- 5 years ago
I am 28. My SO is 30. We have been together for 6+ years. I am done with school, he is finishing up. We have lived together for 5+ years. We have a very stable, loving, happy, and fun relationship. Never any real drama. Even from the very beginning he had said he wanted to be together for 5 years before he felt comfortbale to propose/be married. I believed him, I did not pressure him. Mind you, I spoke to my girlfriends about wanting to marry him from the 2 year mark probably. Throughout the relationship we always talked about the future, kids, marriage, etc. Well, our 5 year anniversary came and went at a very romantic B&B and I was suprised it did not happen (he did not propose). We talk about how much we love each other and how much we want a life together, kids, future home owernship, moving, etc. I know he loves me and wants to marry me- one day…I would have to say 2013 was a rough year, it was essentially the time between the 5 and 6 yr relationship mark where I just kept thinking it was going to happen. We really are just so happy and he is so sweet and romantic and thoughtful and loving and I know he wants to marry me, but he is just scared. I say this because especially over this past year we have had a lot of talks about why he isn’t ready yet and he just says he isn’t emotionally ready for that commitment yet. In his mind he says proposing is promising forever love, family, kids, and commitment and once he promises me forever he is promising me all of those things and that he wants those things with me, he is just not ready to declare it. I think it has to do with his parents having a rought divorce when he was young and I think it has to do with him still being in school (finishing up his graduate degree). But when we walk about it, he mentions these things, but overall says he just “isn’t ready”. I would never want to pressure him. It just hurts. It hurts to know we love each other so much and even though I know he wants these things with me one day, it just hurts because today isnt that day. I have read a lot of posts on here with people saying to be patient and don’t pressure him, etc etc. I agree. I also think it is hard. But the point of my post is just to reach out to other girls who have been in long term relationships and who have been waiting for like 2+ years for their partners to be “ready” like they are. I rationally know it does not dminish his love for me, but it hurts me like it does. It hurts me to know that I have been in a “place” where he talks about being with me one day, but he can’t get there yet. My family really loves him, but they are beginning to worry he may be a guy who will never be able to commit because of fear of being hurt and making that leap. I am trying my hardest not to talk about anything marriage/proposal related for the next few months, he will be done with school then and school has been EXTREMELY stressful for him lately and maybe with with pressure of school being off, he will be more confident about his feelings.
Our last talk about a month ago was really promising, he says he has gone and looked at rings and thought about where and when he will do it. He said at like the 1 yr mark he thought he could marry me and at the 3 yr mark he really, really was considering it and that he is just to stressed in school and with his feelings that once he proposes it is signing up for everything at all once (forever, kids, adult hood, etc). He doesn’t say it this matter of factly. But he says he wants all these things with me, he “just isn’t ready yet”.
Feel free to comment if you have been waiting for a while and have a partner who is great, but maybe his only downfall is that he is scared of the word forever, etc. Reading comments from other girls who are waiting like me really helps to ease my spirit.