- 5 years ago
So, it’s finally come to this. When my friends and I graduated high school (there are 8 of us in total) every last one of them was single…except for me. We all had this running notion that, of course, I was going to be the first to get married. We had been dating for a year and a half at that point and none of my friends had prospects – they were out living the single life.
I was never jealous of this because I am a hardcore serial monogamist and, to be honest, every time I tried to live that lifestyle I’d just come home feeling like it was a waste of time. Dating was more of my thing. Now, that I loved.
Skip forward three and a half years later and, here we are, still being referred to as “boyfriend and girlfriend.” (Bleh!) It’s been getting to me more and more lately since we just graduated college, ALL of my Facebook “friends” are tying the knot, and our five year anniversary is this month. Yes, I’m feeling the pressure, and I know he is too.
So it just goes to make things worse when I check my Facebook only to find that the first of that small group of high school friends is, yes, engaged. They have been dating for eleven months.
Now, I know that time has nothing to do with it. My SO and I have known since eight months in that this was IT. So, on one hand, of course I’m excited for her. But, on the other, I am mortifyingly embarrassed. I do something completely ridiculous. I just lay down and start crying.
“Everyone thinks you’re sad and pathetic,” my mind tells me. “They all think this relationship is going nowhere and that you’re just too scared to end it. They think you’re faking.”
Of course, this isn’t true (as far as I know) but in that situation, I am completely convinced that everyone is remembering back to high school and wondering what the **ll is wrong with me and my relationship.
I know that we are nowhere close to being financially able to even buy a ring, let alone pay for a life together, a wedding, a reception, AND a honeymoon. This recession has hit both of us hard and until one of us can find a life-supporting salary, I’m stuck here waiting. And, honestly, so is he. It’s gotten so bad that the inability to compeletely express our love for one another has driven a wedge in our relationship. Oh, the irony.
Of course, my SO was just so understanding and handed me a tissue and some hot chocolate. Bless that man.
I know that “this too shall pass” but I’m turning into a ridiculously emotional wreck. I know a true waiting bee is one who will not judge me and I love this board for that.