Post # 46
I will just tell you my experience…I was in the same mindset as you, and I had a Mother-In-Law that was wanting to camp out in the waiting room too.
The thing is…unless you’re being induced (and even then) how is she going to know you’re in labor unless YOU tell her?
We didn’t tell my Mother-In-Law when I was in the hospital until we were ready for guests which was about 5 hours after my son was born. Now, I was also opposed to hospital visitors, but honestly, after my son was here I was SO excited to share him with everyone so I threw that out of my mind pretty fast. It really is an in-the-moment decision. Leading up to all this you will be worried about thid stuff, but until your child is here, you don’t really know what will happen.
However, that being said, I would set boundaries early on. If you don’t things may get progressively worse, but your situation doesn’t sound like a case of overbearing Mother-In-Law. At least not from what you wrote so this may not be necessary, BUT it is necessary to talk to your DH about your wants and needs for the birth of the baby and decide together what to do.
Post # 47
Yes it is a thing. I know alot of families that arrive at the hospital at the same time (or even before!) the women in labor shows up. I think its horrible. I am not pregnant, but hopefully will be at some point. I know I would tell my parents when I was in labor – my mom worries about everything I can only imagine what she will be like when I am pregnant. As for my ILs – I am leaving the decision up to my DH as to when he wants to tell them. They dont have a very close relationship right now – but who knows what it will be like in the future. All I know is the visits will be short and my DH and I wont have any trouble telling anyone to leave since it is OUR child.
As for the doctors appointments – if you are extremely private dont bring your Mother-In-Law to one – just update her with whats going on and share any pictures with her to make her feel included.
Post # 48
Anyone can be in the waiting room, but you will not see them and do not have to let them near you or the baby for as long as you want to. I am not lanning on having kids, but I just asked my Fiance if he thought that would happen if I was giving birth in the hospital, he said yes, probably his mom. She is dying to have grandkids and Fiance is an only son. Sigh, but that’s another issue.
Post # 49
I think its a thing – I did it to my SIL. When she was in delivery, my mom waited in the waiting room and I met her there so I got to meet my niece about a half hour after she was born. I ran out to get food for my SIL because she was starving. BUT, I am assuming she was cool with it (she would have said no thanks if it bothered her), and she would have been in the hospital for my delivery too if she weren’t at work. Depends on the family, and most importantly, what the mom is comfortable with. My IL’s live overseas, but I would have let my Mother-In-Law in the room for the delivery if she wanted to be there, but she is also pretty much the greatest Mother-In-Law in the world and I love her dearly.
Post # 50
Public Service Announcement
Please learn from my mistake.
If you plan to call family once you’ve entered the last stages of labor, don’t tell them before it actually happens. Just do it. Last night, I called my very overbearing mother and we chuckled about a blog post on another website that provided 10 tips for how to deal with visitors after you get home from the hospital. Then I told her about this thread. Mistake #1.
Of course I summarize the premise of waiting until we are almost about to give birth before calling anyone and mid chuckle she says “yeah…but not me though…right?” Well… actually she’s the ONLY person I want at the hospital (other than my husband and my dad of course) but I KNOW she will just get bored (I thought I was being considerate by saving the wait for her), or in the way (trying to get all in the middle of our labor-delivery flow for natural childbirth), or try to get into the room. My mom is super sensitive so I should’ve known this would go left, quick!
And it did.
At the end of the conversation, she said “I know you have a husband. I don’t care about that. I am your mother! And you don’t want me there when you give birth! That is so hurtful! It’s like you don’t even love me!”
Am I missing something? I tried to tell her that my husband and I are planning to go through labor alone. We don’t really want an audience or visitors. I need to focus and I can’t deal with anything else in that moment. I feel like she wants to make this about her when it’s really not about her. It’s not like I said “you can’t see your grandchild.” Actually it’s the opposite. I will need her more than anything AFTER the baby is born. It’s just a mess right now…but I will have to stand by my husband’s and my decision. It’s what we want and it’s what we think is best for us.
Post # 51
- Wedding: October 2013 - Rustic mill, historical site
I didn’t read through all the comments but definitley put your foot down. I was told I could only have two people in the delivery room so I used that as an excuse to only have my husband there (which is what we wanted anyway.) We told them we couldn’t have both so we wouldn’t have anyone there at all. We made the mistake of calling both sets of parents when my water broke. My mother respected our wishes, my Mother-In-Law did not. She showed up anyway, stuck around for hours and then opps, just happened to be there when it was time to be born. We had some emergency complications and she asked to come in just before the doctor pulled my son out, he asked if it was ok, and I said I didn’t care about anything except saving the baby, so she came in and witnessed the birth. This is the main reason that my mother doesn’t like my mother in law. She means well, but she’s pretty flakey and self centered, she’s a lawyer and knows exactly what to say and do to get what she wants. My mother will never forget that she respected us and Mother-In-Law didn’t and in turn got to be there.
THIS TIME, however, we learned our lesson. My mother will be present, my in-laws won’t be notified until the baby is born. End of story.
Post # 52
- Wedding: October 2013 - Rustic mill, historical site
Ugh, frickin’ new format.
Since I can’t edit, I just wanted to add that my husband was NOT pleased about his mother accidentally on purpose being there AND insisting on being IN the room during birth, he’s totally supportive of not calling her until after, and that my mother will be present.
My little brother has two kids both older than my son. They were asked to come visit after the baby was born for them too, and she was put to sleep for her own two cesarian deliveries (general anesthesia 30 years ago) so she’s never witnessed this. My two kids will be her youngest grandchildren.
My son was my MIL’s first grandchild, she was obviously excited (and figured it was her right to do what she did because it’s HER GRANDCHILD) but it doesn’t excuse her lack of considration. Wasn’t the first time, won’t be the last. She doesn’t ‘get’ it.
Post # 53
Ugh, my Mother-In-Law, SIL and BFF ALL think they have the right to be in the delivery room with me! I have tried AS HARD AS I CAN to let them understand that it will just be DH and MY mother with me. I don’t need everyone around me during that stressful time, just the two most calming influences in my life.
As far as the waiting room is concerned… whoever wants to sit out there bored out of their minds is welcome to it.
Post # 54
DH and I have agreed that we will be the only ones at the hospital. I’m having a scheduled c-section and we’ll call once were ready for visitors.
I had to have emergency surgery after delivering DD and while I was I recovery, everyone got to see her and all that. I saw her briefly once she was born, then not again until almost 5 hours later. Call me selfish, but I want my husband and I to be the first to hold/see/bond with the baby.
Post # 55
I don’t mind if my parents and SO’s parents are in the waiting room when it’s closer to delivery time but my mom gets all pissy when I say NO to anyone else being there. She keeps saying “oh well Aunt will be hurt if she isn’t there” and “your brother isn’t included in anything” etc. Then she tries to make me feel bad and say “well fine call me when it’s born or when you are home and maybe I’ll visit” trying to make me feel bad about this! It’s OUR baby and OUR delivery and we both want alone time as a new family without having to hand our kid over to grandparents or anyone else 5 minutes after I give birth. She seems to forget that it’s not about her. I mean I LOVE my mom to death she is an amazing woman but for some reason she thinks I should invite my entire family to sit in the waiting room. My SIL had everyone and their brother there while she was in labor and it was horrific. Her family is trashy and there were just too many damn people! I want a private birth without knowing a family reunion is in the waiting room bitching because it’s taking so long.
Post # 56
My poor mother was the victim of something like this. My brother’s Girlfriend went into labor and had her entire family in the room with her (Mother, father, brother, sister, and later her grandfather). My brother had my mom and sister come down after mom got off work. Girlfriend wasn’t yet ready to deliver but refused to let my mother and sister see her. Cool, you don’t want to see people, but then why the hell were there five other people in the room? I highly recommend being fair to both families, or prepare for broken hearts and resentment.