(Closed) Waiting in delivery waiting room – is this a thing?

posted 6 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 31
Member
11744 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

missjewels:  to add, if you’re planning on an epi I would have visitors before it wears off! I was much less thrilled about visits the next two days when I was in more pain And tired from lack of sleep! At least after delivery you’re high off endorphins. Next time I plan to let visitors right after again (if birth is mid day) and not allow them again until I get home. Plus, it ensures a quick visit since they’ll get kicked out when you need to get up to use the bathroom for the first time when the epi wears off!

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 6 months ago by  .
Post # 32
Member
412 posts
Helper bee

shanbp:  That hospital(s?) has the worst layout/security in the world. Our labor and delivery is on the 7th floor. The reg doctor visits are on the main floor. I’ve waited in the (only maternity) waiting room for every appt and never has there been family just chilling. It’s just us pregos waiting for our monthly/weekly weigh in and chat. If the family is on the ‘list’ they can go up after checking in. Otherwise I think they would just stand awkwardly around. But like I said- I’ve never seen anyone doing that. Moreover they have fairly tight security. Only parents have matching wristbands to baby can take it anywhere and if you don’t have a wristband and walk baby past a point an alarm sounds. I’d freak out is some deranged Mother-In-Law just busted up in my room looking for some poor just labored woman. 

Post # 33
Member
2473 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Diamond84:  no I agree, its totally the husbands fault (it was made very clear what exactly what was ‘supposed” to happen) and I wold have been pissed at the hospital staff too, but thats half the point…. your in such a state of panic and excitement and so many emotions etc… sometimes people just dont think clearly, and just go with it….. its only afterwards that people say oh crap…I wasnt supposed to let anyone in, or call or whatever…. Thats all I’d be worried about (my Darling Husband getting caught up in the moment of the emotions and just saying YES COME IN.

If anyone wants to come and wait and do JUST THAT and not be bugging the staff for updates and trying to get a hold of Darling Husband thats fine but I guess as an example my cousin gave birth on saturday…after being induced on thursday and sitting there with an epi at 8cm for 2 days (he just did not want to come out lol). You never know how long its gonna take and her mom waited at home just cause they knew going in it was gonna be a looooooong wait. When something actually started happening she was informed. I guess if its like OMG its happening NOW shes starting to push its different, but if they’re gonna be sittin there for 5-10-15-20 hours? thats rough…even for the grandparents.

Post # 34
Member
1612 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

She might just be kidding and not intending to do that. She’s excited. Just don’t call the parents until you want them at the hospital. Wait until the baby is almost there or already here to call them.

Post # 35
Member
2473 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

keesl:  ya one of these was in spain (my friend lives there with her husband and he is from there). I have no idea what kinda security is there but unfortunatly they were able to bypass somehow because her Father-In-Law is actually a doctor (not at that hospital) but he knows everyone, and Mother-In-Law as I said worked there for years ironically in the nursery so also knew all the flippin staff….the staff were basically like OMG come in so good to see you! lol like wtf!!!!! the kicker is she told her Darling Husband how upset she was (the one where she was getting examined and the Mother-In-Law was at the foot of the bed) and reamed him out for telling them they could come in right away, and I guess he told his mom….and SHE had the nerve to get offended?? she was like omg thats so insulting, its not like I was “looking”, Im a professional you know….. My friend was like I dont give a F*&K… I was the one who just had a baby and I dont want your mother who I barely know let alone be comfortable enough with to be within eye-shot of my vag??? like WTF is wrong with her to think that was ok!

I havent had a kid yet so I have no idea how it works here with security. Thats cool if the parents get tagged withthe baby, that way the staff knows who is supposed to be there. I should pop over to the hospital near me and see how its done lol. I really hope they do a list thing and have to “check in”. Make life so much easier!!! The hospital close to me is a brand new facility (biggest one in the city now) so they probably have the most up to date security….I hope…

Post # 36
Member
1066 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I haven’t had a child… but I don’t get the big deal?  I mean she hasn’t told you she wants to be in the same room as you… just waiting in the waiting room for you.  I don’t think it’s presumptious or anything- you should be touched that she’s so excited.

I may be biased though, my family does this and not just immediate family but I’m talking Aunties Uncles Cousins, the whole lot.  Everyone sort of takes it in shifts around their daily lives, but it’s just to support the father and the mother, and also as much as it’s not good to think about, to be there in case anything goes wrong.  They never intrude and just wait patiently chatting away or something, until the father comes out and announces the new child.  Then it’s up to the parents what they do.

Post # 37
Member
920 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I was SO worried about this.  I made a lot of rules and basically told my husband I dont want anyone there until I call them.  HOWEVER, when the time came… my water broke, i was in labor and moaning and whatever else butt naked for four hours then i was sort of out of it until I delivered 5 hours later…so i didnt even realize they were all in the waiting room.  My husband just sat by my side and ignored his calls/texts and everything was fine.  My nurses knew that I was not into it and they basically told all visitors they would tell them when I was decent bc i was naked ( this was the plan ahead of time but ended up being true, i was naked for 12 hours straight lol). Anyway – whether she camps out or not — nurses will be on your side!  I gave birth around 11 and then i held her for a long time and then my husband held her with me and my in laws and parents waited in the waiting room until 2 am when i was ready for them to come in.  I dont care if i pissed them off… i told them to stay home until we called and they didnt so they could wait!

Post # 38
Member
2473 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

missjewels:  But if she is already there then no matter how I feel at that 2 hour mark when they allow visitors she will expect to come in regardless of how up to it I am feeling or how nursing is going.

100% ++++ (sorry I deleted the rest of my msg because some weird code came in)…. completely agree

 

Post # 39
Member
412 posts
Helper bee

shanbp:  But if you say ‘no visiters’ and you told her ahead of time you would do that– then she just sits there. Complaining to the ferns and magazines I suppose. But I can’t imagine a conversation where OP has consitantly said ‘we don’t want visitors’ and then later Mother-In-Law is just SHOCKED she didn’t get in. One would only have to respong ‘I warned you it would be a waste of your time and it was’ In fact even if OP after birth didn’t mind visitors she still shouldn’t budge because literally the rest of her life she will be seen as inconsitant and easy to roll over. 

Post # 40
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee

Lol she’s excited! I was totally the same way with my first born though! My mom lives about 7 hrs away by car plus an extra 5 hrs train ride and she probably would have camped out in bed with me if she could have! But I told her we would arrange a week she could come after he was born ad respected that. he was her 2bd grandson. My SO’s mom, this would be her first but she doesn’t show excitement even though I know she was. I regret allowing Mother-In-Law, SILs, Brother-In-Law and Aunt in law to visit shortly after giving birth. I had my son at 6:50 and they all came before visit time was over at 9. Without realizing it, my SO “pressured” me into it. He didn’t realize (not did I) how tired I was going to be after the fact and while we were still in labour had invited everybody over without really asking me. I made it very clear though that I didn’t want anybody there durin the labour process. My SIL only dropped by to drop off some food his mom had made for him. 

I would suggest leaving visiting until the next day, of course depending on when your baby is born. At least get a nap in before visitors come so you can relax and regroup a little.

I felt sick after giving birth and I ha to put a smile on and was wishing over and over in my head for everybody to leave lol. I was so happy when I heard the announcement about visoting times being over! Of course that didn’t really stop one SIL and my Brother-In-Law but thats how they roll lol!

i hope everything goes well with your pregnancy and birth!! And congrats :)!!

Post # 41
Member
2473 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

keesl:  totally….for some of us who have “difficult” IL’s (cough….) I think its good to sometimes have a rule like that and stick to it because it teaches them about boundaries and “no in fact… this is actually whats going to be happening….”

I have a problem with my Darling Husband in that he says we “cant” use the word boundaries around his parents and set any kind of “rules” up ahead of time (before things happen) because his parents will get defensive and act like were accusing them of something they havent done yet (even though we know it will happen lol). I dont like that way…. Im not saying sit down with an iron fist or anything but I think casually mentioning some expectations if they ask should NOT be a problem. I plan on fully letting my Mother-In-Law know what I want when it comes up. My opinion is if we DONT tell them? its going to be shit show when the time comes because they will freak out even more…..”WHY DIDNT YOU TELL US thats what you wanted, we thought this whole time that we were going to be there right away”…….. My Darling Husband doesnt seem to get that sometimes!!!

I think if you cant have an adult conversation with them THATS a problem!!!

Post # 42
Member
412 posts
Helper bee

shanbp:  Yeah, I think it’s more respectful IMO to tell them. Instead of play games. Esp in these types of situation just share what you really want and need from them honestly. Like if Mother-In-Law says ‘i’m going to camp out in waiting room’, you can respond with ‘FirstNameofMIL, I love that you are excited, but to be honest with you the delivery and labor aspect has changed quite a bit. Now we are doing room-sharing, there isn’t a seperate nursery, and I need that time to focus on my new baby and learning to breastfeed and just have that time. I know it was different 20+ years ago, but for how we are doing it I’d love for you come and visit at the house the day after we get home. Baby will still be tiny. I promise.”  Like you don’t hate DH’s mom. It’s just a communication f-up. (which I swear is worse because men suck at subtle communication and they are frequently the go betweens with their mom and wife) Some MIL’s are awful and this wouldn’t work, but it’s worth a shot to be really, really open – instead of just hearing what she says and going home and flipping out and making declarations. 

Post # 43
Member
9134 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

missjewels:  She wait in the waiting room all she wants, that doesn’t mean you’re going to invite her into the room and she certainly isn’t welcome to prenatal appointments.  You need to discuss this with your husband and agree not to tell his mom you’re in labor if you truly do not want her waiting around.  Make sure he understands that she may be stuck waiting around for a while (up to 24 hours in some cases.)  If you would prefer she not show up until you are ready for visitors then you and your husband need to agree not to call her until then.

Post # 44
Member
2473 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

keesl:  totally agree. I actually had a conversation with a friend of mine whos hubby is the same way (he’s from pain and mines from italy so they are very similar in those relationships) and she basically told me she was having issues with what IL”s were saying and doing and he basically told her to keep her mouth shut….well finally she had enough and took it upon herself to speak to Mother-In-Law (calm and collective) about a few things and sure enough she was like “omg I had no idea, why didnt you say anything, im sorry I made you feel like that…” and Mother-In-Law then got mad at her Darling Husband for being an ass!! Their relationship has gottin a lot better (friend and MIL) now that she knows she can be honest with her. Seriously our parents are adults ….yes some are overly sensitive (I will admit my IL’s are for sure….soooooooooooooo emotional and they do tend to take everything personally) and I know they will take many things personally when it comes to our kids but that doesnt mean I should have to walk on eggshells and comply to things I dont like!!

I think more then half the time our MIL/FIL issues are our partners fault lol. I think if they have the balls to say some of the things they do sometimes and talk about “their expectations” for this and that when it comes to OUR life then why cant I respond?

Totally going to be laying the groundwork on the birth before they even know Im pregnant lol. I might use my cousins recent baby as a segway to get on the topic….. the way she did it is how I want it and I’ll just keep commenting on how amazing she said it was they had time alone and her mom came over the next day lol.

 

Post # 45
Member
9555 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

If you really want to read some horror stories check out the “best of delivery room dramas” over at the BabyCenter forum. Terrifying, lol. If you have psycho ILs like some of those, by all means wait to call them!

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