Waiting rant… Do I deserve more?

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
318 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I m sorry Bee it doesn’t sound like you re on the same page at all, I think you need to sit him down and tell him how hurt you feel and if it doesn’t at least give a committed answer to getting married one day I think you should break it off.

Post # 3
182 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

Do you co-own the house? You need to bail. He is not serious about you, marriage, or his finances.

Post # 4
498 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

do not combine any more finances with this guy. there’s not a chance I’d get involved in sharing debt with someone I wasn’t married to (including a mortgage but it’s a bit late for that now) 

Post # 5
1560 posts
Bumble bee

Why would you co sign a loan for a truck for him. Is it for his job? So many things wrong here. He is coming up with every excuse not to get married. Reason being he does not want to get married. If this is what you want you need to move on from this relationship. 

Post # 6
10685 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

cafelei :  

Tell me you did *not* agree to cosign for that truck.

A *promise* ring?  What is this?  Junior high?  That’s just plain insulting.  He’s ‘too fat’ to get married–there’s yet another new one we can add to the collection of dumb ass excuses men feed their women to shut them up.  There is no weight requirement.

A guy who can blow $65K on a new truck can afford a ring.  He just chooses not to.  It’s not important to him.  He knows how important it is to you and he doesn’t care.

Why oh why are women constantly buying houses with faithless men?  It’s not as simple as splitting the value down the middle.  There are matters of contribution, sweat equity all kinds of complicating variables.  Please see a real estate attorney.

Post # 7
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I was in a similar situation and I stopped waiting for the man to grow up and moved on. Since then, he actually found someone and got engaged within a year. I don’t regret it though. Whatever was holding him back was holding him back no matter how much I wanted otherwise. Somethings are just not meant to be and men aren’t as emotionally articulate so they often deal with it by dragging their feet. I didn’t want to waste more time waiting though

Post # 8
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I agree with PP that you guys are not on the same page. The very least I would do is tell him there is no way you would feel comfortable co-signing a loan for his truck without being married first. Otherwise I’d honestly start packing.

Post # 9
1053 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

15 months isn’t that long in the grand scheme of things, but owning a house together changes things. You guys are definitely not on the same page. I wouldn’t cosign for that truck unless you felt confident that you were getting on the same page about life.

Post # 10
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I think what you are getting is a whole lot of excuses and no concrete actions.

Someone who is serious about marrying you would not be stalling like this – money or not. Wanting to buy a $65 000 truck when (supposedly) the only barrier to marrying you is wanting to be more stable financially is not someone who wants to marry you.

Someone who wants to hide the fact that he is married / you are his wife is not someone who is serious about making a life with you. 

I’m sorry bee, I think it is time to re-assess if you would be happy if things were to stay the same way forever. I am willing to bet that your answer is no, and it’s time to move on and find someone who wants the same things as you. 

Post # 11
1273 posts
Bumble bee

This guy is full of it. He may think he loves you, but he is not willing to show it. He is also trying to get everything he can out of this relationship without giving anything substantial. Draw the line, do not pay for anything that is not your own, do not co-sign on a truck ($65K? Ridiculous). Tell him to get over himself and think of somebody besides himself, to try putting you first for a change.

Post # 12
1798 posts
Buzzing bee

you bought a house with a guy you only knew a year?! this is going to get messy, you need to talk to a lawyer- one of you needs to buy the other out or you need to sell and split the money.

Post # 13
5916 posts
Bee Keeper

Honey, I don’t think his family knows about you frown I think he likes living with you and I think he likes having a partner to help finance things, but I lost count of the endless increasingly lame bullshit excuses he’s given you for not getting engaged. 

A promise ring is cute if you’re young & in school. A promise ring when you’re a grown woman already living with him is an insulting shut-you-up ring. 

I wouldn’t co-sign a loan for a $65 000 truck even with a ring (the exception being if we were married &/ or had a firm wedding date in progress and he needed it for business) 

Post # 14
6806 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

IF you get married he doesn’t even want to tell anybody about it?!?! You’re kidding right?

Bee, I’d ditch this guy. I doubt his family even knows you exist honestly. 

Post # 15
219 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

The fact that he wants to get married but not tell anyone is a big red flag. Add it to the other lame excuses he’s feeding you and this whole situation sounds like a disaster. How are you supposed to hide being married? Does he seriously plan on only referring to you as his wife only in private but then introduce you as his girlfriend when you’re out in public?! You deserve more and you deserve better. You’ve already said that getting married is important to you. But it doesn’t sound like you’re going to get it with this guy. 

It’s not fair for you to spend the rest of your life waiting for something that may never happen. Consult a lawyer about selling the house and start packing your bags. Best of luck to you, bee!

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