(Closed) Update: Waiting or Stringing Along?!

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Why don’t you just plan the wedding and just plan on having the ring in time for the big day (or worry about it after)?  I know that’s not traditional or maybe how you saw it playing out in your mind, but if you two really want to be married and you really want it to happen this winter, I don’t see the point in waiting.

Post # 5
Member
1059 posts
Bumble bee

@givemecouture:  I’m not sure what to tell you but just wanted to send hugs your way!

Post # 6
Member
1402 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

It kind of sounds like you’re already engaged, to tell the truth.  Maybe he feels like a proposal is unnecesary.

Post # 9
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

He may intend to, but not soon.  I’m not one for ultimatums, but he might need a wake-up call.  BC pills, your own place, whatever it takes.  Something that will get you on the right path to start again if he doesn’t get his crap together. 

Post # 10
Member
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

It doesn’t sound as bad to me as it does to you, I think.

Part of this is just my own personal feeling, so it may not apply to you.  We already had our venue and major vendors booked a few months before Darling Husband officially proposed, and friends and family had already been notified of the date.  But Darling Husband really wanted to save and buy my e-ring on his own, plan a nice evening out, and ask me properly.  It sounds a little silly since we were already technically engaged, but it was important to him and it was a wonderful experience for me.  So I don’t regret having a “proposal”…I just don’t think it was absolutely necessary.  But YMMV.

That doesn’t sound like the issue though.  You said you’ve planned the wedding but he’s told you to hold off until he proposes.  And he sounded kind of blase’ about having to wait another year.  But he sounds very serious about marrying you, to the point of announcing you’d be married “soon” to friends, so I tend to think he’s got something up his sleeve.  Are you sure he’s not trying to throw you off-track about having already ordered the ring?

In any event, if you’re having any doubts about his commitment to you, it’s probably a good idea to curtail the baby-making attempts.  Let him know that’s something you want to do with your husband.  It’s not manipulative to say that – it’s just clearing up what I think might be mixed messages between you (“Let’s have kids together even though it’s up in the air whether we’re getting married”).

 

ETA: Just read your reply about the new ring.  That’s straight up weird.  I would go back on BC and get this straightened out.  He can’t play both sides of the fence.

Post # 11
Member
9888 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@givemecouture:  A 37-year-old man behaving this way is a red flag, no doubt.  Your gut is sending off alarm bells to your heart on quite a regular basis.

I have a question, are there any other inconsistencies you’ve noticed about this man?  Yep, he is putting you off.  But we need to figure out WHY he’s putting you off. 

Are you on the mortgage as part owner of your home?

By all means, please get back on birth control right away, you don’t want to get pregnant before you’re ready. 

It seems from your posts that he has a hidden agenda; it seems as though he’d banking on the fact that you will never leave him.

You need to ask him some hard questions and don’t let him put you off any more.  Find out more about this guy.

Post # 12
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

I vote stringing along.  He is 37, you have lived together 3 years, he is just looking for excuses to delay and stall.  I think your gut is right.  Listen to it.

Post # 14
Member
9888 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@givemecouture:  As far as I can tell, you’re not the one being manipulative here, he is.

I’m glad your name is also on the deed as co-owner of the house, that’s good.  By getting back on birth control you’re sending him a clear message you that you’re serious about getting married before becoming parents.  It’s obvious that isn’t a priority for him or he would have proposed by now instead of keeping on pushing your wedding plans back.

If I were you, I’d propose to him regardless of his opinion about it.  Because this is your life, too, and you have a right to have a say in how things go.  You want to get married.  He has repeatedly told you he wants to get married but has taken no concrete steps towards that goal.  If you propose to him he will have to answer a definite Yes or No.  Right?

As we all know, actions speak much louder than words.

I’d start being wary of a man who treated me the way he’s treating you.  In fact, if he waits too long to propose it may turn out to be a case of “too little too late.”  I’m hoping he doesn’t want to risk losing you but it’s obvious he has some issues with regard to marriage that he’s refused to share with you thus far.

Do you know anyone who also knows him that you could talk to and maybe shed some light on why he’s behaving this way?  (Mutual friend, family member, ex-wife??)

The topic ‘Update: Waiting or Stringing Along?!’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors