Post # 1
So… I clearly have babies on the brain! My husband and I have been talking about when we want to start TTC, we’re getting ready for a vacation in 6 weeks and he said he would be ok starting anytime after we get back from that. I’ve always wanted to be a Stay-At-Home Mom, and when I look at our finances there is just no way we could live on his income alone. I know there is never a perfect time to have a child, but I just don’t know that I can give up being a Stay-At-Home Mom. Is it silly for me to postpone TTC for awhile in the hopes that he moves up in his career to where me staying at home is more of a possibility? He’s been with his employer less than a year and has already been promoted once, but he would need to make close to double in order for this to happen. I’m confused 🙁
Post # 3
You know hun, it’s all about perspective. There are no ifs ands or buts about me being a Stay-At-Home Mom when the time comes, it’s just the way we want to raise our kids. And we will be doing it on my soon to be husbands mere 45K/year salary if things turn out the way we want and we get pregnant fairly soon after the wedding. One of my sisters is a Stay-At-Home Mom on a similar income, and so is my oldest sister but her husband makes much more. One of my bridesmaids is a Stay-At-Home Mom and her husband (FI’s brother) doesn’t even make 40K/year. They are all managing just fine. It’s all about sacrifice, and being prepared to live in a way that benefits baby, instead of say going out to eat 2x a week. Priorities!
It’s like, I’m sure further into his career, my Fiance will be making the big bucks, but am I going to wait around 10 years to TTC for that? No way. Family’s too important to us to wait around for a raise. In the meantime, we’re saving almost all of my current income so we have some cushion. It’s all in the way you look at it 🙂 Good luck!
Post # 4
you and your husband need to sit down and talk about your priorities and expectations. there are a lot of factors in play — how old are you? do you expect to have fertility issues? how many years do you think it will take for his salary to double? how much of your salary can you start putting in savings right now?
maybe you could keep working for this baby, and in a few years when/if you have a second child he would be making enough for you to stay at home then. no matter what you choose, you can make it work. it just takes a lot of discussion so you’re on the same page and then a lot of budgeting.
Post # 5
I don’t think it’s silly to postpone having children at all. 🙂 Have you talked to your husband about your concerns about being able to stay at home based on his current salary? Maybe you two can look at his career path and decide that a few years might make a huge difference in pay, or at least you could come up with a budget that would allow you save money toward the goal of staying home with your children once you have them. If staying at home is a goal for you, it seems smart to me to wait on children and work toward that goal, rather than rushing it now and regretting not being able to stay home later on.
Post # 6
@kitzy -We’ve been talking A LOT about it lately 🙂 I’m almost 29 and he just turned 31. We have no reason to expect we’ll have issues getting preggers, but you never know until you try right! As far as how long before it doubles, I just don’t know. I doubt it will happen within a year, but you just never know. I guess when I said it would have to double, that would be to live the lifestyle we have now. Which I’m willing to cut back on considerable in order to be a Stay-At-Home Mom. But even with cutting back all extra’s and even some of the basics to the bare min. we would still be in the red each month without my help.
He brought up the same thing about maybe I can’t stay at home with our first child, but then by the time we have baby #2 he would be in a position that could support the home on his salary alone. It’s just the thought of me putting a baby in daycare is so hard for me to think of and I’m not even pregnant yet!
Post # 7
Maybe you could work part-time? Or do a little work from home to bring in a bit more money?
Post # 8
@Tisty1982:if your main worry is daycare (which is totally understandable), do you have an extra bedroom for a live-in nanny? or any family nearby who would be able to watch the baby? my grandmother retired when i was born, so i went to daycare at her house.
Post # 9
If I were you I would decide to wait at least 1 year to see how you feel then. In the meantime I would try to cut back and live just on his salary, while banking your entire salary. That way you’ll learn whether or not it is really possible to live on his alone, and you’ll also build up your savings which will make having a baby a lot easier.
Post # 10
I totally respect you for wanting to stay home; I want to start out by saying that because I think too many women get criticized for wanting to do so.
That said, is there any way you could work part time? When I worked retail, I worked with several moms who only worked at set times and had a friend watch the baby when they did so. One of the ladies I worked with worked every Saturday and Sunday morning from six-noon and her husband watched the baby. I know this isn’t ideal as it cuts into your family time, but if you’re adamant that you want to stay home and the finances aren’t working out, this might be a possibility.
Post # 11
Do a little budgeting now to see what level of income he needs to be at for you to stay home. Also figure out how much child care would cost and how much you’d really be bringing home. Is it possible to cut back now in order to save more, so if/when you stayed home, you’d have more of a cushion?
Post # 12
You have a lot of more affordable options than daycare. Au pairs are quite affordable-like $170/week for care. They live with you. In-home daycare may be, too. Around here, it is about $30/day. I imagine Illinois has the same average cost for care.
But if you can’t have your cake and eat it, too (aka stay home), then something has to give. Either you’ll have to work to supplement the family income or you’ll have to wait until your husband has the income to support everybody. If you really want to stay home, waiting a few years may be the best choice.
Post # 13
Try living off of just his income from now until your vacation and see if you can do it. In the meanwhile, save that extra $ for baby expenses! An au pair is a possibility, they are way cheaper than daycare, the only downside is they have to live with you. I guess it also wouldn’t hurt to wait 1 year and see where Darling Husband gets with his new career, usually it takes time to do something like double your salary. I did it, but it took me about 5 years and wasn’t the smoothest road. Most companies will do anything they can to not give you any more $, but give you a nicer title or better office.
Post # 14
I’d say since you’re not TTC yet, wait a year and spend that time either looking for employment that would allow you flexiblity (working part-time/contract work) or creating a home-based business.
Have you considered getting licensed/insured so you can watch other’s children? Many people prefer private home-based care for their children so you would be able to raise your child while still earning some money. It would be hard to start anything while looking after a newborn so perhaps the waiting wouldn’t seem as long if you were focused on how you can earn from home.
Post # 15
Thank you for all the advice! We’ve already looked at the budget and we have to have some of my income in order to make ends meet. We’ve cut our budget considerably already as we are putting everything extra we can come up with to pay off his student loans. (Which will be done by the vacation!!) After that everything will go into a savings for an emergency. There is no way we could have any type of nanny/au pair we just don’t have that kind of money coming into the house.
I have thought about extra jobs that I could do, that is something I would be COMPLETELY willing to do in order to be a Stay-At-Home Mom. The in-home daycare was one that I’ve given serious thought to. I was previously a nanny so I have a lot of experience with children and I think that could be real option.
I think I know the right answer is to wait for a bit, but I’ve been ready to have kids for so long thinking of even waiting another year is really hard to do. Ugh!
Post # 16
Being a Stay-At-Home Mom means alot of sacrifices. I am currently a Stay-At-Home Mom and my FH works. We get by fine but it does mean that we cant afford alot of the things we used too. No going out for dinner every week, or the movies, or spending money on clothes etc. But they are all sacrifices I am happy to make because I get to see our amazing little boy everyday.
There is never a ‘right time’ to have a baby! You might be able to plan when you TTC but anything from that moment is out of your hands! FH and I looked more at the right time for us in our relationship and lives rather than the right time financially.