(Closed) Waiting = losing excitement

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
358 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I’m in the same boat as you. Its been talked about so much and so anticipated that I kinda feel like it’s ruined sometimes. The element of surprise has kind of been squashed. Ugh…Hopefully I’m wrong.

edit: we’ve been together 5 1/2 years

Post # 4
Member
2183 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium

I waited 5 years for the proposal, and we (read: I) talked about it constantly. When it finally did happen, I was just as thrilled as ever, No “it’s about time,” although, Darling Husband does say it took him long enough to do it. haha It was important to him that we be stable with jobs and stuff before the proposal. We started dating when I was 19, so waiting that long for us was a good idea.

And we’re living happily ever after!

Post # 5
Member
229 posts
Helper bee

@Mrs. Gremmlin: Thanks for the encouragement πŸ™‚ I’ve been feeling down lately because SO and I previously agreed we would get married in June 2012… At this point, without any sort of proposal, planning, etc., I simply don’t see how that could possibly happen. I’ve been afraid that when he actually does propose, I won’t be excited, just sad that it is coming “too late.” (Not sure if he is dragging his feet for a reason or simply because he’s oblivious to calendars ha.) 

Post # 7
Member
2183 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium

@Ambergris: We set so many “propose by” dates that it was ridiculous. He never doubted that he wanted to marry me, but he wanted the time to be “right.” I couldn’t understand how *that* moment wasn’t right… but he held strong. And finally, when the moment came when he thought it was right (I was doing dishes, mind you), it was perfect.

Post # 8
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee

Thank you for posting this! I have not been with my SO for 8 years, but we are going on 4 years next Spring. I’ve been bad and have brought it up too much over the years – partially because it wasn’t happening and partially because I tend to self-doubt and over-analyze everything. I’ve heard this same type of stuff from my SO about it being the “right time.” In my head, I’m always thinking… well, the right time may have already passed because I am “waiting,” but then he reminds me that he’s in the relationship too πŸ™‚ Sometimes I forget that πŸ™‚ I’m lucky that he is very patient and doesn’t hold it against me that I’ve said some of the same things over and over the last few years.

And finally, when the moment came when he thought it was right (I was doing dishes, mind you), it was perfect.

I’m hoping to experience something like this when our time is “right.” I agree that after it gets talked about so much, it’s hard to imagine it being the way you’ve always pictured, but posts like this make me stay positive! Kudos to all the lovely ladies who have been with their SO’s for a long time! It is hard to wait at times, but I also like to think that by the time you get engaged, you’ve been together longer than many married couples. It’s a great foundation for happiness!

Post # 9
Member
87 posts
Worker bee

Ambergris I’m in the 8 year boat as well.  It gets really, really tough sometimes.  I don’t know what I would do without the Bee because my friends and family are even more frustrated and anxious than I am!  We, too, had talked about a June 2012 wedding but at this point I’ve given up on that because I haven’t done ANY planning at all and six months is nowhere near long enough for me.  It sucks because two of my closest friends are in medical school and June is the only month that works for them to be a part of my wedding, so if not this June then I’d have to wait even longer to accommodate their school schedule.  πŸ™ Sad thing is, SO is well aware of this and it doesn’t seem to bother him.  Alas…hang in there.  I feel your pain.

Post # 11
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think I’m at the same point as you, I have been waiting so long I just can’t imagine it happening any more, and that all seems lost hope. Luckily, many bees who went through this got engaged soon after, so your time is probably nearly up πŸ™‚

Post # 13
Member
51 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I’m SO relieved that I’m not the only one feeling this way. Honestly, I was thinking yesterday “he said definitely this year… it has been almost 51 out of 52 weeks…this is  just MEAN.” I know it’s just because I’m tired of waiting, and I feel like the magic of anticipation has gone and it’s just anxiety. “Technically” he hasn’t gone back the “this year” statement yet… but still!

Post # 14
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee

@DustyRose:

I think you have done an amazing job for hardly bringing it up! I wish I could say the same for myself, but I’m trying to improve that. I’ve told myself that I should give him some talk-free time to put his words into action. I think he more than deserves it.

The funny thing is… I think when it comes down to it, I get uncomfortable in those romantic scenarios, and after I’ve bugged him about it for years – I bet I’ll be the one who’s nervous when it actually happens. I think it’s very normal to feel like you can’t picture something happening after you’ve been thinking/hoping for it too for a long time. Maybe that’s part of the excitement – that when he actually asks, it will not be like you imagined at all – it will be even better!

Keep hanging in there! I can’t speak for you, but I know I have really weak days where it’s all I can think about and everything reminds me of the fact that he hasn’t asked. I hate those days, BUT I’ve also noticed that if I choose to not worry about it and move onto the next thing, I’m really happy the next day that I didn’t let my mind get me down or bother my SO with it. Sometimes that’s really hard for me to do cuz I am a worrier, but it’s surprising how much better I feel sometimes just after a good night sleep and a happy laughing moment with my SO. 

 

 

Post # 15
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee

I was feeling really “blah” about it a few weeks ago, I go through cycles of different emotions. the “cycle of crazy” as I call it.

this week has been kind of a rollercoaster (related to christmas I think)

I’ve been: hopeful-excited, then disappointed-realistic, then impatient-angry, and now I’m back to just blah…

 

 

Post # 16
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

This thread pretty much sums up how I’ve been feeling. We have been together almost 5 years and I have begun to talk and obsess about the proposal more and more over the last little while. Even though I am worried it will detract from the actual moment, I just can’t stop! Glad to know others are in the same boat and that the proposal, when it actually happens, will be just as exciting as if I’d kept my mouth shut!!

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