(Closed) Waiting so long beginning to second guess a wedding.

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1088 posts
Bumble bee

I haven’t really gone through the same thing in terms of dread and fear, but I have gotten away from engagement insanity.  Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoy looking at wedding related things and love all things wedding, but I’m no longer feeling the overwhelming desire to be engaged NOW.

Last year around this time, I had a far greater urge to be engaged.   I love SO deeply and want to marry him, but for now, I’m enjoying the relationship we have. 

A few months ago, we talked about engagement, and we agreed that we will get engaged and married when the time comes.  I’m trusting him to know when that time is and openly told him that.  Right now, we love what we have and a proposal will not change how we feel about eachother. 

Two of my good friends got engaged within the past month, and I am genuinely excited for them.  I’m really excited to support them in their planning process and help in whatever way they need me.  I literally jumped for joy when each of them shared the news with me! 

The idea of SO and I getting engaged didn’t even enter my mind when I heard the news of my friends’ engagements.  I’ve never been the jealous type, but I’m beginning to think that everything happens for a reason.  Maybe I’m in this peaceful waiting stage because for now I’m supposed to be supportive of my friends and enjoy the relationship I have.  That’s the best I can come up with for now.  πŸ™‚

What is meant to be will be.  πŸ™‚ 

The important thing is to be sure your SO is on the same page.  You wouldn’t want him to think that your feelings about a wedding/marriage are a reflection of how you feel about him. 

Post # 5
Member
1131 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I haven’t had the same feelings of dread either. But wheneve I am less than totally stoked about getting engaged RIGHT NOW, I just enjoy it and know it will come back πŸ™‚

Post # 6
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I’ve been in the same funk lately.  I’ve gone from getting impatient about a proposal to actually feeling relieved that I have some time between now and engagement to get myself established. 

Sometimes I have the same fears as you do…we are so happy now, I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world if it would mean being unhappy like many of the married couples around us.

I hope it get over this soon…I love him and can’t picture life without him…but I don’t want any disillusionments about marriage to change what we have πŸ™

Post # 7
Member
357 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I went in and out of these stages often, and I often wondered if I would even be super excited when he proposed or if I was over it. I would go through times when I would say, “let’s just not get married, ever”. I even had times where resentment built up so much from lack of proposal that I worried it wouldn’t go away. After I got engaged I was so excited, no resentment, and I was sure i wanted to get married. 

Post # 8
Member
1088 posts
Bumble bee

@sleepingbeauty88: Being afraid of change is normal.  With all that you’ve got going on, I can see how the tought of engagement/marriage would be stressful!  I can relate to that!  I’m hoping to get into grad school near SO, but I won’t know if I’ve been accepted until Spring.  Because I have no idea where I will be in 6 months, I’m finding it hard to even lock myself into a gym membership!

I don’t want to be engaged until I know for sure what my next step is going to be.  Luckily, my SO agrees with this.

It seems like your relationship is one of the few areas of your life that is really solid right now.  Maybe it would be best if you focus on your relationship and really enjoy what you have with your SO.  This way you can feel good about having one area of your life REALLY solid.  It sounds like maybe your relationship is the one thing in your life that hasn’t changed recently and you want to keep it that way at least until everything else has settled?

If that’s the case, I can REALLY relate!

I told SO a few months ago that I don’t feel the need to be engaged right now.  The way I feel about him and us is the same regardless of our engagment status.  That may change at a later date, but for now it doesn’t matter.  I just feel like once you are engaged, everyone asks about the wedding date.  Once you get married, people ask about kids.  As I said, I don’t know where I’ll be 6 months from now, and the thought of dealing with all of that is just too much right now!

Right now, it’s kind of nice to not have to worry about the next step in our relationship. . .and the next, and the next, and the next!  We’ve agreed to enjoy what we do have right now and are focusing on bettering our relationship. For now, that more than I can ask for.  πŸ™‚

 

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