(Closed) Waiting to have sex = biggest mistake of my life? TMI?

posted 7 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 47
Member
3941 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I certainly feel that you should wait if you want, and no one should pressure you in one direction or the other.

However, I think that sexual compatability is very important.  And you can’t tell that from “everything else”. 

Post # 48
Member
907 posts
Busy bee

@Haruyou:  I’m surprised no one has brought this up….to you yet…

But just so you know sex is horrible in the beginning…for those of you that say Not me!  Well you must be the exception or your boyfriend had a lot of experience when yall first had sex, but every woman I know….when they first had sex said it was terrible…

It will get better though…I promise…

At first is so bad because you don’t know what works for you two, what feels best, what positions are best for your body, but then as you do it more and more it will be amazing and get better and better with each time…

As far as the sexual chemistry being important…I agree and I disagree….I dated a guy and we did it once and it was so horrible…we just didn’t flow together and it actually made me not want to ever talk to him again lol…it was THAT BAD.  

Then I also had a guy that we dated for awhile and it was bad at first but then got amazing, so it just takes time…

I do believe some people just may not have good sexual chemistry but I also believe if you both are willing to try to make it better and do your research there is NO way you can’t make it as an amazing experience as you want it to be ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 49
Member
866 posts
Busy bee

I am curious why you are on the pill if you aren’t having sex?

Post # 50
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

View original reply
@BrideToBe14:  I dunno, I don’t think it’s that common for sex to be terrible at first. It wasn’t for me and all my friends that I talk to about this sort of thing say it was pretty great from the beginning.The first time I had sex with my Fiance (only my 2nd partner, so still pretty inexperienced) was awesome. We clicked right away. I understand that a lot of women don’t enjoy it or experience pain at first, but I don’t think it’s fair to make a blanket statement that “sex is horrible in the beginning.” Not in every instance, by any means.

 

Plus OP and her Fiance mess around, so to speak. They probably know eachother’s bodies enough that it’s safe to say they’re compatible sexually and will have an amazing wedding night. ๐Ÿ˜‰

 

Post # 51
Member
4655 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Haruyou:  I’ve been using hormonal bc l for the last 8 years of my life (the pill for about 5 of those, the patch before that) and never had so much as a scare. If the oops fear is the only reason you’re waiting, please feel free to stop waiting if you want to! But at the same time, no reason to do something you don’t want to do, so your cousin’s opinion doesn’t matter. 

Post # 52
Member
985 posts
Busy bee

@Haruyou:  its not a mistake. do what works best for you and dont let anyone persuade you otherwise. bcus if you get pregnant its in your tummy none of ours !

with that said…I will be completely honest here. Im a junior in college. my SO and I have solely used the pull out method over the last 2.5 years ~90% of the time and we have never gotten pregnant. But he has excellent timing and we are lucky. (its not something I advocate, not smart, but works for us) We use condoms the other 10% and we only do that when one of us is feeling paranoid or we havent had sex in a while (to avoid him not pulling out in time) I recently got on the pill about 6 months ago but I dont use it properly (forget doses, take it at different times) so i dont depend on that. 

so if you are worried about getting preggo and are using the pill AND a condom, properly then you probably have like a 1% or less chance of getting pregnant

But like PP said, the only full proof way is to not have sex although condoms and BC are pretty effective if used PROPERLY

and then you have ppl like me who just pull and waits for my period…BUT it always comes ๐Ÿ™‚

its your body, your life. I think sex is great and I dont regret being active but I dont think I would have regretted it if I waited either. 

 

 

 

Post # 53
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Haruyou:  We waited to have sex and I’m glad we did. No regrets whatsoever ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 54
Member
1146 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Haruyou:  Knowing for SURE that I was 100% sexually compatible with my husband was too important. I would absolutely NEVER marry someone without having sex regularly and successfully with them first.

I say this as someone who had a prior engagement fail largely due to lack of sexual compatibility. There were other problems, but not being able to share a healthy sexual life together really made everything harder. The sexual problems I had with this person I did not even know could exist until I experienced them with him. We tried to work through it, but ultimately couldnt. It was deep rooted and would not have come out no matter how much we fooled around, spent time together outside of sex, etc. It also would have been a million times worse if I had to go through all of that (and ultimately the failure of the relationship) after getting married — it was hard enough after making some major changes in my life to pursue the relationship.

If avoiding an oops pregnancy is truly the only reason, I agree that that is silly. If you use condoms propoerly, are on the pill (and use it propoerly), and toss in figuring out when your fertile window is and avoiding sex for a couple days on either end of that — the chances of you getting pregnant are next to none. I definitely would not trade knowing beyond a doubt whether I am sexually compatible with someone just to eliminate the remaining miniscule chance of getting pregnant despite all those precautions. I dont buy it.

That is my perspective — I agree with PP that this is a personal decision and only you can know what is right for you.

Post # 55
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Haruyou

it sounds like youve checked under the hood enough ๐Ÿ˜‰ i would be worried if you hadnt see … him before but sounds like you know waht youll be driving hehe. do what you both want. your cuzin is being weird. but i would also suggest getting off the pill if you are not going to have sex. it just doesnt make sense. your taking all that for no reason. birth control isnt like a vitiman… unless you are trying to control your period. then that would make sense.

Post # 56
Member
2532 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Haruyou:  I think your cousin is talking a load of silly. Now I personally waited until I was married and I do not regret it in the slightest. Ok, so I am not saying “yes, you must wait” but suppose you didn’t have a boyfriend/fiancé? You would probably still be “waiting” anyway. I think you need to do it when you think is right for the both of you and if waiting is that then that’s what you do. 

Post # 57
Member
1377 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Just because she’s waiting until after college doesn’t mean she’s waiting until marriage. So I don’t know why people are talking about how they would never marry a man they hadn’t slept with.

Besides, what relationship-ending things could someone learn from penetration that they didn’t already know from mutual masturbation, blowjobs and other fun non-penetration activites?

Post # 58
Member
507 posts
Busy bee

After I met my Fiance and started a serious relationship I really regretted having sex before him (and I was sort of conservative about that – number is low). Still, it really bothers me for a reason I cannot figure out. I think you should feel fine waiting. I actually do regret it a bit.

Post # 59
Member
154 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

It’s a personal choice and nobody should tell you what to do. But I’m 26 and still unmarried and could NOT imagine being sexually inactive at this point in my life. I’m really happy about all the experiences I’ve had, particularly with SO. Honestly, it´s not rocket science to avoid getting knocked up. It’s a waste of energy to worry about it if you’re on the pill and responsible.

Post # 60
Member
3256 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Haruyou:  The risk one takes with this is not knowing for sure that you are wholly sexual compatible.  So, be honest and open with each other about your desires, fantasies, etc.  Be honest and open about which ones make the other partner uneasy/uncomfortable/just plain freaked out, and have frank discussions about how sexually open and adventurous you are, and what you will be (or believe you will be) open to trying for your partner, or doing once in a while (even if you don’t like it) because they like them, and you want to make them happy, and which things you’re quite certain will be on the “no” list.

It doesn’t sound like sex is a taboo topic between you two, and you do some sexual stuff, so you’re probably already on top of that.  As PP’s said, only you can decide what’s the right decision for you.

Post # 61
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee

View original reply
@WillowTreeWade:  I’m not sure about this Bee, but I was on the pill for ~3 years before I lost my virginity. I went on in to help with my periods and acne. I had planned on waiting for sex until marriage when I first went on it. 

 

Like other Bee’s have said, what ever is right for the two of you is the best option. Your cousin as no say in when and if you guys have sex! (especially when its for reasons like being responsible in avoiding an untimely pregnancy!!) I was a virgin until my Fiance, and spent quite a while (few years maybe?) having to ignore my friends who all just wanted me to do it, just to do it. I’m super glad I waited till I was sure he was the one!

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