(Closed) Waiting is Embarrassing

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1508 posts
Bumble bee

Waiting can be very hard. Especially when you get to the age/time when facebook seems to be exploding with engagements (anyone else here notice it too?). Just focus on eachother and know that in the end, it will all work out- when it is your time. 🙂

Post # 4
Member
1979 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

An engagement ring doesn’hand a wedding doesn’t have to be expensive. If you really want to get married tomorrow in the courthouse you can. It just depends on whether you want to get married now or keep waiting until you can afford the engagement and wedding ring that you want. Choice is yours. 

Post # 5
Member
1038 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@awndrayuhh:  But you are still sooo young.  Just enjoy being young and in love and together.  You have PLENTY of time to get married.  Not saying to be single now, just don’t be in such a rush to get to that next stage in life.  Don’t compare yourself to your friends either.  You never know, those could be the same friends that are all starting to get divorced 5 years later because they rushed to get married as soon as possible. 

 

 

Think of it this way, while they are rushing to the alter, you are taking your time so that when you say “I do”, it is everything you want.  Also….you change SO much at this point in your life.  You many not think so, but you really do.  You mature and your views on things you will see may begin to change.  You and your bf can continue to work on your relationship, your communication skills, work on figuring out your common goals.  That way when you do marry, you have a solid foundation to build that marriage on.  Just enjoy each other right now. 

Post # 6
Member
283 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I’ll tell you something, I was young when I got engaged and felt like eeeevryone, including my mother, was judging me on how young was. I was so self conscious about it that we ended up having a 2 1/2 year engagement but I’m really glad we did. Like the PP said, it gives you time to work on your relationship. What I learnt in that 2 1/2 years is that your relationship has nothing to do what everyone else thinks (granted thats it’s not an abusive one, which i’m sure it isn’t :-p). Comparing your relationship to your friends who have only been together 11 months doesnt make your relationship less special. Personally, I feel it’s really romantic to share many different experiences with your bf before tying the knot. 

Post # 7
Member
6355 posts
Bee Keeper

I’ve never paid attention to how long it took for a couple to get engaged (unless it was alarmingly fast, which for me is less than one year).

I’m in my 30s, this is my only engagement/marriage, ditto for him… it took us 5 years to be ready. Neither of us pushed the other to hurry and it happened naturally, the way it should. I’ve been in long term relationships before and asked to be married before and I said no because I realized those guys weren’t right for me. I finally found my Mr. Right but it took me a while to really be sure. We still have plenty of time to have a brood of healthy kidlets. I’m so happy I didn’t rush into marriage or ever worry about whether other people thought I should be married already. Do you really want such an unimportant thing like that to play a significant role in this life-changing event?

Post # 8
Member
1855 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I never notice how long it takes a couple to be engaged. I definitely notice if it happens really fast, and get a bit judgmental. “Wow, they jumped in with both feet.” (I’m such a dirty hypocrite, haha).

Like a PP said, a courthouse is always an option. The other really simple one is to get a beautiful white sapphire engagement ring. You can get some major bling for less than $200 sometimes.

Post # 9
Member
327 posts
Helper bee

getting married does not mean anything, lots of couple now live together and have children and refer to each other as partner, and the most important thing is they are happier that way, and maybe more comfortable than those married one

Post # 10
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I have to echo @nursemel – you are so young!  And in my personal opinion, too young to be worrying about marriage.

I have strong thoughts about this, because every single couple I know that got married in their early 20s has now divorced!  Every one.  It was really heartbreaking for all concerned.  

I don’t mean to be a total bitch by saying that – truly – I just want to emphasise that, should you get married, it should be because you are really, truly, willing and ready to spend the rest of your life with this man.  To share your worlds, to join families.  To support him in his career, and have him support you.

Your 20s are full of flux and change.  Say you got an amazing job offer in another country – would he be prepared to go with you?  Or vice versa.

Have you discussed children – whether to have them, and if so, how to raise them? What values would you instil in them?  

Do you love his family – are you prepared for his parents to be grandparents to your children, his siblings to be aunts and uncles, etc?

Do you share similar dreams and goals – whether it be to take time off to travel overseas, or stay home and work hard on a carrer, or start your own business.

It is very easy to get caught up in the idea of a proposal, and the commitment implied therein – but please make sure that you are prepared for everything that promise means.

A wedding is just one day (a glorious day! but just one day), but a marriage is – well, hopefully – for life.  Focus more on the relationship you want to have, than the Facebook album you want to create.  

Post # 11
Member
75 posts
Worker bee

@awndrayuhh:  

You completely summed up what many people go through, including myself. It can be really hard to watch all your friends get engaged and married before you, especially when they have been in their relationships for such a short amount of time. I have experienced all of this, too. Just the other day, another one of my friends got engaged after dating the guy for less than a year, and I’ve been with my guy for almost 8 years. I’m still waiting, too…just like you. I get upset over this…just like you. But, I think you were smart to say that you and your guy are BOTH waiting. Big things take time…and, I’m sure after being with you for so long, the pressure is on to do something for you that is BEYOND special.

Post # 12
Member
1748 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I was there (finally got engaged after 6 + years). I am there, just not for my wedding, but for my career. Don’t waste your time comparing yourself to others. It’s hard as hell, and I’m very guilty of it recently- but all it does is make you feel crappy and it’s not worth it. Focus on how great your relationship is with your partner and how lucky you are to have someone like him in your life. Easier said then done, I understand.

Post # 13
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

You’re so 100% right it’s crazy. Waiting is embarrassing. You feel like people are looking at you like “Poor girl, why don’t you just get out? You two are never going to get married.” Of course, that’s probably not what they’re ACTUALLY thinking. Still, your brain says that about them.

You can’t really talk to your close friends about it because then they think you’re crazy and you feel crazy for telling them how you deem this an actual phase of your relationship. It’s hard not being able to vent to your friends or tell them how excited you are because he talked about marriage and was making potential plans.

I know what you’re going through. I know exactly how you feel. We’ve been together 2 months shy of 6 years and we just bought the ring.

Waiting sucks.

Post # 14
Member
88 posts
Worker bee

I remember that age very well, right out of college it seemed like everyone was marrying their college sweetheart. I’m 35 now and some of those marriages have stayed intact, others not. All I can say is don’t let the pressure of others getting married get you down at your age, there really is so much more to life than marriage in your 20s even though to so many others it seems like the only priority. Everyone is different but for me personally, I had two serious relationships in my 20s, including my college boyfriend of 3.5 years who wanted to marry me, I did not, partly because I did feel too young at 24. I’m not suggesting to be single, but this is the age to really try and experience things, career opportunities, travel etc. If you are happy in your relationship then just be for a while.

I too understand the pressure, I think it’s even just as great or more so in your thirties because there are factors like fertility that come into play, not to mention, just being 35 and in a relationship I feel like people are wondering when is this guy going to propose already?? I get frustrated and down too but try my hardest to channel it productively, some days it builds up though and I feel resentful and silly too. 

Post # 15
Member
9181 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

At least half the people I know who got married right out, or a few years out, of high school got divorced!  People go through SO much personal growth and development and change in their early and mid twenties.  I think it’s a little foolish to marry in your early twenties, even if you’re sure he’s the one.  Just try to enjoy being young and in love and sharing a life with your love.  There’s no reason that should be embarassing.  If your friends and family judge you for not being married, eff them, they suck.  

(I should note, I’m 30 years old and marrying the man I’ve been in love with since I was 17.  We needed plenty of time to adventure and grow, together and separately, before committing to a legal life together even though we’ve always loved each other.  We are both thrilled to be getting married, but we were equally thrilled to just have a life together for years and years before that.)

Post # 16
Member
764 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

OK for some reason I totally get what you mean by feeling a bit embarrassed and this is … only because we fear what ppl might be thinking about where our lengthy relationships are headed… ( even tho we know perfectly where its headed) the fact that we DON’t know when getting enagaged  is going to happen, and not wanting to go thru the explaining of when its going to happen… is what puts us in that feeling of being embarrassed.

I too am guilty of having this feeling of embarrassment esp when ppl say ” you guys aren’t married yet?!” or “when are you going to marry this girl?!” and the best one  “What’s taking him so long?!” ( its like ppl forget that there may be a # of reason’s why ppl are not engaged on “their” timelines smh)

You can always get engaged and buy the ring of your dreams later (there are lots of alternative affordable stones that you can wear for now if you REALLY want a ring as a symbol) … and as for planning you can do something super intimate and small for now and have a big party later…

now as far as planning a life together two incomes are better than one , and I’m sure you both can compromise on a few things to live life together ( LOVE is very strong when its REAL it can conquer many things that come on its path) …

and as far as FB is concerned that’s why I’m no longer active…i’ve been inactive for almost 4 yrs now … and i feel so good not having it too much drama … I’ve learned the more private i keep my relationship the better… less “Judgment”

I know things will work out with you and your SO and soon you will be a happy bride to be 🙂

 

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