The WeddingBee forum seems so open-minded and a warm community of women with no “guidelines” to follow or judging others.
I have done some pre-planning and know what we would want for our wedding. I was engaged once before and found the whole planning a wedding very overwhelming, so in my mind the pre-planning is no big deal and a good idea. Sure, i understand some of their points, but after reading this and being on Weddingbee it discouraged me from joining their forum.
The Knot listed this on their website for the “Not Engaged Yet” section of the forum:
Be aware that many of the posters on this board do NOT encourage planning a wedding before you consider yourself engaged.
What constitutes planning? Researching venues, vendors, or flowers. Picking colors, wedding party attire, or your wedding dress. Making down payments.
It’s okay to spot something you like while idly browsing the knot ONCE IN A WHILE and bookmark it with the thought of “someday maybe.” It’s even ok to have an occasional conversation with your SO about what you might like to have someday in reference to your wedding. It’s not okay to spend a large amount of your free time poring over, for example, flower arrangements, with the idea of “saving time later” by picking out exactly what you want NOW. See the difference?
There are a variety of common reasons regs cite as to why “pre-planning” is not a good idea:
-Because it doesn’t make sense to plan an event that you don’t yet absolutely positively know IS happening.
-Because no one needs a year to plan a wedding. No one. We really, REALLY don’t like to hear “I’m a planner, so…”
-Because by skipping ahead, you’re living in the future instead of the present. You’re denying yourself a wonderful experience — the excitement and anticipation of looking forward to something that will only happen once — a proposal. Once it’s over, it’s over, and you can never look forward to it again. Enjoy it while you can.
-Also, consider that you’re not giving your Boyfriend or Best Friend or his proposal their due by skipping ahead of them.
-Your tastes, preferences, budget, desired location can change in a week, a month, a year. They can also change once you take into account what your SO wants, or what the people that might be contributing funds to the event want.
-The personal experience of many of the married posters on this board is that wedding planning WILL GET OLD and that you are better off saving your excitement and energy for when it comes time to pick a date and start booking venues and vendors.
Only you and your Boyfriend or Best Friend can determine your relationship status.
We cannot tell you whether you are or are not engaged. There is no such thing as “unofficially engaged” or “engaged to be engaged” or “planning a wedding, but without an ‘official’ proposal”. Either you are engaged or you aren’t, and that’s a determination only you and your SO can make.
You do not need a ring to be engaged. You’ll hear this a lot around here. Many couples get engaged without a ring. All you really need is an agreement between both people that you intend to marry each other. Nobody can tell you that you’re engaged if you and your significant other don’t think so, but if you’ve picked a date and started planning but claim you’re not engaged… well, you’re going to get some funny looks.