(Closed) Waiting til birth to know Gender – worth it?

posted 3 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 2
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

My brother’s wife did not want to know and I was dying to know if I would have a niece or nephew. But I never pushed them. Entirely their decision. Just wondering why you want to wait and how can you stand the suspense?

Post # 3
7642 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

giaf1 :  I’m from a generation where it was more or less 50/50 on whether people found out. We didn’t find out until birth, were very happy with that decision, and would do it the same way again. Hearing “it’s a boy” or “it’s a girl” is wonderful!, but I don’t have the opposite experience to compare it to.

Especially with a second child, there’s not a lot to prepare. Babies #2 and #3 were always going to inherit the larger items from the first child anyway (crib, pram, car baby capsule, high chair, etc) and clothes are easy to buy. (I was never one to paint and decorate the room blue/pink before the birth). As for MIL’s comment about baby showers: baby showers aren’t necessary, especially for 2nd babies.

Hold firm. It is your decision, not theirs.

Post # 4
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I’m following this thread as my husband and I have both agreed to wait to find out the gender. I’m only 10 weeks and haven’t told family yet so haven’t received any pressure from them. When I was at my 8 week appointment the nurse practitioner mentioned how the delivery rooms she’s in where the sex isn’t know are quite exciting ones – adds an extra bit of something special. I do think it’s one of life’s greatest surprises (and probably one of the very few left in life) but I also completely understand those that want to plan ahead. I think there are plenty of great neutral items and necessities that one can buy for a shower too. Don’t let your family sway or let you question your decision- it’s your husbands and yours alone. And you’re not crazy! 

Post # 6
1151 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

We didn’t find out, and I am currently feeding my one month old son! I am very type A and sort of wanted to know, but my husband convinced me to let it be a surprise.  It was so fun not knowing and I will never forget the moment the doctor pulled him out and announced “it’s a boy!”  The preparation was a non issue.  We got some gender neutral clothes in advance and then bought boy stuff on Amazon when he was born, and got tons of clothes as gifts.  We got our nursery furniture in grey and white and then decorated it in a nautical theme once he was born.  We didn’t have a shower but the vast majority of gifts anyone could get you are gender neutral anyway.  I would probably want to know the gender if we have a second kid, but I loved the surprise and am so glad we waited.  And yes people made me feel crazy too but a lot of people also admitted that they wish they could have waited to find out with their kids, but didn’t have the patience.

ETA: and the suspense totally helped me get through the end of pregnancy.  I was DYING to find out!

Post # 8
950 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I once heard someone say that they chose to wait to find out their baby’s gender because there are only so many true surprises in life, and that’s one of them. I am not yet pregnant but I am pretty solid on not knowing ahead of time, and I am comfortable telling people that’s the reason!

Post # 9
3875 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

giaf1 :  A friend of ours opted not to find out the gender of their child. They weren’t entirely truthful with their friends and family, though, and told most people that the baby was being uncooperative when they went in for the gender scan. They already knew they were going to get a lot of pushback and snark about not wanting to find out, so instead of having to deal with the comments, they chose to tell a little white lie. Everyone was frustrated, but at least it wasn’t directed at them.

Personally, I am on the fence about this. A big part of me almost can’t stand the thought of not knowing, but another part of me really wants to go for as long as possible. I tend to hate surprises and I usually ruin things for myself just for the satisfaction of knowing, so I would love to have an actual, genuine surprise. However, with things like gender disappointment, I also see merit in knowing and giving yourself time to come to terms if you are disappointed (I don’t think I will be, but you never know). 

I will say that I don’t think anyone has ever regretted not finding out the gender. How can you? You still get a baby shower, you still go home with a baby, and the added excitement seems so much more fun. Plus, there’s that added incentive during labor. As for worrying about it being ruined, I would just make sure you are upfront before each appointment with your UT and letting them know you don’t want to know. 

Post # 10
292 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

giaf1 :  I am not pregnant yet, Darling Husband an I want to do this too. My parents didn’t do it for myself or my brother. My Mom has always told me how great a decision it was to be surprised, so much of pregnancy and birth is planned that it’s fun to still have some surprise at the end. She said she didn’t receive any backlash for it and at her showers she just got gender neutral items.

I am just worried we won’t be able to hold out. Darling Husband and I are terrible with surprises and secrets!


Post # 11
9544 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

We didn’t find out and I wouldn’t change a thing. We got more practical and gender neutral gifts, which I really prefer. I would have wanted a gender neutral nursery, even if we knew. And it was pretty cool to get to hear my husband tell me that we had a son! And really fun to share with people after the birth.

Post # 13
1206 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I’m 24 weeks and not finding out. Typically you won’t have any or many ultrasounds after the autonomy scan unless there’s a reason so it should be a problem. I told the tech we didn’t want to know and they were fine. I’ve also been getting ultrasounds every two weeks to watch for a possible complication and have not had an issue with the tech slipping up. I just make sure they know we’re not finding out and they’ve said to look away at certain points just in case. 

I’m normally type A but I’m really excited about not finding out and feel like it will be amazing after doing all the work through labor. It’s fine for planning because I wanted the nursery to be neutral anyway…NO pink or blue. It’ll be a room that can grow with baby. 

Our friends and family are super supportive of the decision. Everyone thinks it’s really cool that we’re not finding out. 

Post # 15
7642 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

giaf1 :  A good friend told me that God had told her that she was having a boy…  and she had a girl. She was so sure, she didn’t have girl a name picked out! (Though the name she did choose is lovely).

Though not at the same level as a “sign”: in two of my pregnancies I had a strong feeling of what I was having, and had the opposite both times.

I think in almost all cases, no one knows for sure. I believe it’s possible for God to tell people, but I also think that’s very rare!

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