Post # 1
I need advice. My SO and I have a very happy relationship. We have really intense sexual chemistry, and it seems like we spend a lot of time being physical. I have no complaints in that department, but here is where I need advice…
Growing up, I always wanted to wait until marriage. I was pressured into losing my virginity with my first boyfriend and felt like after I had, I lost rights to say I was waiting until marriage. Now that I found someone I really care about, and could see being with forever, I want to wait. I just feel like it would show an even deeper level of commitment to each other. I have talked to SO, and he is completely understanding, and supports the idea for us to wait until we are married now to have sex again.
Is it ridiculous to wait now that we have already had sex? And for those of you who are waiting, do you do other physical things instead of sex?
I would appreciate any advice!
Post # 3
I voted that I think it’s a good idea. Sure, I’m biased because I personally am waiting till marriage, but that’s not why I voted that way. I think it’s a good idea because it sounds like it is something that is important to you.
Okay, so you were with your first boyfriend. While it’s true that you can’t change that, it’s not true that sex won’t be incredibly special when you’re with your SO/FI/husband for the first time. He’s someone who you are serious about and who you love, and that’s what matters.
Whether you ultimately choose to wait is up to you. Your SO is supportive though, so if it’s something you want for your relationship, I think that’s the right thing for you to do.
Post # 4
There are a few other threads on related topics here. I did something similar. I had sex with now-husband for the first time (for bother of us) 6 months before we got engaged. Then 4 months before the wedding we stopped having sex. For me it partly had to do with making a sincere confession before the wedding, and partly because I also had that virgin wedding night fantasy that I wanted to capture as much as I could. The anticipation really enhanced things!
PS. That sucks that your high school boyfriend pressured you like that 🙁
Post # 5
I didn’t wait until marrige for sex but I did wait until we were engaged. I felt that was a strong enough committment where I felt comfortable only having sex with my (future) husband. I was very happy with my decision.
Post # 6
my husband and I were active before we got married. About 2 months before the wedding, we decided to wait to continue until after we were married. It made the honeymoon so much more fun!
I say go for it!
Post # 7
A lot of couples do what you’re thinking of doing. If that’s what you want and your SO is supportive, I don’t see why not! I don’t think it’s dumb, and quite frankly even if I did, it would be silly of me to say so. It’s nobody’s business but yours and your SO’s what goes on (or doesn’t) in your bedroom.
Post # 8
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with your situation. I think it’s kinda lame to suddenly stop having sex for 6 months before the wedding if you’ve been having sex regularly up till then of course, but if you’ve never slept together and want to wait, go for it.
You guys can’t miss what you’ve never had together, right?
Post # 9
Thanks ladies! This definitely gives me something to think about.
Post # 10
I voted “other.” I wouldn’t vote “no” because “it’s a good idea” – it’s only a good idea if it’s what’s right for you and your FH. And if (IF!) your situation was one in which it was a good idea for you to have sex, I wouldn’t vote “yes” because you’ve already had sex with someone else. I would vote “yes” if you wanted to have sex!
To me, it doesn’t sound like you want to have sex with him before marriage (even if your body does). If it’s important to you and your beliefs, there’s nothing dumb about it. On the other hand, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with questioning your beliefs. Just be honest with yourself physically, intellectually, and spiritually. It will be okay, and don’t let anyone tell you your decisions are dumb or pointless.
Post # 11
I think waiting, if only for a few months, is a great idea and it will make your night that much more special!
Post # 12
I’ve always been in the camp that if you’ve already done it, trying to “wait” again until marriage seems pointless. I would never do this, and don’t really see a goal here. Having sex is really special. It’s a type of intimacy that really allows two people to be together on a different level (and in a way that I personally believe is incredibly, deal-breakingly important prior to marriage.)
But, do what you want. You’d never find me debating this, though 🙂
Post # 13
It’s your sex life and you two are consenting adults. No one has the right to judge you.
Post # 14
I don’t think it’s ridiculous. You do what feels right for you & your relationship. : ) Yes, it’s true that most people don’t wait, but just because you didn’t wait with another person doesn’t mean it’s silly to wait with this one.
Post # 15
@pumpkinpatch: No I don’t think it’s a silly idea. I mean my SO and I have had sex and we were both each others first. We didn’t have sex a lot and this may be Too Much Information but we never reached orgasm either. We didn’t like to use condoms so we always did the pull out method. Were waiting again to have sex until were married and we can finally acheive an orgasm together. I personally can’t wait and I think it makes it more special knowing that when it does happen it’ll be once were married. I do wish you good luck though because I have had to start over a couple of times. I’m hoping this time I won’t have to.
Post # 16
Fiance and I decided that at the 6 month mark we would stop. (we wanted to give ourselves two more months to have some fun and to prevent ourselves from going crazy too soon) We both wanted to wait until marriage to have sex but we both decided to not wait after we had been together for a while. We figured we were getting married one day anyway. Well, we have now decided that we want our wedding night to be just as special and for us to be just as excited to get to that bed as we might have been had we waited. So, now it will not only be no where near as aquard but we KNOW how good it will be and will enjoy that night THAT much more than if we had just kept having sex. I say go for it! I know we will be.