- 5 years ago
- Wedding: Breckenridge, CO
Hi, I’m new.
I’m 27 years old and have been dating my 34 year old boyfriend for over 3 years. We have been distance the entire time. We met through mutual friends and for the first 3 years we lived 1.5 hours away. I’ve been waiting for about a year, 9 months of misery and 3 months of excitement.
The first year or two our distance relationship was great. We’d see each other on weekends and have a blast. I had gotten out of a horrible relationship and wasn’t looking for anything super serious. He had gotten divorced a year earlier from a starter marriage he rushed into so I think he was stoked I didn’t pressure him at all. I was starting my teaching career and working on my master’s full-time, so it was great to have some space.
He was waiting on a job transfer to move to my city. I wouldn’t move to the small podunk town where he lived.
After about 2 years later right around the time I was turning 26 I started thinking that maybe I should get some direction in my life. I asked him where this relationship was going and I got a lot of “I don’t know”‘s.
I was NOT happy about that. I wasn’t expecting a proposal (and I really wasn’t ready!) there were still lots of things I wanted to do as a single woman but how do you not “know” after 2+ years?
We continued on like that for about 9 months. I got increasingly miserable. I felt like I was putting my life was on hold until he got his transfer and figured out what he wanted. He kept saying that he wanted to be with me, but he needed to get his job transfer first (he had been waiting 4 years at this point!) and then we’d be in the same city, and we could live together so he could “make sure” about me.
I had lived with an ex boyfriend. Been there, done that, not doing it again and not giving up my freedom until I’m married.
After 9 months of being miserable and getting so sick of hearing “I don’t know” I finally DID something. I didn’t pressure him, no ultimatums, I didn’t cry or threaten or scream.
I left and backpacked in South America by myself for 2 months this summer
I accepted a better job in more exciting city 500 miles away. I figured hey, it’s not that far, he can visit if he wants, and I can either move back when my contract is up if he gets it together or I’ll be in a much better place to find another relationship.
Pretty much the second I decided I wasn’t going to wait for him and compromise myself on some guy who just couldn’t figure out that I was worth it he changed his tune
He got his job transfer a month ago and now he knows if he wants me to move in with him or even in the same state as him that it will be on MY terms- engaged, preferably married.
He talks all the time about the future and how he can’t wait to spend his life with me, how he’s looking at houses, etc. Meanwhile I get to do EVERYTHING I had wanted to do in life (I always felt that I needed to move somewhere where I didn’t know anyone before I settled down and got married- crazy, but hey I did it!)
Anyways I’m frustrated he didn’t get his act together sooner but he said a proposal is coming by the end of the year. He says we’ll go to Hawaii (his family lives in Oahu so we’ve been twice already) and he’ll take me on a special side trip to Maui.
If he doesn’t get it together by the end of this year (that will be 3.5 years together!) I’ll know it’s definitely time to move on.