(Closed) Waiting to TTC chat

posted 6 years ago in TTC
Post # 91
Member
1119 posts
Bumble bee

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MooseMeese11:  Thank you for this post, you are absolutely right that life as you know it doesn’t need to end at children. I admit that life will change and I won’t shy away from that but it not everything needs to change as dramatically as it is made out. I still don’t know what type of parent I’ll be and i suppose that will dictate how I feel about travelling with children, however it is great to hear this perspective which isn’t often voiced.

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BreezyBride24:  Yes, perhaps ‘cold feet’ isn’t the right term, and it does have a lot of negative connotations. I also hope to still take yearly trips after children. I went on holiday at least once a year with my Mum from age 5 and have great memories of our travels.

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kes18:  I did wonder if someone who is already a parent might pull us up on what are potentially misinformed sentiments and I do see where you are coming from. I suppose, as you say, it depends on personal expectation of what a holiday should entail and realising what is involved, to avoid any nasty surprise when you are there. I mean for some people (my DH included) a relaxing holiday is boring and some kind of challenge has to be involved. Some people thrive off being busy and rushed, even when on vacation. For them it may be do-able. I guess it also depends on how much you want to go somewhere, if you so badly wanted to visit a place you may think it worth all the hassle and stress (and even danger in some cases) to get there.

Post # 92
Member
9791 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

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jpbee:  lol, it is always good to have some idea of what type of parent you want to be and what you want to do!  You obviously will keep some of the same things.  I want my kid to be exposed to a lot of types of food, ideas, cultures, etc.  But I know enough now to know that isn’t all happening at 2 years old besides what we see in books or on PBS shows.  haha!  I cook a wide vareity of food but my LO is a certified fruititarian.  I think she might turn into a fruit.  But you just keep offering and hope someday they become more adventurous!  As she gets older, she will be exposed to more.  Big difference between babies, toddler, and preschoolers compared to school aged children!! Some other things they might enjoy (like art museums) but only for a limited time (like you have one hour in there, go!)

No shame, I had plenty of parenting ideals before I had a kid.  Some I was succesful with and others…not so much.  You know all the typical things people like to say “I’m never going to let my kids have screen time until 2, 3, or X age” or “I would never let my kid sleep in bed with me!” or “I will exclusively breastfeed, baby-wear, and X, Y, Z other things” or “that’s not going to be my kid melting down at Target!” “my kid will be better discplined than that one!” etc,  that we plan to do as a parent.

That’s okay, we all laugh at ourselves when we think of some of the things we said before children.  All of us moms laugh at ourselves in the end.  Like they say, “you’re always the best parent until you have children”. 

Unfortunately, in the US we have very little support in the way of maternity leave, daycare, etc.  There’s really no village anymore and it can make things very difficult for new moms in the US compared to other areas of the world.  It will definitely change you!  I always thought relaxing vacations were boring but after much work it is to parent I want nothing more than to lay around on the beach and be served drinks!  My ideal vacation now is sleeping alone and sleeping in!  That’s not to say I don’t take my toddler places, because I travel and take her but it sure as hell isn’t a vacation!  It’s like a work trip. But it’s still worth it, I have great memories going places with my parents when I was young and I will make sure my LOs have the same (when they’re old enough to remember).

Post # 93
Member
982 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Hey bees! I have my annual appointment with my GP tomorrow (in Canada we go to our GP for everything, they refer us on to a specailist if needed) to get my pap. I’m going to duscuss TTC with her, like when to stop the BCP, prenatals, get my rubella titre checked. Anything that I’m missing? Should I ask for anything else?

Post # 94
Member
1119 posts
Bumble bee

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kes18:  Oh yes I definitely hear you regaridng the parenting ideals! I’ve been there with those, particularly the “that wont be my kid screaming in a store”. I don’t think it helps that my Mum often tells me I was never that kid, I was remarkably calm and quiet which was very fortunate for my Mum. It has always lead me to believe that my kids would be the same and would have the same temperament…however the closer I get the more I realise this won’t necessarily be the case.

Like you say I think it is good to have some pre-defined intentions of how you may raise a child, but unfortunately for OCD planners like me, not everything can be foreseen and there are certain things you have to play by ear.

I have no doubt there will be things I will look back and laugh at once I am a parent. I think its the same with all areas of life, like at Uni we all thought we would waltz into the real world straight into an ideal job and get paid the industry standard…just like that! The reality was a harsh realisation.

I’m sorry to hear about the lack of support in the US. We often moan in the UK about the way our country is run however it really isn’t all that bad, in this case at least. I am fortunate to work for a company who have a solid maternity structure in place and are also very understanding of unexpected occurences that being a parent present. E.g. having to dash off to nursery to collect your child due to illness/incident, or having to work from home because your childs school is closed on a snow day etc.

I’m really glad I found this thread, it has been great discussing this side of things and has been a welcome break from thinking about the actual getting pregnant process – which for me wont be happening anyway until later in the year.

Post # 95
Member
3195 posts
Sugar bee

Ugh, I’ve been having the craziest kid-themed dreams…probably the nighttime cold medicine, but I figured if anyone could relate, it would be you ladies!

The first one, I had a new baby boy, but he had a birth defect where he didn’t have a nasal septum, so there was just one nostril. Strange! And to cap it off, my grandma was like trying to keep me from him and keep him all to herself while my husband was totally apathetic to the whole situation. I was just like ‘I need to be home feeding my baby!’ and keep trying to cuddle and breastfeed him while my family interfered. I literally was aching in my dream because I was so worried and yearning for my little baby. 

The following night, I had a dream where three neighborhood kids were throwing eggs at our dog and cat. My hubby and I did a pincer maneuver to catch them, and I gave them such a stern talking to about respecting animals and neighbors’ property. Then, when we went into the house my husband was like “You want one of those shitlins?!?!”…our usual name for the worst types of kids. 

Ha, Nyquil ay? Also, it clearly shows me the warring thoughts going on in my brain: being a mom is awesome and I want that bond! but some kids are just the worst and that might be yours!

Post # 96
Member
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Waiting sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We’re aiting until late April-early May to start TTC. Hubby’s older sister is 3 months along and if we also had a baby before Christmas it would be a logistical nightmare as we are in different states to both sets of family *sigh*

Waiting is driving me crazy!

Post # 97
Hostess
589 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

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alsgirl:  ahhh that sucks!!! But it is also really kind of you to put your plans on hold to make things easier for everyone  ๐Ÿ™‚

Waiting sucks!! It’s crazy how much I have babies on the brain and I still have over a year till we TTC haha.. Do you ever get worried that it will take longer than expected to get pregnant? That’s my main concern right now, waiting so long and ending up having troubles we didnt know about ๐Ÿ™

Post # 99
Member
1609 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Hello, ladies!  I think I am going to join you if that is alright! ๐Ÿ™‚  My son will be 2 years old in March, and we hope to start TTC this summer.  I am so ready to be preganant again right now, but I have to say that I am terrified to have another one; a lot more than I was with my first.  Maybe it is because I know what I am getting into, especially since we are entering the tantrum phase currently.  Either way, I am totally ready to have a big belly again and breastfeed a newborn; I just miss the bond.  This second one will be our last, so I am determined to milk every ounce out of it because I feel like I just wished the first one away because I was so uncomfortable.

I agree that it is so stressful TTC!  I feel like I was a crazy person the first time around, and we were lucky because it only took 3 months, but I feel like that was all I could think about during that time frame.  Hopefully my son will be a distraction, so I will be less psychotic.  I look forward to talking with all you lovely ladies!

Post # 100
Member
1444 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Paradise Gardens

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teacherbee01:  
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steph91:  I’m right there with you ladies. Reading about the various bees that have experienced fertility issues has really encouraged me to go ahead and take the plunge. Growing up you always think “one time” is all it takes to get pregnant which is technically true but from most accounts it takes approx. 6 months to concieve. We’re going to start NTNP in May knowing that if we do end up having problems we should have enough of a buffer to sort things out and hopefully have a little one before or around the age of 30.

Post # 101
Member
1444 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Paradise Gardens

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onyx81:  Welcome! It sounds you guys have decided that 2 is your stopping point for kids. If you don’t mind me asking how did you guys come to that agreement? Were you both on the same page? I’m pesonally an advocate for 2 as well but my DH wants 4 … I think (figners crossed) we’ve comprimised on 2.

And you are so right, when you’re ready for the next chapter in life i.e., engagement, wedding, house buying, kids it seems like that’s all you can think of. After quite a bit of reflection I realized I was always in “hurry up and wait stage” and one of my new years resolutions was to really live and cherish the moment. But I must say it’s way easier said than done, let’s just say it’s a work in progress. 

Post # 102
Member
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Oh boy is this a heavy question: So my wedding is next year and I decided early on that marriage would come before babies. The thing is I didn’t expect to be 35 on my wedding day. So I am most excited about:

-The shock among my friends and relatives when I [finally] announce my pregnancy

-having people dote on me

-Being able to share the expeience with my parents who are aching to be granparents.

-Seeing the face of my child for the first time

 

I’m terrified of:

-Giving up the freedom that comes from being childless. I really wish I could kick this can for another 10 years

-Struggling with fertility because you know 35 is the “high risk” age

-Miscarriages

-Having a girl (My Fiance only wants boys)

-Not being able to share this with Mother-In-Law (she passed away 2 months after we got engaged. She really wanted to be a grandma too and it breaks my heart that my Fiance will miss sharing that with her)

-That it will be really hard. Plus there is no turning back

– Baby weight, stretch marks. 

 

Ugh, darn you bioogical clock!

Post # 103
Member
1609 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

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BreezyBride24:  2 children was kind of a compromise.  I always wanted 3, but would be ok with 2.  My husband always said that he never wanted more than 2 (he is really big on population control, so he only feels comfortable with “replacing” us), but he would totally be fine with 1.  He may even prefer it, so we agreed on 2 before we got married as long as we survived the first one.  I did tell him that he is in charge of birth control after the 2nd, and if there is an accident because he didn’t take care of things, he can’t be mad! ๐Ÿ˜œ I think your New Years resolution sounds fantastic, but it is so hard to be patient when you want something so badly!

Post # 104
Member
1444 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Paradise Gardens

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onyx81:  Thanks for sharing about your compromise. I like your hubbies thought process regarding population control. But I love that you made him in charge of BC after baby #1. I’m planning on making my DH be in charge after baby #2, but by in charge I mean a little “snip snip”…unfortunately those details are still being negotiated. Oh the joys of marriage and compromise .

Post # 105
Member
1609 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

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BreezyBride24:  No problem.  I am totally talking about the big “snip snip” as well.  I am done with the pill, temping, charting, alll of that after number 2.  He needs to talk the reigns.  I had a c section with my first, so I was considering having my tubes tied if I was unable to have a vbac, but I have heard you pretty much go through menopause with that, and I refuse to deal with that on top of the hormones from birth, breastfeeding, and lack of sleep.

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