(Closed) Waiting isn't as much fun as I thought it'd be.

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Muhlhauser Barn

@LilySarah:  I compltely understand what you’re going through… I’m also 28, was dating my now finance for about a year when I started to get really anxious to get engaged for the same reasons you listed. He would do the back & forth thing too, saying that he was saving for the ring, then he would say that he was saving for a new car, then back to the ring… One minute he’d be asking me if I had a wedding date in mind, the next he was asking why I was watching “Say Yes to the Dress” on tv since I wasn’t engaged yet. SO CONFUSING. I think a lot of guys just may be like that in general… not as planning oriented as girls are… we know how much work it takes to plan a wedding, they really have no idea. And we get fixated on the wedding in general, guys don’t seem to do that. They figure it will happen when it happens, things will work themselves out & we want to get engaged so we can officially begin planning & start that period in our lives. Frustrating, but every couple that I’ve seen go through the back & forth has ultimately gotten engaged, myself included (we got engaged a 1 year, 3 months of dating… those last 3 months drove me crazy!). I’m sure it’ll come together for you too & you’ll be happily engaged & planning your wedding in no time at all!

Post # 4
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2016

I think it’s tough when you’re 28 (I am too).  At 28, there is a lot of conscious and subconscious pressure to get married/engaged, etc.  Just try to remember you have the rest of your life to be married and it’s generally considered irreversible, so the longer you wait the more information you have and the happier you will be.  Once you get engaged, things you worried about before won’t just magically fall into place; the worries may or may not intensify cause now the stakes are higher.  Sorry to be annoying by saying it that way, but maybe it will make you less put off by waiting :-p  I’ve been engaged 3 weeks and I feel like now I wish I were back to waiting, haha.

Hang in there!  Hope it all works out :-p

Post # 5
Member
322 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I wouldn’t worry too much. He is probably just nervous. If he jokes like that again, tell him that it makes you upset. Communication!!! My fiance made more jokes the closer to the proposal, because he was nervous and didn’t want me to guess when the proposal was coming.

Post # 6
Member
624 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@LilySarah:  Well I recently turned 29 can I still comment haha. I know how you feel though, I cant tell yoi how many people I have watched get engaged/married/pregnant in the last few months, and its so hard to watch! I know its zero fun to relinquish all the control, but thats how they like it. My SO has made jokes to me about calling my accountant and getting money out for things. I know hes not serious, I just think that is a subtle (or not so) way of letting you know “Yes Im going to propose but I have to get this taken care of first” I dont think he wants you to buy your own ring. I think he is just as anxious as you are to get engaged and wants you to know that! It will all work out, and it sounds like he wants you to know that too! 

Post # 7
Member
2302 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

I totally understand. While I’m 23, I’m basically in the same spot as you. We’ve been dating officially a year in a couple weeks…went on our first date December 2011 though. It’s soooooo hard waiting.

Post # 8
Member
4575 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@LilySarah:  try not to think too much into what he comments to you here and there…he might be doing that just to throw you off and make you think he is not doing.  If he is the kinda person that plays around with you all the time, then maybe this is just another game for now….iam sure if you both are on the same page, it will happen for you…GL and keep us posted ;))))

Post # 10
Member
2302 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

@LilySarah:  I’ve also been the same way since last week…. (he lost his job just before Chrismtas….just posted a thread about it like 20 minutes after you posted yours ironically) and he made the comment “I had a date picked to propose and I hope I can still follow through with it because that’s when I personally want to do it…but now with this whole job thing I don’t know. It makes me stressed and sad.” and he makes other comments that hit sore spots with me, although I know he’s just trying to be open about everything. Or he’ll call me Mrs. S… or Nicole S… and I tell him to stop because I don’t even have the ring yet. He’ll say something about the future and how I should start looking at dresses and planning books, etc. BUT I don’t want to until I have the ring at least.

Post # 12
Member
2302 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

@LilySarah:  I’ve obviously lurked a lot on these boards, and once and a while will look at some of the sites people post on here that get good reviews so I can bookmark them if I like them for future reference when it does happen (like bridesmaids dresses, sites to get cheap DIY supplies, etc.). When we seriously started looking at rings about 8 months in (he talked to the jewelers, etc.) I had been looking at planning books and whatnot, but I stopped because it made me that much more anxious to get a ring and be engaged to him to start planning our life together.

He just woke up a little while ago – was up late searching for jobs and then played some CODII – and asked if I liked the bread my grandma sent home with us and I was like “Uhhh yeah that’s why I got the recipe from her!” and he goes “Awwwww you’re such a good wife” I keep telling him to stop saying things like that because as much as it sounds sweet to hear sometimes, it kind of annoys me while I’m waiting because we’re not even engaged and it just irks me.

We moved in after dating for 10 months, and it was the best decision I’ve made….but i just wish that ring was coming sooner, or that I knew what season it is supposed to come in lol. I’m a dork. Hopefully he proposes soon so you can let your apartment go after August. Are you able to get out of it sooner if he proposes before then?

Post # 13
Member
1540 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I’ve been with SO for 5.5 years. Not to sound like I’m diminishing the time you’ve been with your SO, but 10 months isn’t very long. I know waiting is extremely rought (been there-still there). I think it’s really important to not rush into anything. 28 is still young. I know it’s hard to watch others get married/ have babies before you, but I would rather watch those go before me while I wait knowing that by the time I get married I’ll know 100% he’s the one- not going to get divorced. Maybe it’s because my parents are divorced, but I think it’s extremely imporant not to rush things. Think long term, not “I want this now.”

Post # 14
Member
329 posts
Helper bee

@LilySarah:  whats the difference if its his money or your money if youre getting married?

Post # 16
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Here’s a virtual hug, with full empathy!  I’m 31, so most of my great college friends have 2 or 3 kids and are done having babies already…and I had basically focused on my career and a lot of other things before meeting my SO.  We’ve been in total agreement for the last 5 months or so about engagement and marriage, and I was truly fine with waiting at first.  When we started looking at rings together I was SOO excited, and not anxious at all.  

Suddenly…I’m realizing that it’s been months and there are no near-future plans for a real proposal, as far as I can tell.  I have been trying the shut-it-up pact, but HE brings it up all the time.  (Marriage by May, planning, etc.)  I don’t know how I can pull off even a small wedding if I don’t have a ring soon – he knows I want to try on dresses but feel awkward buying a dress if I am not engaged.  He tells me daily that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, and I believe him….but I don’t think he really feels any rush to ask me. 

I am going to tell you what I keep telling myself – they love us, they just need time to sort things out and it’s a big (scary) move for a guy, even when they are sure.  I’m trying to just be glad that I have been blessed with an amazing man I know I want to spend my future with….I’d like to get that future rolling, too. 🙂

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