Post # 1
New bee here! Good evening!
I just wanted to open up the forum to this issue: guys that have come “this” close to getting married before they were with you.
I have actually been with not one but two men who had broken off engagements before they dated me, and I honestly think it really affects how they feel about engagements/marriage in general.
Currently I’m 25, waiting on a man who is 35 and was engaged in the past. (I’m not sure what he’s waiting for – all I know is that he’s waiting)
Things to wonder:<br />1) is it all just too big of a change in one’s life to recover from a broken off engagement?
2) is your man over that trauma? has he learned that not all engagements are to be made equal?
In my case his ex cheated on him 3 months before the wedding and broke it off. But this isn’t so much about MY situation – I will post about a detailed explanation of my waiting when I have the chance – I’m wondering what all you other waiting bees think about this topic!
Please share your opinions on this topic 🙂
Post # 2
DH was engaged and broke it off shortly before we met. It didn’t scare him off, and we were engaged about 6 months after we met. I think it just depends on the guy.
Post # 3
- Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman
My SO wasn’t engaged before but he had his heart broken, and was cheated on and I know it had an effect on our relationship. He was scared to get serious for fear of having his heart broken again, and we definitely took things slow but it has all worked out for us so far. I think some guys are scared of having another broken engagement and that’s fair so they just want more time to be sure. There may also be some guys out there who just have a fear of commitment and that’s why the last engagement was broken off and why they dont feel ready.
Post # 4
My hubby has been engaged and married and divorced TWICE before me. However we got together, engaged and married in under 7months. For me I just think it’s an easy get out
Post # 5
I was the one that was engaged before and no it didn’t sour me on engagements because I knew he was the right guy this time.
Post # 6
It’s not just limited to men. I was engaged when I was 22 and it imploded when I was 23. Will not go into detail but it was tramatic and I was not in a place for a serious relationship until my 30’s. Besides, I moved around a lot for my career. I met my now Fiance 6 months after my engagement ended. He waited 7 years to date, until I was ready for such a serious relationship. It would not have worked out otherwise and I would have lost a very close friend. Marriage is a big deal, best to wait until both people are ready for the commitment.
Post # 7
SO has been engaged before, a few years ago. He didn’t date for about 3 years, as it didn’t end well (she cheated on him with her ex) and needed time to get over it and ‘find’ himself. She was very insecure and controlling in the relationship, so I get it.
Initially, it did impact the kind of timeline he had in mind. IE no living together before 1 year of dating, no engagement before 4 years, no joint finances, etc. I never pushed anything, and let him take his time. He completely surprised himself though. He told me he loved me after less than a month of dating. After about 3 months he moved in, and about a year later he wanted to look for enegement rings. I know we will be engaged sometime in the next few months!
I have been married previously, and that marriage failing has had no impact on how I view relationships. If anything I think both our experiences have impacted us and our relationship positively. We both realised that this was something special, and because we have both been treated so poorly and in sucky situations we know we have a good thing!
Post # 8
I was previously engaged to someone who looked “perfect” on paper, but in reality things weren’t that great. It really put a damper on relationships for me after and I actually thought I would never want to get married. And then I met my husband-to-be and it became reality! I think when you meet the right person, it will work out and it’s meant to be. The right person will make you want marriage and a lifetime of love and happiness together.
Post # 9
- Wedding: September 2017 - Rossino Castle
In our case,I was the one that was not only engaged,but married before.It did affect how I felt toward marriage up until I met my SO.Now,being with him just make me realize what an healthy and loving relationship really is,and I’m excited about marriage again.
As for my SO,he’s never been engaged or lived with a so in his life,but he’s had his heart and trust crushed just as badly as I did,so on one side he can’t wait too to start our life together,but on the other hand he’s also trying to protect himself a little bit,by holding back on the future a little bit.I’m saying a little bit because out relationship is still moving much faster than most,but it’s probably going slower than it would if neither of us had been so hurt before.
Post # 10
Gotcha! I didn’t realize people carry that with them for so long. I’m not trying to be insensitive! Thank you for your input.
Post # 11
My SOs ex and he bought a house together, but it was in her name. He put about 30k dollars into it when she broke it off – essentially saying “get out of MY house”.
I think this was one of the worst parts about it – he wants to buy a house now. But I think the loss of the money and his first house is still traumatic.
I’m not sure how to cope with all this either – I have had abusive/traumatic relationships that I don’t carry with me (at least not openly), and I also haven’t been engaged before. <br />Now I’m just venting! LOL
Post # 12
SO and his ex had bought a house too. The house made 100k profit when they sold it after they split. She took him to court, had amazing lawyers as she comes from money and SO doesnt. She won ALL OF IT!!!! The worst part, about a year later SO’s mum ran into her, she was married to her ex and had a baby.
I think the best thing he did was to take time to himself. It took him 3 years to get back into dating, and another 3 after that for us to meet, but he has no relationship issues because of it. He is an amazing thoughtful man, I have no idea how any one could have been that awful to him. I know I am bias though LOL
Post # 13
My guy was engaged the night we met. He broke up with her that night, he told me that after meeting me he knew, whether I went out with him or not, that he could not marry her.
Post # 14
my now fiancee has never been engaged before but he was with someone else for several years. She treated him so badly because she was the bread winner betwee the two of them and she let him know that. I came in the picture of a year after he left her and he thanks me everyday. He was not traumatized but he was so hurt and worried about his ability to be the best he could in our relationship but with some TLC we couldn’t be happier. The right person will help change the mindset from previous damage, imo.
Post # 15
My SO was engaged previously and she broke it off after almost 9 years together. needless to say he was heartbroken. After we met he kept me at arms length for 18months because he was afraid of having his heart broken again. 4 years on and we plan to get engaged this year.