(Closed) Waiting + LDR = Crummy Situation

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
1090 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’ve been in a LDR for 4 years almost. Only 2-3 hours- but still enough that we only saw eachother on weekends (and not every one). He originally told me that he wanted to move by me (in the city) –after 2 years of not finding a job, I decided that I would move down there EVENTUALLY. He also said he wanted to live together before an engagement… however, something changed because we started talking about engagements and I told him that if we would get engaged near the end of my lease, I would move back in with my parents to save money for the wedding…but I wouldn’t want to move home unless there was a ring on my finger. He didn’t seem bothered by this (guess his whole living together before marriage thing  flew out the window) … so he proposed about 2 months before my lease was up and we get married in 78 days!! Still LDR however… but getting closer.

Do you think marriage is as important to him as it is you? If it is, I’m sure that it’ll all end up working out. Just be honest and open. Wow- I thought 4 years was bad. Good job keeping it going after 7 🙂 you obv. really love eachother- just try to be patient. Sorry, I really am rambling!!


Post # 4
1013 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@miss.qwerty: I have bee there for sure. I love in Canada and Fiance lives in NYC. We talked for a long time about what we would do and where we would live. We had decided that I would stay here and him there until he graduated university. A couple of times I almost transferred over there just out of missing him. I stuck to mu guns and told him I wouldnt until we were engaged. I explained to him I just felt better about planning on moving there if I knew we were actually going to finally take the plunge!! A few months later I got my ring. Now we are planning a wedding but I am still where I am and he is still there until we get closer to the day! I hope this helps!

Post # 5
3306 posts
Sugar bee

I would stick to my guns on that- you are chaing your life for him- the least he could do is propose to you—- it isn’t that hard (my opinion). Good luck!

Post # 6
29 posts
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m in a similar situation (except it’s been three years instead of seven). Your boyfriend probably feels like ‘logic’ is on his side – trying a new situation out before committing is smart, right?

But you (very logically) feel hurt and insulted that he doesn’t appear to have faith in you as a person – like there’s something you would do/problems he anticipates during that ‘trial period’ that would undo all you’ve built together over seven years. At least, that’s how I felt.

Maybe if you explain it that way, he’ll think about it differently. Good luck! You have every right to desire an engagement before moving, if that’s what you need – don’t let anyone bully you into thinking otherwise.

Post # 8
1013 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

View original reply
@miss.qwerty: Just keep the lines of communication open. Be real with him at all times about what it is that you want. That is the best way to make it happen!

Post # 9
1089 posts
Bumble bee

The part of your post about feeling like people are telling you that things are different because you are in an LDR really hits home for me. 

Of course LDRs can be incredibly challenging, and getting to know someone in person can be quite different.  I’ll admit that spending more time with SO prior to getting married is imperative, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t have a grasp on reality or that my relationship is meaningless. 

Being long distance has allowed SO and I to create an incredibly strong bond with one another, allowing us to build an amazing strong foundation for our future.  I’m sure you feel similarly with your SO.  I would much rather have him, even though we spend most of our time apart.  What I have with him is far better than anything else I’ve ever had in a “normal distance” relationship. 

I don’t have any advice, but I just wanted to let you know that I can relate to a number of things you have said in your post. ***Hugs***

Post # 11
98 posts
Worker bee

Just chiming in here . . . I know it’s been seven years, but it’s true that you have been living apart for a long time now . .  maybe your guy wants to build a sense of stability together to give both of you a chance to get into a rhythm together and share a bit of a social life before taking that step.  I know it seems like a luxury that not everyone in an LDR can have.  But it’s not necessarily a sign that he’s not thinking marriage.  I think it can be more difficult for some guys to reach the point of emotional and mental readiness without living near each other.  Honestly, though, you have both had so much time together.  Marriage might be more of an adjustment because you haven’t lived near each other, but after a while, I’m sure you’d grow beyond that.  

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