Post # 1
Hi Bees, I’ve been looking at the site for a few days now and just decided to join and post for a little advice and support. A little less than a month ago my FI popped the question and I happily said yes. We’ve been dating about 1.5 years (7 months of which was long distance). I feel like I played the waiting game for a while when I was hoping for a proposal… but now it’s a whole new sort of waiting game… waiting to start the planning of the wedding. You see, about 5 months ago my fiance (boyfriend at the time) bought a cafe and together we spent 3 months renovating it and turning it into a modern vegan/vegetarian cafe. Once the doors opened almost months ago it has been nonstop busy and my fiance literally spends over 100 hours/week at the cafe and I spend about 20-30 there with him when I’m not working as a night nurse. Add to that, that he is extending the hours of the cafe for the busy summer (we live in a summer vacation area)… so we are about to get even busier.
So basically, now that we are engaged, it’s great, but I feel like I can’t really even bring up the topic of a wedding yet because of how busy he is with the cafe. And honestly, I don’t even have the energy or time to think about planning it anyway… but I do sort of find it a drag that I feel that way. I guess I always envisioned getting engaged to be exciting and the planning to follow soon after. But neither one of us has the time or energy. I would like to be able to bring it up with him and talk about it for fun though, however, I think he feels too overwhelmed at the cafe to have the patience for discussing it and I understand that, but I guess it’s sort of a downer. I’m hoping that by the fall he will be more receptive to it. He does tell me that he is really happy with where we are right now (newly engaged) and just wants to relax and enjoy it for the summer without all the pressure of a wedding. Of note, this will be his second wedding, but my first.
I guess after looking through some of the posts of others, I haven’t found anyone that has a similar situation with the waiting to plan the wedding. Has anyone encountered something similar or have any adice to give?? Thanks
Post # 3
you are so not alone. My FH and I wanted to plan everything together. I’m a teacher and he is in the military and is also an EMT, AND in school. He is never around, and when he is- I’m usually tutoring, planning, or staying afterschool. You guys will make it work, it’s just about making time for something new. Try making a list of some some small, easy things you can manage in a few minutes. (something like starting a Pinterest board, or making a dress appointment). I know busy schedules are always overwhelming, but try asking your FH if you guys can set aside an hour a week, or a half hour a week to solely speak about wedding planning. That’s how we got started. Once you know what you both want, the decisions are easier. Good Luck!
Post # 4
@jasonkatie2014: Thanks for the suggestion, I like the idea of asking him to set aside an hour a week to discuss it. That way I get my “fix” of wedding planning and he doesn’t feel too overwhelmed or pressured during the busy summer.
Post # 5
You have plenty of time. We are 11 months into a 16 month engagement and honestly, all we did in the first 4-5 months of planning was book our venue (this also included the caterer and cake). We took a pretty huge break from planning because we had already booked a 10-day trip to Italy, and needed time to plan the Italy trip and simply enjoy our engagement.
The rest of the planning took off after we got home from our trip, after the 1-year-til-the-wedding mark.
I agree with PP, just take a little time out of your busy schedules to just sit down and dream about how you see your wedding day. The more you brainstorm and think of how you want it to be, the easier it will be to plan!
Best of luck to you through this awesome time in your life!
Post # 6
There’s nothing wrong with being engaged for a little bit before you arrange the wedding. You’ll get there.
Post # 7
@CafeNurse429: why don’t you wait until after the busy season to start planning. i got engaged in february and we visited about 5 sites, all had dates in the october/november time frame where we were looking.
we are putting this wedding together in 8 months of planning. honestly, i wouldn’t want to do this any longer than that.
i’ve talked to a few people who say you don’t need more than 6 months to put an event together.
the only issue is venue. if you have your heart set on a certain venue during prime season, you might want to put a deposit down sooner than later.
first step: write a tentitave guest list and figure out a budget.
Post # 8
@CafeNurse429: I’m not in your exact situation, as I actually didn’t want to plan my wedding at all and neither did my FI. But I personally feel like if you have anymore than 7 months to plan, it’s just too much. By the time my wedding rolls around (wow, 50 days!) I will have only planned for it for 6 months, and probably only 4 of those would be serious planning.
This depends of course on the level of detail you want to be at your wedding (mine is admittedly really minimalistic), but if you don’t plan to DIY everything under the sone (I personally haven’t DIYed one single thing for my 6k wedding) then it shouldn’t take long to plan for it IMO.
Post # 9
We’ve been engaged for almost 6 months, and pretty much the only planning i have done was find my dress/veil/shoes, and start a pinterest board. we looked at venues already, but everything is so tight with money and I am so busy with work AND school, that neither of us have taken it seriously.
enjoy your engagement. you only get this period of engagement once. people will always be judegemental and try to tell you whats too long to plan or whats too long of an engagement, but its all about you two, not anyone else.
that being sad, try to ignore peoples snarky remarks when they say something about the laidback timeline, cause they WILL say something eventually.