(Closed) Waiting in vain?

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
24 posts
Newbee

@Misscee:  I understand being frustrated by people that get engaged or even married in a shorter amount of time than the duration of your relationship with your SO but I think you’re being a bit unrealistic.  How does it harm you if they get married in the same year?  You get ONE DAY, not a whole year and while they may have some similar ideas about their wedding, you can still be unique.

My SO and I have been together for 7+ years and in that time not just one, but 5 of my friends have met someone, gotten engaged, married, and/or had children in that time.  While it made me sad that my relationship wasn’t as far along as I had wanted, we’re going at a pace that’s right for us.  It’s important to be supportive of your friends and family and when they move along in their lives it’s a wonderful thing.  Congratulate them and focus on your relationship.

I hope this didn’t sound too harsh and I wish you good luck in your waiting period!

Post # 4
Member
433 posts
Helper bee

@Misscee:  

Your wedding year?  It’s your day. You get a day. Not a year.

Yes, they are probably too young to get married but that’s not really any of your business.  You sound quite jealous, but really you know they will probably be divorced by the time they’re 30.  You’re going about it the right way so don’t be jealous of someone else’s poor decisions.

Post # 5
Member
9114 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

@Misscee:  I just think its very rude of them to not consider other people’s plans and decisions before throwing themselves into the landings considering to be married the same year…

If this is your expectation, it needs to fall on you as well. If you get married this year, you need to talk to everyone beforehand to make sure it’s A-OK with them. Talk with other people in your family with SO’s, because you wouldn’t want to encroach on their day either, would you? What if your wedding falls before a major event, or vacation? You’d need to get permission beforehand that it’s okay for you to get married so close to their event. What about people celebrating birthdays? That’s a big deal, too. Expecting someone to consult with each and every person in the family before getting married/engaged/set on fire/what have you is ridiculous and unrealistic. You get married on one day. That does not mean you have the monopoly on the rest of the year.

Sure, I get it. You want all the attention on you. You want the limelight on you. You want everybody to have eyes for you.

I get that, I really do.

But that isn’t the way the world works. Other people are allowed to have relationships and get married around the same time you are.

ETA: You have no right to say whether or not this woman is wife material. You don’t know their relationship. Sure, you can say, “But I see them all the time!” Not the same. You don’t know their chemistry, you don’t know how they work. It seems like you’re just picking at them because you’re upset and you want to find anything you can to make you seem right.

You don’t know if she’s wife material or not, and you don’t know that they won’t make it in a marriage. Do I think they’re too young? Absolutely, but I’ve been wrong before, and every relationship moves to the beat of a different drum. Just because you’ve been together longer, and is older, means nothing.

Post # 6
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Misscee:  So everyone else around you needs to put their lives on hold until your Boyfriend or Best Friend finaly chooses to propose? That’s very selfish. Who cares how old this couple is or how long they’ve been together, if they love eachother and want to take the next step, that is their decision and theirs alone. You don’t get a say, you also don’t have any justification to be annoyed or angry at them for living their lives.

Also, you get one day for your wedding, not a whole year.

Post # 7
Member
2268 posts
Buzzing bee

I understand how you feel, but others cannot put their life on hold for you.

Just make sure everything about your wedding (and your behaviour) is classy and lovely. 

Post # 8
Member
409 posts
Helper bee

So are you guys engaged or not? How can it be getting in the way of your wedding year if you two are not engaged yet? I think I’m missing something.

Post # 9
Member
577 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

You do not get a year, and you cannot expect everyone around you to conform to your timeline. I could understand being upset if someone was getting married in the same month, but really. You get one day.

Post # 10
Member
624 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I completely agree with all the PPs. At the same time I can understand a little bit. My sister got engaged in October and (if she goes through with it) it will be likely that we will be getting married within months of each other. A little stressful… BUT that is my sister. I can understand not wanting to share planning with someone who is planning their wedding too, but this is just your boyfriends brothers girlfriend… Would she even want to talk to you or make wedding plans with you?! She’s not family, so I feel this shouldn’t have that big effect on you. And I agree with everyone… It’s your wedding day not year. You could get married 11 months apart… Don’t let them effect you. They could end up not getting married. Or a million other things could go wrong. Focus on you and your relationship and your happiness! 

Post # 11
Member
1669 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

We are going to be “that thunder stealing couple” – SO’s brother proposed to his super long term girlfriend in December and their wedding is going to be spring 2014.

We’re getting engaged THIS december (we’re waiting till after I meet his parents) and our wedding is going to be Fall 2014.

I can’t twiddle my thumbs forever just because they want a long engagement. And we are 100% not waiting until after their wedding to get engaged. I’m in my 30s.

For politeness sake I’d like to give 3 months between but if I can’t for some reason, so what? They just get one day.

I guess it would be slightly more stressful if it was my sister or something and we were both involving my mother, but I’m not going to have a thing to do at this wedding but show up as the best man’s date, and she won’t have a thing to do at mine but the same thing!

I get stressed out sometimes reading the boards when people are like HOW DARE THEY GET MARRIED NEAR MY DATE and I’m thinking oh god, I’m going to cause so much family drama. I am really really really hoping I don’t.

We originally had wanted May 2014, but they got engaged first, and we don’t get to nail down days arbitrarily, so we just shrugged it off and pushed it back a few months. Big deal.

Post # 12
Member
8444 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

People, in general, will be so much happier if they stop worrying about other people’s relationships, and just focus on their own.

Post # 13
Member
5170 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

You are not even engaged yet! Neither are they!

Anyway, you do not get a wedding year. Even on your wedding day people will have other things on their mind besides your wedding. My mother called me about a week after my wedding to say she and my stepfather were going to get married after 25 years together. In the next couple weeks. I guess I should have been angry they decided to do so then after so long since I just had my wedding. No! I was THRILLED for them.

Stop comparing. Their relationship is theirs, yours is yours. Different people, different dynamics, different relationships.

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