(Closed) waiting newbee

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
1293 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Awe welcome 🙂 I am in a friends wedding party and the wedding is Sept 1 .. I am not sure I will make it through with out a little tear either

Post # 5
9952 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Welcome to the Bee!  This is an amazing place, you’ll enjoy it.  And from your description it doesn’t sound as though an engagement is too far away on your horizon.  Good luck and hang in there!

Post # 7
169 posts
Blushing bee

@gray_peony: Welcome! You have more patience than I do.  I would definitely be trying harder to pin him  down about a timeframe, if he’s hinting about marriage/kids next year but then not moving forward with a proposal. I’m direct and brutally honest, and I think it’s fair that these decisions be made together with open and honest communication.

I’d say something like, “If you want any chance of having our first child next year, we’d need to be trying in early 2013 (and hoping we’re lucky enough to get pregnant in the first few months). I’m not comfortable TTC unti we’re married, so that means we’d want to be married in early 2013 – January to March. What are your expectations for a wedding? I would like at least 6 months to plan. Which would  mean we’d need to get engaged in the next few months. Since you tell me you want to be married and have a child next year, that’s the timeline that makes sense to me. What timeline makes sense to you?”

If he stalls or says he “doesn’t know” again, I wouldn’t let the conversation drop. I might following up with something like, “You’re saying you “don’t know” about the engagement. If it’s happening soon enough for us to be married early next year, wouldn’t you know already? If you’re not ready to make this happen so fast, I’d rather you tell me honestly what your feelings and plans are so that we can be on the same page.” If he still waffles, you could ask him what financial goals he wants to accomplish before engagement – perhaps that’s what’s holding him back?

I think sometimes guys don’t realize how long it takes (from getting engaged, to planning a wedding, to TTC, to the 9-month pregnancy, etc), so it might help him if you two talk calmly about timing of some of the major milestones. Good luck!

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