(Closed) Waiting or stringing along?

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
9887 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@givemecouture:  Have you thought about just proposing to him?  It does sound like he wants to marry you but something is causing his indecisiveness.  Do you notice this personality trait regarding anything else in his life?

Post # 5
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

It sounds like you need to talk to him and let him know that his constant moving the goal posts is affecting your relationship. Tell him that you need a firm timeline that isn’t going to change. It’s also probably worth it to find out why he keeps changing his mind.

Post # 7
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee

@givemecouture:  We have a home already and we have pets together. We do everything together and otherwise live as a married couple.

So what incentive does he have to make you official? You are going to have to make it very clear that your happiness in the future is contingent on your relationship progressing. Don’t threaten him, just make sure he knows that this status quo and lack of follow through have worn out thier welcome.

Post # 8
Member
866 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@givemecouture:  I think you have every right to ask for a firm timeline or at least an explanation after having had open conversations about it that have since changed. Just let him know that you care about him, and you want to make sure you guys are on the same page regarding engagement and marriage. You don’t have to sound whiney when you ask; it’s a practical question, especially for a couple who are living together and have discussed marriage. Then just open the door to let him tell you what’s on his mind. If he is hesitant, I think it would be fair to explain to him what you’ve explained to us; that the changing timeline is driving you nuts. Maybe if you explain how many times this has caused you to get your hopes up and to get let down he’ll see that you are giving him an opportunity to put that cycle to an end by just telling you what his expectations are. 

Post # 10
Member
9887 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@VAwife:  +1.  This exactly.

Post # 11
Member
8041 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@givemecouture:  Could you ask him to take you ring shopping and pick out a ring together? And just agree to be engaged then and there?

It sounds like if he was willing to elope that it’s not a commitment thing. It doesn’t sound like he is trying to plan the dream proposal either.

Post # 13
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@givemecouture:  see, guys can be so clueless lol. It’s good that you talked to him and now he understands your feelings. Did you guys set a definite timeline?

Post # 14
Member
901 posts
Busy bee

I’d sit down with him and tell him how you feel about all of this. How you want to be married to him as much as he says he wants to be married to you and you want to make a definitive plan about it. He doesn’t get to decide when everything happens in your relationship, you know. It’s your life, too. But that’s exactly what will happen if you let it!

So, make a timeline to get engaged and to get married and make an appointment to go look at rings and set a budget for a ring.

Also, it is worth mentioning to him how he is presenting your relationship to friends, family and the world when he does this. He is making himself look like an uncommitted jerk who is stringing you along and you’re sick as hell answering questions about his commitment to you. That will like perk his ears up.

Post # 16
Member
34 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Just be honest and open like you’re being here.  There’s nothing demanding about having a little self respect for yourself.  My ex played that game with me when we first got together; let’s elope, i love you, etc. etc. but I had no interest in marrying him so quickly.  We stayed together for a LONG time and her never “properly” asked; I finally left after a long time of playing house.  Well not even a year and a half later from our break up, I’m engaged to a wonderful guy who would lever play with my mind or heart like the ex did.  These are crutial moments in your life and you have to think about how he may handle other important life events in the future.  

I hope I don’t sound harsh, but marrige is a huge commitment and I don’t want anyone to make a mistake like I almost did.  There are other good guys out there if the one you’re with doesn’t see eye to eye with you on big life decissions.  

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