(Closed) Waiting rant… and why is it so EASY for guys?!

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
364 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

So… my Fiance proposed to his high school sweetheart and got turned down. Then he was saving for a ring for his ex when she decided she was moving with or without him. And off she went. It was a year and a half after that, that I met him. And after dating for 2 years I got feed up and proposed to him. And he loved it. His family is ecstatic about the fact that he found a woman who not only loves him but enough to propose. And after all how does the guy know that the woman really wants to marry him when he proposes to her? And let’s be honest here. Guys propose with a shiny incentive. I did no such thing and I know he said yes because he meant it not because I offered him a nice gift. (I know the ladies on the waiting boards are going to say yes because… well you’re waiting for him to get his act together and not because of the ring but the bee isn’t an accurate representation of the rest of the world.)

Post # 4
Member
629 posts
Busy bee

@MrsNewDay:  I have not one, but two similar tales!

First, I used to work with this girl, who had a similar dating track record to me, to the poitn where we both said we were gonna stop dating and focus on getting careers in point. Of course when you say that, you meet the person you want to be with. Within a few weeks of that, we both met men we were crazy about (made the rest of our co-workers sick of listening to us). Not that it’s a competition, but I started dating him first, we moved in first, I assumed we would be engaged first. Lo and behold, last year she and him posted their engagement on Facebook, At first, I was feeling a little jealous, but once I put it in the perspective that I wanted to convert before we were engaged, since I didn’t need that stress along with wedding planning, while she and her Fiance don’t have that obstacle, a lot of other stuff seemed to work out in my head, and I was able to get over it. I ran into her a few months ago, and was honestly geniunely happy for her when I congratulated her.

Second, happened with SO’s cousin announced her engagement. SO comes from a large family, where his whole generation of 18 grandchildren is between the ages of 33 to 17, so all within or close to gneral marrying age, some already married. One of his male cousin’s, who’s Orthodox, got married last year, and he and I were predicting who would be engaged next. I said, based on relationships it would either be us (not many of his cousins are actually in LTRs) or one of his cousins who lives locally and has brought her Boyfriend or Best Friend to all the same family events I’ve been to. Lo and behold, another cousin who lives in another province, announces her engagement to her Boyfriend or Best Friend of 7 months. My ugly green monster made a minor reappearance at that point, but I know she felt a little pressure to get married since her older sister just had her first baby, and her younger brother was the one who got married last fall.

I think for all of us bees in waiting, the “why not me?” complex is bound to come out every once and awhile. I can say I am proud of myself for not letting it come out when my ex’s friend told all of Facebook that hes engaged to his girlfriend of 6 months, but then again, I’ve never seen any follow through from him, so I may have some subconscious doubts. I know my ex (who I’m still pretty good friends with) has some not-so-subconscious ones.

Post # 5
Member
3211 posts
Sugar bee

FH and I had been dating for 4.5 years before we got engaged. In the last year and a half before we got engaged, the green eyed monster would come out each time anyone would get engaged. His little cousin got engaged the month before us. She and her FH had been dating for around two years at that point. Goodness did I go crazy on him. He kept on saying that our time will come. A few weeks later, I heard a commercial on the radio while I was driving to his place about a 20% off semi-annual sale at one of the big jewelry stores the next weekend. I mentioned it to him more jokingly than anything because I thought we weren’t going to get engaged for another six months or so. He said we should go just to check it out, but he ended up purchasing a ring. We were engaged a month later.

Post # 6
Member
44 posts
Newbee

@MrsNewDay:  I know how hard it is to wait, especially if you know a proposal is in the works, and it seems like everyone and their dog is getting engaged.  I’ll share with you my tip for getting past it.  

I always try to think about if I was in that relationship.  If I wanted to get engaged so badly, I’d be in that relationship, and who wants someone elses relationship?  My example is my friend that got married in December, there is no way I’d want to be in that relationship, I wouldn’t want that marriage.  I know it’s silly, but it makes it easier to want to wait for my own proposal and wedding.  Hope that helps, stay strong, in long run a few more months of waiting is nothing compared to the life time you want to spend with your SO.

 

Post # 7
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee

I know how you feel! My Boyfriend or Best Friend and I have been together 5.5 years, and after a so long I think the jealousy is normal. For me it started to feel like, what’s wrong with me? What does that girl have that I don’t? We have a friend that has been married, divorced, and is getting married again all in the time we’ve dated. Most of our other friends have been married for years already and are starting to have kids. Like Gamergirl mentioned, I would NOT want to be in their relationships, but it still hurts to see life moving on without me.

 

I think it also doesn’t help that nobody pesters the guy about it! Like every party/event we show up to these days at least 5 people start asking me why we aren’t engaged yet. Yeah… thanks for reinforcing my paranoia that there’s something wrong with me LOL. Our new friends seriously MAKE FACES Surprised when I tell them how long we’ve been dating, it’s embarrasing. Lately I dread going to big social gatherings because sometimes it leaves me on the verge of tears.

Post # 11
Member
629 posts
Busy bee

@EmmyGirl:  

think it also doesn’t help that nobody pesters the guy about it! Like every party/event we show up to these days at least 5 people start asking me why we aren’t engaged yet. Yeah… thanks for reinforcing my paranoia that there’s something wrong with me LOL. Our new friends seriously MAKE FACES Surprisedwhen I tell them how long we’ve been dating, it’s embarrasing. Lately I dread going to big social gatherings because sometimes it leaves me on the verge of tears.

Actually, I’ve found my SO gets pestered more than I do, atleast by 2 of our close friends. They specifically always pester him, because when they try it on me, I just say “Ask him!” and he’s more fun to get a rise out of.

Post # 12
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee

@pocketfox:  Ha! I tried the “go ask him” line but for some reason it doesn’t work. They just laugh like I’m making a joke but really I mean it 😉

Post # 14
Member
314 posts
Helper bee

@EmmyGirl @HelloKitty615 @GamerGirl:  I used to get SUPER jealous when people got engaged. But when I first got engaged, I didn’t feel like it was “magical.” He hd a mom who hated me, his friends weren’t really into religion or weddings so we didn’t have many people to invite, I was broke and on the verge of being homeless, etc.

I think every situation is very, very unique. It takes some getting to know that person, going through some things with them, or even some love they have never experienced before to happen before a man will decide who he wants to marry.

Now that im older (i’m 27) I’ve truly learned to be patient. I still get really excited at the thoughts of being married. But im cherishing the days where I can still quietly watch a movie with my SO without kids running around or, we can go on dates without having to find a babysitter. Or even days when I want to soak in the tub or just cook dinner for me and know no one else will be upset with that. lol

Our times will come! 🙂

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