(Closed) Waiting to TTC chat: Part 3

posted 9 years ago in TTC
Post # 152
Hostess
6422 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Almost Mrs.P:  my mom sort of has an idea of “a year or two” as well. sometimes she ays, OH i would LOVE a grandchild!  especially around holidays. Christmas was the worst pressure! I was going to talk to her wednesday but she wasnt around. Brother hurt his shoulder and she was with him. so i lost my chance then! i guess its not a big deal anyway.. i dont know if all women take after their mothers in that way? sometimes i wanna know and sometimes i dont!

Post # 153
Member
1119 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@megz06:  That’s awesome!  I do MFP on and off but get bored with it… the diet is definitely more of a challenge than the exercise for me.  I’ve done WW for the last several years and lost weight, but I got so sick of tracking… I finally quit because I didn’t want to keep paying them for something I wasn’t really using.  MFP seems like a good substitute.

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@FreckledFox:  I think it’s helpful to know… like my mom has said that the women in our family have relatively easy labors.  That being said, of course you never know, but I think you can gain SOME info that way.

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@ShellVee:  It’s so hard to figure out how to handle this stuff!!

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@aliciapdx:  Ahh, congrats!!!

Post # 154
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@aliciapdx:  COngrats!! I love seeing graduates! : )

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@cant.wait.to.be.mrs.d:  thanks for keeping that massive list!! You are a super star!

Post # 155
Hostess
6422 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Almost Mrs.P:  i’m crazy and love to know everything, therefore i’ll end up asking her, even if i dont want to!  πŸ™‚  glad your family has easy labors!!!

Post # 156
Member
1534 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Hi ladies. So we got the results back from our genetic counseling appointment. My husband and I are officially both carrier for beta thalessmia. I knew I was but a small part of me was hoping maybe his mom had misunderstood and/or the tests he had done 35 years ago were wrong. But that is not the case. Unfortunately we both trend towards the more serious expression of the disorder.  

While I’m not really surprised, I still am really sad. But there’s always a silver lining.  We had other testing done and no other diseases popped up so its just the beta thal we have to contend with. We’ve also spent the last couple of weeks having some serious heart to hearts about what we want to do. We decided on IVF. No here is the really special part, we are moving to Boston in about a year.  Massachusetts is one of the very few states that mandates insurance cover to include fertility treatments including IVF. Our current state, California, has some mandates but they don’t require insurances to cover actual IVF. I’ve looked up the actual text of the Mass laws, so I’ve seen it for myself and I’m so relieved. Yes, we’ll have some out of pocket expenses but no where near the house downpayment type expenses we were preparing for.  My conservative, republican voting behind(please don’t flame me) has never been so happy to see government mandates in my life.

sorry for the verbal diharrea. My husband is at work and I just needed to let it out. Normally, I’d call my mom, but I’m not speaking to her at the moment (and probably won’t again) but that’s a story for a whole different thread. 

Post # 157
Hostess
6422 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

@MrsPaulsBabyBallerina:  i’m sorry that you got those results  πŸ™ what is the chance that its passed on?  and thats a good silver lining at least!!


 

hi guys i got a new username since i’m not FutureFoxWife (shouldve changed that in Oct).  πŸ™‚ and a new avatar.

Post # 158
Member
1534 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@FreckledFox:  You’re such a sweetheart. And very cute new name!

Yes, you are correct.  We have a 25% chance of having a child with major thal if we went the non-intervention route.  

Now here is where I have another diharrea of the mouth moment.  I have multiple chronic illness that necessitate at least 2-3 doctor/specialist visits every month.  All of my illness came on as an adult.  So I know how I’ve struggled with the emotional impact that has had on me over the years.  I struggle greatly with depression and anxiety.  All of my illness are impacted by stress in that they flare when I am under a great deal of physical or emotional stress.

So knowing that, I personally cannot risk bring a child into this world knowing that he/she will have to have biweekly blood transfusions, chelation therapy, and various other pokings and proddings on a regular basis.  In my mind, it isn’t fair to the child when I could have done something (IVF) to prevent it.  Does that make sense?  

There is also the selfish aspect of it as far as the toll it would take on my health in caring for a sick child.  And also the stress it would put on my marriage.  I work in special education.  I see how hard it is for the parents to cope with all of their child’s issues.  Most of the kids’ parents are divorced.  It breaks my heart.  If I can do something to avoid that, then I feel it is my responsibility.

If we were to go the noninvervention route, testing to see if the pregnancy was affected wouldn’t occur until 13 weeks.  For all the reasons I mentioned above, my husband and I would terminate.  Obviously a very personal decision but I’m laying it out there and hoping I don’t get flamed for it.  If we did have to terminate, I worry about how it would impact me (emotionally and physically), my husband, and our marriage.  

Sorry I’ve rambled on like that.  It’s been a wild ride emotionally these last few weeks.  We also found out my SIL had an early miscarriage right before they were planning to tell my ILs, my other SIL and us.  It just breaks my heart.  And my own family drama.  I’m just one big, snotty tissue clutching emotional mess.

Thanks for reading my ramblings.  It’s ironic that I’m a very private person in my “real” life but yet I put this type of business out there on here.  

 

 

Post # 159
Member
1198 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@FreckledFox:  Cute name change!

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@MrsPaulsBabyBallerina:  Thanks so much for sharing your story and I’m so happy that you are moving to Mass (yay, New England!) and can get full coverage for IVF. That is so awesome. It must be a bit of weight off of your shoulders!

Post # 160
Member
1922 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Hello ladies! Can I join??

We just got married in March and my clock is ticking like crazy! I’m about to be 30 this month and DH is going to be 29 in August. We are emotionally ready for a child. We’ve been together 3.5 years (best friends for 2.5 years before that). However, there are some things getting in the way of TTC… 

I switched jobs in March. I got a huge increase in pay and thought it would help us getting ready financially for a baby. However, a month later I was let go due to lack of business. So I have a new job lined up, but the pay isn’t as great. :/ And I’d like to work for them for a little while before going on maternity leave. 

Also, DH had to postpone his graduation until Dec 2013. And grad school for him is still up in the air.

I know we need to have more in savings and I need to stay at this new job for awhile before TTC..but I want to get off the pill to get my body ready. Hubby says we need to wait….. It’s just soooo hard! 

Post # 161
Hostess
6422 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

@MrsPaulsBabyBallerina:  thanks  πŸ™‚  and i see where yu are struggling. There is another girl on the charters thread that has CF, and her dr pretty much told her that she shouldnt have kids cause it is probably going to be passed down. Which is ridiculous to even say. Only the mother/adult has that decision to make. There was another thread about Down syndrome vs. terminating… it was 50%/ 50% poll for like weeks… theres never a right or wrong answer, there’s only what you decide is best for YOU. My cousin has decided not to have kids because her DH has some sort of disorder where limbs do not develop in the womb. (not sure what its called) he came out with 4 fingers per hand (missing his ring fingers) and 8 toes or something. He got lucky, his brother has a short forearm, and missing toes. They are so afraid that the baby would end up having no arms, and they wouldnt find out til way later on. Having the baby and giving it up for adoption is another hard decision as well, i dont know if i could do that. I think that the only thing you can do is continue with TTC, and see what happens at 13 weeks. You might decide that it took you guys 6 months to get here and any baby is welcome! if it happens right away, and you dont have trouble, thats something to think about as well. I am neither pro-life nor pro-choice. I have never made up my mind since the situations are so different!  I do not envy your situation, and again, i’m sorry you or anyone has to even make these decisions.  πŸ™

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@AstoriaK:  thanks  πŸ™‚  it took forever to decide!  my DH calls me frecklefox  πŸ™‚

Post # 162
Hostess
6422 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

@CocoLoco523:  hi welcome, your post had me going yay! awww  :(.. yay !… awww  πŸ™  sorry about the letting go, but i’m glad you got another job! maybe theres room for growth there? waiting is hard  πŸ™

Post # 163
Member
1922 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@FreckledFox:  That’s exactly how I feel. Up one second, discouraged the next. But reading these threads gives me hope for support and a place to vent. Hubby mentioned the other day that I was really pressing for coming off BC strong. So I’d like to pull back from talking about it too much in real life. πŸ™‚ 

There definitely is room for growth at the new job, and while the base salary is lower than I wanted there is incentive pay. So if I’m more productive, I can potentially earn even more. So that is positive. And it is with a group that really values employees and a home/work life balance. 

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