(Closed) Waiting to TTC chat

posted 6 years ago in TTC
Post # 76
Member
2866 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Sigh, well I wanted September of this year, but after a LONNNG talk with the man, we are looking at  September 2017 at the very earliest. I have a feeling that will go out longer, and well, it may never happen. I have gotten over the shock thankfully, but it’s been rough. Instead I’m throwing myself into lowering debt, starting to really bulk my savings account and planning a trip to Disney World next Feb. Holy hannah two years is a long time ๐Ÿ™‚ Thank gosh for Netflix.

Post # 77
Member
1444 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Paradise Gardens

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CanadianBride456:  Oh  don’t get me wrong I’m definitely the lie-on-the-beach-drink-in-hand kind of girl as well, but for some reason I ahev a burning desire to get some more “active” types of trips in before baby. We would totally do the carrier, but I know packing with a baby is a whole nother type of adeventure.

I’m just thinking when baby comes I won’t be down for as many logn road trips/ super active trips…but who knows until baby comes. Perhaps we’ll ahev asuper easy going little one and raodtrips will be a breeze–wishful thinking 

Post # 78
Member
1444 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Paradise Gardens

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mrsfiddlesticks:  Oh dear *hugs, hugs, and mor hugs*. So sorry your time line was pushed back. It sounds like you and the DH had a good talk so hopefully being on the same page will give you the peace of mind that you guys are doing the right thing for your situation right now.

Oh and 3 fist pumps for a Disney World trip!!!

Post # 79
Member
4025 posts
Honey bee

Hello other waiting to TTC bees! 

We are exactly 1 year out from TTC, which we plan to start in January 2017. We have a pre-baby bucket list that we have been crossing things off of for a little while. Our most recent cross off was a 3 week trip to Europe. That did wonders to distract me while planning and on the trip. And now, it’s a little harder to stay distracted. But we are working on the following in the next 12 months:

  • Finishing grad school (me)–graduate May 2017
  • Trip to NYC, Boston and Philadelphia–planned for September 2016
  • Pay off DH’s student loans–$14,000, should be gone in 10 months
  • Save up 6 months expenses in emergency fund–currently at 5 months
  • Save up $5,000 for baby fund–currently at $4,200
  • Max out ROTH IRA contributions–I currently do, DH needs to increase by $1,500 

I take a daily vitamin and so does DH. It is not a pre-natal specifically for me, but it does have 400 mcg of folic acid. I excercise fairly regularly and I am trying to get our overweight dog to lose some weight as well. DH needs to improve his exercise routine drastically, so hopefully he will work on that. He isn’t overweight, but he isn’t fit either.

We are also focusing on hobbies while we wait. I want to pick up sewing again and DH plays baseball. They are great distractions and things we know we may not have as much time for in the first year. I also need to figure out a better work life balance because I currently work about 60-70 hours a week, depending on the time of year.

Post # 80
Member
4025 posts
Honey bee

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BreezyBride24:  We have divided our long term travel plans into pre-baby and post baby.

So we did our 3 week trip to Europe this past December because we knew it would be very difficult with a child. We walked 10-12 miles a day around cities, saw tons of museums and did things that small children wouldn’t have the energy or attention span for. We are also planning to go to NYC, Boston and Philadelphia this year before TTC. The plan is do a lot of walking and exploring.

For post-baby travel, we plan on doing camping trips to state parks, a cruise again, and more laid back vacations.

Post # 81
Member
1119 posts
Bumble bee

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MooseMeese11:  Thank you for the tip, I will definitely keep that in mind for when I’m pregnant. I think sometimes the horrible complex births are the ones which get the most coverage and also stick in your mind the most, so reminding myself that the majority of births are fairly straightf orward is a great idea.

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BreezyBride24:  I’ve have the inner travel debate too. I’m very fortunate that I have been able to visit many wonderful places out of my continent. I have never ‘gone travelling’ as such (as in for over a month) and I do not have a desire to do this, I’m too happy in my job and very settled, but I do worry that certain places which are still on my bucket list may become things I have to wait until retirement to do if kids come onto the scene soon. However if I were to put off having kids until I had ticked off every item of my travel bucket list I would be too old to conceive!! On the other hand I do know of people who have gone on fairly extreme or long haul holidays with young children, so it isn’t impossible but I’m not sure if I could cope or if it is always fair on the kids…

Post # 82
Member
1119 posts
Bumble bee

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mrsfiddlesticks:  I’m sorry to hear that your timeline has changed. It’s great that you discussed it though and are on the same page now. It’s better to wait longer than do it early when you aren’t both ready – which is something you clearly already realise based on how understanding you have been. May I ask what your SO’s reasoning is for making it longer?

 

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BreezyBride24:  I think it is like TTC cold feet. You know like when someone is about to get married then suddenly questions “what if i want to sleep with other men/women?” etc and start doubting whether they are ready. It is a similar concept except applied to children, where you panic a little and question if there are other things you want to do before making the commitment. I would say it is a normal response for a lot of people when making a life-changing decision. If it is anything like most cases of wedding cold feet, it doesnt mean anything and doesn’t necessarily mean you aren’t ready.

Post # 83
Member
3195 posts
Sugar bee

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BreezyBride24:  Yes, every time I think about kids I think ‘but I haven’t done Thailand yet!’ or ‘I’ve not gone to the barrier reef yet’ or ‘but what about the Amazon?’. I know where you’re coming from because we just did African safari and I’ve lined up Greece, Poland, Finland/Norway for Northern Lights, Thailand we’ll likely get to, and a few other odds and ends before children.

But I then think about how cool it is to do those things with kids (I loved traveling with my family all through my childhood) and know that I’ll make this experience a priority (getting out an appreciating the rest of the world) with raising my children. 

I think so many people believe that the ‘fun’ part of life is over once they have children, and it’s a total shame! Many people don’t travel with kids because they enforce these totally ridiculous expectations on themselves for what a child needs to travel. Seriously, you can get away with baby wearing or a bare bones stroller, a few outfits, and a dozen diapers. Every country (that you’re likely to travel to given the tendency of people to stay in more developed countries) has formula and diapers. If you breastfeed, then you don’t need to worry about food for baby and raising a worldly kid that eats from different taste pallets is a good part of raising a healthy child. I know of a couple (from France) who took their 1 and 3 year old biking from Canada, through Central America, down to Chile….like pedal biking! Seriously, it isn’t impossible and getting kids to travel young makes them so much better at it for life. And if you want to do the wilds/camping things, find a front-wearing wrap and bring them along in fine weather! I think that this is more of changing your whole mindset about what a child needs. So many parents think they need a dozen toys, electronics, snacks, etc to keep their child happy…rather than teaching their child to find entertainment and satisfaction with their surroundings or self play. Anyway, I’ll knock off the philosophical thoughts. Point is, don’t stifle that urge to explore because of children…pass in on and share your passion for life! Get them to try new things and think outside their previous experiences. 

As for me, I just recently hit the baby rabies marker, but I know like 

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Mrs.Sugabee2003: that we’ll just need to adjust a bit for baby (I’m also living in Europe and people here travel a LOT with their kids, so I feel like that has rubbed off). 

Has anyone ready Bringing up Bebe? I just listened to it and a lot really resonated with me…especially the part that American parents feel like they are earning ‘points’ the more self-sacrificing they are for their kids (multiple sports, extracurriculars, breastfeeding, etc) despite how miserable they are in raising their kids….probably could tell from my previous thoughts ๐Ÿ˜›

Post # 84
Member
1444 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Paradise Gardens

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jpbee:  Yes, I think you’re absolutely right. If I tried to tick off all the traveling I want to do we wouldn’t be TTC until years from now. I don’t know if I consider it cold feet,but perhaps it is. I just consider it strategic planning to see how many short/cost effective trips we can do in the coming months. But I also have high hopes of traveling with our little one, not as extensive but we definitely want to take trips yearly.

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MooseMeese11:  Wow, that ouple who biked from Canada through Cnetral America is quite an inspiration. Thanks for sharing your experience and a totally different perspective. I’m starting to feel inspired that I can easily travel with a growing family. I think like anything, when you haven’t done it before it can seem a bit intimidating…but I think practicing minimalism when it comes to pack “kid stuff” should work out fine.

I’m feeling less overwhelmed about continuing our exploration, thank you so much for your response!

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Mrs.Sugabee2003:  Welcome! I love the pre-baby and post-baby travel plans. We definitely want to do some national parks here in California as well as some road trips so I’m sure we’ll be doing those post-baby. Maybe DH and I will take your lead and set some tentative traveling iteneraries up so we check a few more things off our list before baby. 

On one hand, I have a burnign desire to do all this traveling but ont he other hand I think TTC could take a while so I may have plenty of time. I guess we’ll just roll with the punches and fine tune the details when we get there.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 6 months ago by BreezyBride24.
Post # 85
Member
9791 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

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MooseMeese11: 

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BreezyBride24:  

I have to laugh a little at all of that (all in good fun I promise!).  It makes me laugh as a parent though!  Anyway, I’m not a huge traveler but I gotta say I would rather leave my toddler with grandma for the week and go on a trip with just DH than drag her along!  Lots of other people make it work but it also highly depends on the kids temperments to be honest (and that is the luck of the draw).  No one is going to baby-wear a 2-3 year old and no child older than 6 mo will be eating only breastmilk.  No one is going to get by on a few outfits or a dozen diapers UNLESS you are doing laundry and doing a bunch of laundry means it’s not a vacation.  For me, it’s just too much work traveling with young kids (under 5) for it to be relaxing, if that makes sense.  And having care of a toddler, I want my vacation to be relaxing!  I’m taking a trip away for 4 nights in two months and I can’t wait!  No kids!!! woooo!

It just reminded me of this article. 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/m-blazoned/vacation-or-trip-a-helpful-guide-for-parents_b_7789310.html

I laugh cause it’s true!  Just remember what is a trip and what is a vacation so you can lower or change your expectations!  My idea of a vacation isn’t sitting in a hotel room alone in the dark with my husband too scared to talk  in case we wake the sleeping toddler at 9pm.  My idea of a vacation isn’t listening to my toddler whine and cry for 3 hours in the car seat because she hates the carseat with a burning passion and wants free.  That’s the types of things that come along with traveling with a young child.  It seems a little naive to think otherwise (which is understandable when you have no kids). That’s why it’s a trip and not a vacation!   Just know what expectations to have and it makes everything better   Plus wine, always wine.

All in good fun

Post # 86
Hostess
589 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Hey everyone! So excited to be able to post here now. DH and I are most likely looking at spring 2017 to start TTC or fall 2017. My best friend is getting married June 2017, and my two other very good friends are also getting married summer 2017, so I’m unsure whether to hold off so I can enjoy the weddings and celebrate with drinks and such, or just be the sober one at the weddings with the possibility of morning sickness haha.. 

I’m not worried about feeling like I can’t travel, I have family on both sides who work in the medical field in paediatrics/neo-natal who are more than capable of taking my future child for a week, and they remind us of this quite often lol.. I would love to travel with my child, but I’m happy that I also have the option of travelling alone with my DH as well. Life doesn’t end when you have children, and I want to be able to take trips with my whole family and just my DH and I so we have our alone time to strengthen our relationship ๐Ÿ™‚

I went off the pill around November, and am in the process of trying to get my body in great shape for TTC and carrying a baby. I want to be at my healthiest point pre-baby. Are any of you doing anything to prepare?? Vitamins, supplements, doctor appts, that type of stuff?? It’s great we have each other to talk to about this stuff!!! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 87
Member
3195 posts
Sugar bee

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kes18:  No, I totally get where you’re coming from, and we clearly have VERY different perspectives. You and I are different people and will raise our kids differently, and our kids will be individuals too, so there are a lot of factors. You hear travel and think ‘vacation’, I hear travel and I think ‘experience something else’ whether it is relaxing or not. If I wanted a break from laundry and housework, I’d plan a different trip as well. But to me, some things are worth the effort and occasional unhappy, crying baby or washing a load of dirty laundry to bring them along and learn about the world and share that with them (it doesn’t have to be far or exotic or a ton of effort and you can adapt to your child’s needs). 

Post # 88
Member
1444 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Paradise Gardens

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kes18:  Wine, lots of wine…love this advice! And you have some great points, thanks for sharing that article!

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MooseMeese11:  Love the perspective and really appreciate you sharing. I think our stance is pretty similar, but I’m sure my stance will change when/if we have a little one. We’ll just be roling wiht the punches and try to find a good balance for everyone.

Post # 89
Member
2866 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

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jpbee:  DH wants to travel and do all these things. LOL something like that. I’m okay with it. I want to pay off more debt and really be ready, well as much as I can. I’m the only family member above 21 with a child, and the only one of my friends. I see most struggle with money and such though. So I really want to be prepared for that.

For now we are going to enjoy our freedom, and I’m going to enjoy a massive amount of sushi ๐Ÿ˜€

Post # 90
Member
9791 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

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MooseMeese11:  Oh they’re totally both worth the effort, they’re just different things so you have to have the right expectations!

That’s why I laughed.  Hearing someone take their kid pedal biking through 2 continents just makes me laugh when I put my kid in the bike trailer she screams her freaking head off like we’re murdering her.  And don’t get me started on the helmet.  And my husband has biked across states and loves to bike!  I biked with him before.  But it’s always a short trip let me tell you when someone is screaming their head off the whole, entire time   So unfortunately, we don’t get to take her biking with us quite yet so we have missed out on any biking together the past 2 years.  We will again once she gets older.  But for the moment, it is what it is!  

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