(Closed) Waiting has turned me into a judgemental b*%@#

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
234 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2017
Post # 3
Member
234 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

oh, you are not alone!  i have been with my SO for 5 1/2 years, and  lately every news of a new engagement is like a jab, and i have to bite my tounge to keep from screaming.  my SO actually hid the news from me that his buddy got engaged bc he was afraid to tell me.  when they announced just a week later that the wedding was in less than 3 months, he had to tell me bc we have to travel across country.  and oh, i have those friends too, where you judge and think “how the hell are they getting engagedmarried before us!”  hey, half those people won`t be married in two years!  keep your head up!

Post # 3
Member
234 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

oh, you are not alone!  i have been with my SO for 5 1/2 years, and  lately every news of a new engagement is like a jab, and i have to bite my tounge to keep from screaming.  my SO actually hid the news from me that his buddy got engaged bc he was afraid to tell me.  when they announced just a week later that the wedding was in less than 3 months, he had to tell me bc we have to travel across country.  and oh, i have those friends too, where you judge and think “how the hell are they getting engagedmarried before us!”  hey, half those people won`t be married in two years!  keep your head up!

Post # 6
Member
3627 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Oh please, of course everyone does this. I’m engaged and I do this!

Post # 7
Member
1830 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I’m on the verge of getting engaged, and I do this too much to admit. I feel bad about it afterwards. Well, most of the time. It’s just like, we’ve been together for almost NINE years (granted, we started dating freshman year of high school), but we’ve been living together for 4 years, and I see friends who have been together for maybe a year getting engaged. When they don’t have degrees or jobs or plans or anything. It can be really infuriating, so I know how you feel.

Just remember that as long as it stays in your head and doesn’t come out your mouth, you can always “take it back”.

Post # 9
Member
3314 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I didn’t do this when I was waiting, but now that I’ve been ttc for over 2 years, yes, I’m totally irrational and bitter when yet another person gets pregnant (and doesn’t miscarry) before me ESPECIALLY if they’ve only just started trying.

Post # 10
Member
1182 posts
Bumble bee

It’s okay, because I totally do this too. Granted, I’m still in university, and people keep telling me I’m too young, but literally my friends are getting married left and right. Most of them will have gotten engaged and be married before my SO and I even get to the engagement.

I think the judgemental-ness hit the most when one of my former roommates got engaged to her boyfriend in less than a year, and they had started dating literally weeks after she broke up with her first long term boyfriend (4 years). They are going to get married early next year.

My SO and I will have been together four years this fall. I know the plans are in place, and we’ve picked out a ring, but it’s still kind of hard. Because people are hitting the milestones I want to hit before me and I unjustly feel like I’ve waited long enough and therefore ‘deserve’ to have it more.

Post # 11
Member
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I do the same thing at times, all my friends are married or have gotten engaged and it get’s frusturating. Good thing they are only thoughts eh? 🙂 We’re only human. It’s not wishing bad on people but it’s just having a natural reaction to things when you’re in a different situation. Don’t feel bad

Post # 12
Member
598 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@ms_protea:  Eh, while its not cool I understand being that way. I do it a LOT, never because their in pieces or that they are wrong but because I’m jealous. :'(

I’m really nasty some days and I feel really bad about it. 

Post # 13
Member
3421 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

yeah, I have been with my SO for close to 5 years (feels like 6 now because I feel the last 5 months have been forever) and we are just NOW talking about getting engaged. hopefully my time will come by the end of the year.

But yes, no one better get engaged next to me. I’d probably turn green all over. I have screamed at the universe that I AM THE NEXT ONE TO GET ENGAGED! my friends are allowed to wed if they decide they just get married…like my one friend. she skipped the engagement and they just started planning the engagement. But…for me, since we are not planning to be wed for another 2-3 years I am dying to be engaged. and therefore if anyone gets engaged before me and they have been going out for less then 3 years I will blow a gascet.

I cannot even stand to read post from people who have been together for less then 3 years…I am like “Bee-och, please, you are freaking out and only been together 18 months, shut up”….that loophole is if the people are over 30 each.

 

@BrandyQ:  “how the hell are they getting engagedmarried before us!” hey, half those people won`t be married in two years!”

That is how I feel about most newly engaged couples.

Post # 14
Member
5065 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2014

It’s only natural to judge people we all do it, I not saying it’s right or nice in any way but it’s what women do. This pass weekend my I have sat and listened to my friend judge every female in her life, including me.  I found myself doing it also, which I’m not proud of but it happens. I was chatting with my mum earlier and as always she is the voice of reason and gave positive for all the chats I’d had with my friend, my SO is also a great listening ear. He never judges. He is someone I look up to.

 

Post # 15
Member
1542 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Oh I judge! Only people who have been together less time than us (5 years). I do feel badly about it, but I want it so bad. My boyfriend is so much more logical about it and waiting for the right time. Part of me just wants to do it!

I know someone who just got engaged after 1.5 years. I’m like ugggghh. really?

I new someone who met her now husband online. Flew to see him for 2 weeks and came back engaged. Married in less than 1 year. Seriously?

Sometimes I’m really calm and content. Others I’m ready to explode.

I’m trying not to bring up this to my SO. All I’ve said is that sometimes it makes me a bit jealous.

Post # 16
Member
9956 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Lol, trust me EVERYONE does this.  It was done 35 Years ago when I was in college, and my now Ex and I had Friends getting engaged & married.

The thing is, and no one bite my head off here…

BUT how long one is dating or engaged before getting married really doesn’t have a lot of bearing on how successful a marriage will be (w9thin reason… lol, meeting someone 2 weeks ago and getting married, probably doesn’t bode well in the long run)

A successful marriage is more about common goals and being able to communicate well.  And the ability to work thru things, and a respect for the other person and the COMMITMENT that Marriage means.

So as much as I am all in favour of gals today spending some time finding & establishing themselves vs getting married in their early 20s.

I don’t really understand the whole long TO DO LIST that so many feel they have to accomplish BEFORE getting married.

Advanced University Degrees – Career – Travel – BIG House – Mega-Ring – Babies – Huge Wedding etc.

Honestly time is sooo passing you all by if you are spending more than 5 years in the “waiting” game. 

It breaks my heart when I read stories here on the Bee about girls frustrated waiting for a Proposal that takes sometimes literally YEARS to come.

Honestly, I would rather be with the Love Of My Life, dirt broke and building a future together than I would be content waiting around for him to be able to afford a Mega-Ring, and us to save up for a Huge Wedding or House before tying the knot.

In the end, the odds are the same… there are no guarantees that any of these Marriages (those you are examining, or your own) are going to work out… the stats are exactly the same.

Infact there are no Guarantees in life at all.  You just have to get out there and live it.

In my mind, I’d rather get on with life, and at least say I went to the Party (come what may) than spend years sitting around waiting for the gold embossed hand printed invite… that either may not ever come, or turn out to be just another piece of paper, not worth what it was written on it.

 

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