Post # 16
208bride: thank you for being honest and telling me exactly what I need to hear. I am ashamed I made it about me. You’re right that I was beyond immature and contributed to that stereotype.
I also thank you for your suggestion about doing whatever it takes for her before her big day. My mom’s aunt and uncle own a bridal boutique. I have already told them her story and if she accepts the offer they will help her find a dress and have it altered in time for the wedding, all for free. That’s just the start of how I want to make this up to her.
Post # 17
undercovebee: That sounds like an awesome way to begin mending the relationship. Another thing I want to suggest too is don’t make the apology all about you, either – resist the temptation to explain yourself unless she wants some sort of explanation. Focus on how to apologize for how you may have made her feel with your actions and words and ask how wedding planning is going and try to show excitement too.
Good on you for stepping up and working to fix this.
Post # 18
Oh gosh one more thing and then I’ll shut up. Don’t offer her a free dress and alteration in the same convo. In fact, I would just invite her to your aunt’s shop and say you think they’ll give her a good deal – I don’t think I’d initially accept a free luxury item from someone who hurt my feelings. It feels like blood money if it’s tied to the apology. I’d just invite her to the shop and let your aunt say it’s on the house.
Post # 19
208bride: That is totally the plan. I’m not saying anything about it being free for exactly the reason you stated. My aunt and uncle said we can bring her when the shop is closed and she’ll have run of the place to choose whichever dress she wants. At that time they’ll make the on the house offer.
I have made myself sick because I feel so bad. I told my mom what I did and cried because of how horrible I was to everyone. None of them deserved it.
Post # 20
So I know the feeling, all to well, of becoming a waiting monster. Believe me! I am having issues with that myself. I just want to bring 3 things to your mind. 1) What if he has a time and date and a creative plan all picked out and your family and friends know, and it’s a surprise for you. Now think about if you throw a hissy fit and everyone sees you being a brat and thinks “Wow, this is the attitude she takes after the surprise he planned for her just because it’s not when SHE wants!”. It’ll come off really ungrateful eventhough you’re tired of waiting. I try not to display that to others. Also….he isn’t obligated to do anything. If he decided that he didn’t like the attitude you displayed he could just walk away altogether, and no one could fault him for that. Afterwards you may wish you would just have been a little more patient. 2) You should think about the fact that the newly engaged girl may have limited time on earth. You’re jealous of the engagement, but I’m sure she wishes she had your health. 3) Most things that happen fast…don’t last…so don’t always assume that people will stay together because they got engaged quickly. Also…the saddest part is ….your boyfriend may have almost expected you to react like that and wanted to invite you to the BBQ to give you the opportunity to prove him wrong and you didnt 🙁
Post # 21
OP it sounds to me like there might be more going on here. Being upset about waiting is one thing, but could there be more to this? Was it that time of the month? Is there other stuff going on in your relationship, or with you and his family?
If it was just the stress of waiting, I think you are doing the right things to make up for it. What’s done is done and the only thing you can do is keep moving forward and try to learn from your past actions. Part of maturing is growing from past experiences and mistakes, and strengthening your character through that growth.
Post # 22
- Wedding: May 2016 - Winery
It’s probably best to apologize in person.
Also … you’re 22 years old. The fact that you made this all about you when the poor girl is facing a potentially life-ending medical situation speaks to your maturity level. You’re young and you probably need to chill.
Post # 23
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
PP’s have covered things pretty well, so all I’ll add is maybe it would be helpful if you took some time away from things wedding related. If the engagement has become an all consuming thing that drives you to inappropriate and uncharacteristic behavior, it’s best to stop feeding it. WB, Pinterest, etc. will all still be here after you get engaged. Give yourself a break and a chance to focus on other things.
Post # 24
I can’t really offer any additional advice. Take a breathe, apologize sincerely and make it up to them and your SO. Tell your SO that it was unacceptable for you to act that way and that you’re mortified that the steam blew at such an inappropriate moment.
There is still a light at the end of the tunnel. We are all human. Show your ability to admit to your mistakes and show your compassion for the cousins situation.
Post # 25
Wow…that sounds…rough. I understand you’re already well aware of how badly throwing a hissy fit was, and I think you have a pretty good idea about how to apologize to the girl and her Fiance, but what I’d be more concerned about, if I were you, is YOUR SO.
He probably had this amazing proposal planned out and by blowing up at him over it, he might feel like it’s not good enough or not worth it or what have you, or he might changed it to speed things up for you but it won’t end up being what he had originally planned. Guys are dumb…they don’t understand how intensely emotional women get about things, but usually when a guy says he’ll do it, he will actually do it. Please figure out a way to make it up to him and reassure him that no matter what he does and when, you will be fine with it.
Post # 26
- Wedding: April 2016 - Loveless Barn
Out of curiosity, had you been drinking at all when this happened? Just seems like this was probably very out of character for you. What’s your relationship like with this girl? As bad as it was, if the two of you are close she may have an inkling of why you got upset. That in no way makes it ok, but when I got engaged I was kind of aware that engagements can be tough to take sometimes. Regardless, it sounds like you have a good plan. Good luck!