(Closed) Waiting no more

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 17
7960 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

is marriage a non-negotible for you?

you need to ask yourself this…

“would you rather be with him, not married;

or married to someone else?

Post # 18
1007 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

So sorry to hear this… I agree with some of the previous posters though.  I could never give up my dreams like that… if he doesn’t share your dreams, then perhaps he’s not the right one.

Post # 20
2560 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Don’t give up. I wish we at least (in some US states) had the option of common law. It is very uncommon here. 

Post # 21
184 posts
Blushing bee

Just wondering if he has told you he wants to marry you and is just dragging his feet or if he says he is unsure about marriage. If it’s the former then there is hope. He might come around sooner than later but you might have to let him know how important it is to you and that you won’t wait forever. Give it a timeline in your head or even tell him that timeline. Some women here are open with their walk date timelines.

I’m really sorry you have to go through this. Waiting for the guy to come around sucks. But like others have said you don’t have to be his girlfriend forever. You have the power to walk when you had enough and you have the power to tell him you won’t wait forever or too much longer.

Post # 22
1589 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I don’t know about Canada, but in California common law married was outlawed over a hundred years ago- it’s not even a real thing here.  I wouldn’t settle for less than your dream!!

Post # 24
2478 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center


@Alaric2012: This may all well be true. But doesnt your SO see how much he is hurting you by depriving you of the status of “wife”. Does he call you his girlfriend? Does he care that it is something you want? I hate the word girlfriend.

Post # 25
2168 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@EffieTrinket:  +1

OP – that’s a sad sad post.

Don’t you count at all?

You don’t sound happy at all about the situation. You’re settling for someone making you feel like your needs don’t matter. There is no reason to be ashamed about wanting to get married. For those that do it right, it’s a beautiful thing.

Your words from your post read like this: I’ve decided that I dont matter, and I’ll grow old with someone who doesn’t value me.

Gah! No!!!

Omg, I just went back and read this response:   it’s always been a joke about him taking my last name as i have the cooler last name, his is woods….ugh but whatever lol. i’m a bit better today, we’ll see what happens, we’re tied together more than just common law, we co signed on a condo and do our taxes together, and hv life ins against each other should one of us die. personally, we’re as married as some couples w/o the paper and ring lol

So basically you’re financially tied to him without him having the responsibility of being a husband. Reality check: you’re NOT married! You are playing house! I’m sorry to be so harsh but argh this drives me crazy! Why do people do things backwards?? I don’t even know you and I can tell you that you deserve sooooo much better than this!

Go over and read the response I just posted under the ‘resentful that it’s taking so long’ thread.

I genuinely wish you the best of luck.

Post # 27
2168 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Alaric2012:  Ok…but I’m just going by your original post, which sounded sad and like you were giving up on your dream. If it works for you, great, but that’s not what you wrote.

I just remember how that felt, to feel like my needs didn’t matter with someone I love, and it felt awful. It felt like I was running into a brick wall every day. It was soul crushing.


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