Post # 1
I’m trying to wait until I’m engaged before having sex (I’m a 22 year old virgin) and it’s driving me CRAZY. I’ve told my boyfriend that I wanted to wait until engagement before having sex and he’s completely respectful of my decision, but it’s no-where near as easy as I thought it was going to be. I thought that maybe these feelings would pass but if anything they’re getting worse! We’re both so ready for sex that its making things awkward – we can’t even kiss properly anymore because we’re having serious problems with self-control.
I’m starting to wonder if waiting until engagement before having sex is a good idea. I’m worried that if I consummate the relationship then I’ll be going against what I feel is right and I think I’ll have to wait longer before he proposes, but at the same time I really think that consummating the relationship would be beneficial for improving our initimacy and growing a stronger bond. What should I do? Should I talk to him about how I’m feeling, or do you think he’ll think I’m weaking on my values/morals?
Post # 3
You have waited this long, so I wouldn’t give up on your morals if it means that much to you. I would wait for the proposal or marriage… if he is feeling the same way, the engagement must be coming soon.
Post # 4
@victoria1990: Just curious, how long have you two been together? You said you would hate for him to delay the engagement because you had sex (theoretically), but would it bother you if he proposed earlier to have sex? I really respect your resolve and your decision to wait. I just think that the desire to have sex may cause you two to get engaged earlier than you would have otherwise. Not saying you are, I just wanted to add some food for thought.
Post # 5
The temporary moment of pleasure and intimacy, may not be worth it in the aftermath if its something you have been seriously upholding. While I waited for intercourse til my marriage, I did do some fooling around which I deeply regretted. It feels great for a moment, but the feeling afterward is horrible.
Everyone has different reasons for why they choose to wait til when. For some people its not a big deal, and that is fine! It is what you make it!
Post # 6
I feel like there is so much room with this kind of thing for either marriage, or in your case engagement, to come as a result of wanting to have sex – not a mutual decision that you want to spend your lives together, through the good and the bad, and are ready to take the relationship to that level of deep, deep commitment. I understand why waiting to have sex with the right person is important – that’s what I did. I knew I wanted it to happen with someone I was in love with who loved me back. My Fiance and I had sex for the first time 2 years into our relationship – we got engaged 2 years after that. Sex enhanced our relationship, and I am SO so glad we got engaged after sex was not a piece of the puzzle.
I echo asscherlover’s sentiments: make sure you don’t get engaged earlier just to have sex. That’s not a good reason to get engaged.
ETA: I want to make sure you don’t think I’m trivializing your desire to wait to have sex. I get that it’s an important thing for some people, and I’d never tell you not to if that’s something you have strong convictions about. So if you know that’s important, you need to sit down with your bf and have an open, honest discussion about marriage and figure out where the question of sex lies when it comes to making the decision to get married to one another.
Post # 7
@asscherlover: We’ve been together one year and a half next month (April) and knew each other before that (although not well). Yes, it would bother me if he proposed early to have sex, but I don’t think he’s like that.
But we’re very ready to get engaged, I feel. Like, we’re currently looking at buying property together. We even went to our first house auction this week (although we were out bidded)!
Post # 8
- Wedding: June 2017 - Vegas Wedings
Talk to him. There is no way he’ll think you are weak or about to do someththing you think is wrong as long as you DONT it. Telling him how hard it is actually shows how strong you areand how much you want to wait. Good luck!!!
Post # 9
@victoria1990: Ok I just wanted to check. Obviously I only know what you’ve said aout your relationship, I just don’t want you to rush into things.
Post # 10
@asscherlover: I’m a really ambitious person (and slightly impatient!) in all areas of my life, so I guess I might have the inclination to rush things…but I don’t want to do that! I guess I’m just in a hurry for the ring! =)
Post # 11
Most of the fun is the anticipation before you have been intimate with someone. It makes you want it more when you can’t have it. IMO, to me, it seems if you waited so long due to morals, why not wait until marriage???
This of course is coming from someone who did not wait for marriage. I do not have regrets, where as I waited for love, and I do not judge you for waiting until engagement.
I admire those who wait, and find it very sweet to have waited until the honeymoon.
Post # 12
I think that it’s really important to respect your own values, but sometimes things happen that make us rethink them. If it’s really driving you up the wall, maybe it’s time to carefully, logically, and cerebrally reconsider your belief (I put in all those qualifiers because I went through something similar and I know how insanely hard it can be to think straight when you’re so in love and lust!). But if it’s a conviction you’ve had for most of your life, then if you’re much like me you’d almost certainly regret breaking it afterwards.
I waited until I found someone I really love, and until I was absolutely sure he loved me, and it took me a while to convince myself that it was the right time to lose my virginity, even though we were both going utterly bonkers. In the end, we did it when it was the right time for us, and I didn’t regret waiting a couple months longer than I thought I could!
Do talk to him– tell him how you’re feeling, and what you’re worried about–communication is the BEST for having a happy relationship! Since he wouldn’t propose to get to sex more quickly, then he almost certainly will not think less of you if you express your feelings.
Basically I think that you should probably stick to your beliefs unless, after carefully thinking it over, you decide you’ve changed your mind– or unless you end up moving in together, in your new house, before you are engaged!
ETA: Sex with your life partner is one of the most important things to NOT have regrets about, especially the first time, which is one of those things you never forget. Sooo. . . go with what makes you feel best.
Post # 13
I agree with @frenchie427:
But…. personally I waited until I knew he was with the right person. We’ve been together for over four years now. If I had waited until we got engaged I’d still be waiting!
Post # 14
- Wedding: September 2014 - Garden outside our church
No advice here, just my own experience (which is kind of conflicting)–I wanted to wait until marriage, but my Boyfriend or Best Friend convinced me we should go ahead at engagement, as that was in itself a committment. For some reason I went ahead with his thoughts (this guy was pretty good at being conniving/manipulative–and he was 6 months away from being a priest when I “stole” him, so I thought he had some kind of moral authority–yeah, I was young and naive). Well, thank goodness, we did not make it to marriage. But I seriously regret that he stole my virginity and that I shared something so intimate with someone so undeserving and obviously distant to me now. Of course, if I had waited until marriage, I would be a joke of a virgin now. In honesty, I wish I had had sex with the college Boyfriend or Best Friend, who is still my friend, and was and is a wonderful person–so much so that he respected my convictions, but at least we really loved each other (even if we were too young to get married).
Basically, you have to know you’re ready in your mind and heart and relationship (not just your body)…it’s something you can’t undo