(Closed) Waiting on my boyfriend of 8.5 years to propose.

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Aw you are cute sweetheart. My advice is that you are both young and trying to do things “right”. Too many people think there is some kind of timeline nowadays  30 is the new 20. lol. I say if u love eachother and feel he is worth the wait then wait  Seriously. I waited 5 years for my ring and I am 29. My fiancee wanted everything to be perfect too. I love him, and my ring more than ever now cause it was worth the wait! 

Post # 5
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Chantel:  

It seems like you don’t want to wait 2 more years for him to propose, there is nothing wrong with that except that you have given him a 10 year deadline which ends in 2 years. 

The best advice I can give (And it is just the way I deal with things, it may not be how you decide to do things) is to tell him that you are tired of waiting and that you want to be engaged within the next 6 months or whenever you are comfortable with. Just tell him that you both have jobs and you feel like it is the right time. If he still insists that it’s not, then maybe you’re better off with someone else. Unless of course you’re willing to wait.

Sometimes men are so oblivious and you just got to tell them exactly what you want.

Post # 6
Member
5980 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

If you aren’t comfortable with getting engaged in two years, you need to talk to him about it.  It sounds to me like you told him that two years was ok, and he agreed to it.  But you’ve since reconsidered and realized that’s too long.  That’s ok!  Just talk to him abou it…he can’t read your mind.

 

Post # 7
Member
1385 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

It sounds like you were trying to give him extra time to save, but honey if you really just want to be engaged, then tell him you are ready to be engaged and you don’t want to wait anymore. Maybe you should propose to him. I recently read a thread on this forum of a girl who proposed to her fiance.You might not be that kind of gal, but maybe he feels pressured by society and doesn’t have money for a really nice ring. 8.5 years is a long time to be with someone, so I encourage you to express your feelings to him and tell him that you are okay with a practice-engagement ring until he can get you whatever you want, if that’s what you want. Many girls are loving different stones these days and that could be an option for you two. Hopefully he see’s it your way.

Post # 8
Member
9074 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I dont want to force him to marry me but I get so jealous when I see other people who have only dated for a lil while getting married and having babies.



So, because of what other people are doing you want to make him do it too? I understand you guys have been together for a considerable amount of time, but you started dating him when you were 17, just a wee kiddo.

It does sound like to me you want to force him to marry you. I am not a fan of these “timelines” because they are prettied up packaged ultimatums, and I’m of the unpopular opinion that you don’t give loved ones ultimatums unless it will save their life.

Getting married is important to you — You’ve made that so clear it’s leaking through my screen, but I think you’re going about it the wrong way. “Marry me or I leave.” is very blunt and very forceful. You say you don’t want to force him into marriage, but that’s exactly what you’ve done.

I don’t say this to be harsh, or to make you feel bad, because I get that you want to have that happily ever after. I get that you want to have the 2.5 children with a white picket fence (generalizing), but if you’re really willing to throw nearly ten years of your life away just because something isn’t happening fast enough…

Post # 10
Member
6745 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

I know you’ve been together a very long time, but you’re both still young.  I’m 28 and just got engaged.  All my friends my age are getting engaged this year, too.  One of my friends got engaged at 25 and married at 26.  I still think it’s young, but they were at a good financial stage in their lives so it worked out or them.  My Fiance was saving or 2 1/2 years to get me a nice ring.  We’re both waiting a while for marriage and kids until we’re situated.  I think that your Fiance is just being responsible and you really shouldn’t base your timeline because of what other people are doing.  You need to do what’s right for the two of you.  Other people can be rushing into things, or struggling with money, or starting their lives off with debt – you don’t know.  So just take things in your relationship at a pace where it’s good for the two of you without worrying about what everyone else in life is doing. 

ETA:  You don’t seem to be worried like he will NEVER propose, right??  And, if the issue is that you want to take the relationship to the next step, why don’t you move in now, before the engagement? 

Post # 11
Member
1448 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@futuremrsk18:  “And, if the issue is that you want to take the relationship to the next step, why don’t you move in now, before the engagement? “

This is a bad idea and possibly won’t give her the “next step” she is looking for.

Post # 12
Member
6745 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Anise:  You’re right.  I moved in with my fiance and he never proposed.  I wonder what this ring is doing on my finger!

I think it’s really silly to think that moving in with a man means he won’t propose.  If he wants to marry her because that’s what they both want and he wants her to be happy, he’ll do it even if they’re living together.  If he’s ONLY doing it to get her to move in with him, then who wants a guy like that anyway???

Post # 13
Member
1448 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@futuremrsk18:  Just look up all the threads of women who *have* moved in with their SOs and they’re grumpy because they’re not engaged and don’t see any sign of it.  It’s a bad general policy.

Even if it worked for you doesn’t mean it works for everyone.  Congrats on your engagement.

Post # 14
Member
788 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@sfe89:  I was in the same position as you. I’ve been with Fiance for over 9 years, and he proposed a few months ago. I was feeling the same way around the 7-8 year mark, around when I turned 25. The thing is, I knew that if I broke up with him because he didn’t propose by a certain time, I would end up being the one to suffer because I knew that he was the one, and if I want to pledge forever to him, sometimes I’d have to be patient, and sometimes he would have to be as well. I received a lot of advice from a lot of older, married women, and they told me that often times a man wants to propose when he knows that he can fully support you and is ready to make some babies. This may not be true in your case, but I think that was true in ours. All in all, if forever is what you’re after, then don’t worry about other couples – you don’t know the struggles they face, nor do they know the struggles you face. You two have built a solid foundation, and when the time is right, it will be amazingly perfect. Have faith in your love and patience with your love. Take care.

Post # 15
Member
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Hyperventilate:  I am not a fan of them either for people who started dating very young. Dating for 5-6 years at the age of 20 is very different than doing it years later. It sounds artifically longer than it is.

Post # 16
Member
2227 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I think you guys need to take the age factor out of this (@Hyperventilate& mjwyatt84). It’s a insulting to dismiss the OP’s want simply because she’s younger than you.

Clearly there is a high level of commitment here from both of you. Talk to your partner and see what’s holding him back from taking the next step. I think it’s probably some mental barrier that can be overcome. He might not think he’s ready & he just needs to be put at ease that the money/love/life is all going to be ok.

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