Post # 1
Hello all, I am new to this board but I was so excited to find out that a lot of women are in the same boat I am. I thought that women who were engaged or married just remained their perfect selves in their relationships until *poof* they were engaged. I am with someone now that makes me comfortable, loved, and respected and I think I do the same for him. I am just so frustrated that we haven’t moved to the next level in our relationship yet.
We have been together for over three years now. I have talked about what I wanted from a relationship since day one…Which I thought was smart based on past relationships but seems to have backfired here. I told him for awhile that I would like to be engaged by 30 or before we moved anywhere together. But, here I am 30 and 5 months old, and living in a different state with him because he went back to school. I love our life together and I am happy but I am frustrated that it hasn’t happened yet. I know its coming soon. But it is hard not to talk about it at all and that is what he wants me to do…So that it will be a “surprise”. It seems like if we do talk about it, we argue about it because he thinks I want it because everyone else has it or because it gives me a false sense of security. And I feel that when and if we get engaged all I will think about are these conversations instead of how the man of my dreams just proposed to me. It is nice to know that others have had these conversations and have gone on to have happy engagements/weddings/marriages? Are we as women just programmed to have these insecurities?!
Post # 3
Welcome! Personally for me it was just because I was ready to move on to that next step of my life and being that my then SO was in his 30s and childless, I figured that he wanted the same also (he sure enough talked about it like he did). It was never an actual insecurity for me- I am very confident in myself… if he didn’t like it (enough to put a ring on it) someone else would. So it was more of finding someone who aligned with what I wanted in life, mutual interests, great compatibily and chemistry with love and respect that followed to grow in our relationship, which happened to be my fiance.
I am just not a “waiter” so after giving it a considerable/reasonable amount of time, I would have moved on as there are too many fish in the sea and as I have learned in my dating years, it isn’t impossible to fall in love with more than one person. Marriage for me is finding someone that I am in love with that has mutual goals for the relationship and our lives in the time frame I am seeking so that we are equally “yoked” and fufilled.
Post # 4
@Sassylassy: I thought that women who were engaged or married just remained their perfect selves in their relationships until *poof* they were engaged.
That’s pretty much what I figured too. I didn’t even think it was an option to be with someone for over 5 years and headed into your 30s and nothing happening to get to that next step. I figured either you knew that person was who you wanted to marry and you would do it in a “normal” amount of time (obviously that’s different for everyone, but to me that’s 3-4 years), or you knew that person wasn’t for you and again you broke it off in a “normal” amount of time.
I had no idea there was this nebulous grey area of “I love you so much and I don’t want to berak up with you, or go on a break, or see other people, but I’m just not there yet for whatever reason.”
I also told my guy that I wanted to be married before 30 (I’m turning 30 in 6 months) and I had a personal timeline of our lease coming up where I would have to discuss maybe living apart (living together 3 years now) because nothing was happening. He’s promising it’s coming soon though so…I’ll keep my fingers crossed for the both of us. 🙂
Post # 5
- Wedding: December 2014 - Caldwell Chapel / Sawyer Hayes Community Center
hello! i’m new to this website too, and, like you, i’m IMpatiently waiting for engagement. yesterday, my cousin’s boyfriend proposed to her (and they’ve been dating for less time than my boyfriend and i have); i can’t help that this made me a tiny bit jealous! :p we’ve been dating for 2 years and (almost) 4 months, and we’ve been living together for almost a year (although this is “unknown” to our families–i think they -kind of- know). anyway, i love my boyfriend so much, but i am just not good at this whole patience thing. both of us are completely ready emotionally, but financially we just aren’t. we’re both college students; he depends mostly on money from his parents right now and the money he gets from working literally only twice per month, and i depend on financial aid from school. we’re both DESPERATE to find jobs and get ready for our future together, but in the meantime i’m forced to find ways to occupy my time. lately, i’ve been reading a lot of chick lit to pass time. it’s very enjoyable (especially since i read a lot of books about girls getting married– Diary of a Mad Bride by Laura Wolf is a great book!). but once i finish a book i’m just reminded that i still have probably a year or two before it’s my turn! my boyfriend and i have decided that we want a looong engagement, so we can focus for awhile on JUST being engaged before we actually start planning our wedding. i just can’t wait til that time gets here! i’m sooo glad that i’m not the only one in this situation. 😀
Post # 6
Is it possible that, well, he’s just not the marrying type? I have a few guy friends who are head over heels in love with their long-term girlfriends but are just terrified of putting a ring on it.
If his reaction to marriage talk is to demand why you’re so anxious to get married, then he’s probably not in a mind to tie the knot. My advice is to lay it all out there and ask him if he ever wants to get married – not just to you, but to anyone. Ever. Make sure that he knows he can be totally honest with you, and that you’re not a delicate little flower who will just wilt if he disappoints you. And if he doesn’t want to get married? Well, I suppose you’ll have to decide if he’s worth it. Finding a man who makes you feel as loved and respected and valued as it sounds like he makes you feel is rare. If the price of admission for being with this guy is being unmarried, are you willing to pay it?