(Closed) Waiting to TTC, Part 16

posted 7 years ago in TTC
Post # 421
Member
1741 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

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sherry17:  It depends.  How old are you, and how long would the new opportunity delay TTC?  Do you work in an industry where you will likely move again in a couple of years, or would the new opportunity be more permanent?  Is hating your job affecting your life outside of work and your relationship with your DH?

FWIW I’m 33 and I was in a similar position: we were ready to TTC when I was approached about an exciting opportunity.  I decided to take the job, which meant delaying TTC for several months so that I could qualify for maternity leave in my new position.  I figured I didn’t know how long it would take to get PG, and I would likely resent staying in my old position every month if we weren’t successful.  And then I’d have to wait another 9 months while PG, then while out on maternity leave, and then while waiting a respectable amount of time after maternity leave before looking for a new job.  Even in the best case scenario, it would have meant staying in the old job for another 2 years!!!!  Also, I can see staying in my current (new) job indefinitely while raising a family, which wasn’t necessarily true in the old job.

 

Post # 422
Member
48 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m 29, he’s 28. This particular job would mean I’d be living away from DH for part of the week at least. His main concern was that if I am not living here, how could we have a family… I let him know that I’d be aiming to switch to something closer to home. So, he was fine with us just waiting another year overall.

My job does affect my life outside of work. I try not to let it, but as my boss puts it, my day is never done because I am building up my “own business.” It’s tough to leave this kind of job at work (outside sales.) I’ve been with this company for two years, and in the sales gig for 2 months. It’s early days, I know. I’m trying to make it work. I’ve got a lot to learn, and I have had some small successes early on, but every time my boss reminds me that I’ve got to make X or I won’t have a job, I die a little inside and get a little less motivated. 

When I look at the pros and cons, I mainly see- pros of staying– we can start our family. I’ve got decent pay, good benefits, and very supportive employers. Cons– being pregnant and miserable at work is not appealing. That and I’ve been decently successful early on, but if this dry spell continues, I won’t have a job at all. Overall, if my attitude toward this job doesn’t improve, I wouldn’t be going back after mat leave anyways, at which point I’d be a Stay-At-Home Mom or I’d have to find some other job.

Pros of leaving– I get to work towards my dream. Cons– We’re apart and we push off our dream of having a family once again. That and I start all over in a new place with new co-workers and new bosses in a field I’ve been out of for 2 years.

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 11 months ago by sherry17.
Post # 424
Member
48 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2013

That’s a whole other perspective, yes. Thank you for that.

 

Post # 425
Member
48 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Runnerbride, the field I love rarely has an open position where we live, and it’s even more rare to have a friend/former classmate be vacating the position AND putting your name out there, so it’s less “wait and see for something locally” and more “this could be the in I’ve needed for the last two years.”

My husband really wants me to go for it. My heart is saying baby, my head is saying baby and a career I love and feel passionate about. My head is also saying, “be practical, stick where you are for just a little while longer. But who knows how long it could take to get pregnant.” Guh.

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 11 months ago by sherry17.
Post # 426
Member
1741 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

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sherry17:  Ooh, that is really tough!  That your DH wants you to go for it tells me that your unhappiness is affecting your home life, so I’m tempted to say go for it.  The only thing that is holding me back is that you’d be apart for part of the week.  Work travel can also be hard on a relationship, and I’m assuming it would be near impossible with an infant at home.  I guess my question is how long it would be, realistically, before you could transfer to a position closer to home after starting in a new field.  It sounds like that could take several years, in which case, I wouldn’t put my life on hold unless I was so unhappy at work that I couldn’t imagine having a baby in those circumstances.

Post # 427
Member
48 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2013

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LittleRiver: Good insight you have! Oh yes, it affects us for sure. I was trying to hide how unhappy I was, but he saw right through it. I think sales is in some ways a good fit for my personality type, and in some ways, an awful fit. It’s so black and white and it has major ups and major downs. I’ve been trying to convince myself I can make it work, but I don’t know if I can do it long term.

I think I need to just apply and take it step by step. If I get hired, I work for awhile, then we start TTC. Once I hopefully get pregnant, I’ll work another 8 months or so and then go on mat leave for a year. That way I have my foot in the door at the company and my name in the pot to transfer to a more local publication. And if I DON’T get hired, we hop on the baby train and I stick it out until I can go on mat leave. After that, it’s a fresh start I guess!

Post # 428
Member
419 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Advice please ladies! At the moment its looking like I’m going to have AF at the wedding. The thing that worries me is that sometimes I get cramps so bad that I can’t even imagine how I would get through my wedding. Yesterday was CD1 and my cramps started shortly after getting up. I was in so much agony that I had to go back to bed for a few hours and then spent the rest of the day on the couch. I have 3 options:

1. Take the pill for a cycle or 2 (which I really do not want to do since we are planning on TTC soon and I don’t want it messing with my cycles)

2. Start TTC next month, because part of me thinks that pregnancy symptoms surely can’t be as bad as horrible AF cramps (but obviously getting preg first try isn’t a sure thing)

3. Just take the risk of being in terrible pain at my wedding

What would you do?

Post # 429
Member
48 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I vote for switching your cycle up a bit. That’s what I did and it worked like a charm! It meant I got AF on the honeymoon (ouch!) but it was super light and only lasted a couple of days because I had messed with my usual cycle. Of course, everyone is different. 

I guess you could TTC, but are you thinking that because you’re ready or…? 

I don’t know you or your situation, but I wouldn’t REALLY recommend TTC before you’re even married. Don’t you want some time just to be married first (it really is different) sorry if this sounds judgey. I just know from experience that even living together for years, marriage does change things up a bit and it’s been nice to grow into that sans child.

Post # 430
Member
1741 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

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Janelle123:  I vote for taking the pill!  I would hate for you to have cramps (from AF) or nausea (due to pregnancy) at your wedding.  Taking the pill for a month or two is unlikely to mess up your cycle — in fact, many REs prescribe it for a cycle in between fertility treatments to regulate hormones.  I don’t usually recommend the pill because it did a number on me, but I was on it for 10+ years!

Post # 431
Member
419 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

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sherry17:  What did you do to mess with your cycle? Did you take the pill? Did your cycle go back to normal quickly afterwards? The wedding is in January and we plan to TTC in Feb so I want my body back to normal ASAP.

 

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LittleRiver:  Hmm maybe you’re right but for some reason I’m so nervous to take any hormonal BC. I haven’t been on anything in 3.5 years

Post # 432
Member
1298 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I would say take the pill, but I move my cycle at my convenience on occasion. My doctor even offered to help me move it for the wedding, though I was actually in the clear. 

We’re going to ttc in Feb too, and I’m still on the pill right now – we’re going to TTC right out of the gate off the pill, that’s how my mother got pregnant with me and I don’t want to be pregnant when we go on vacation in Feb – though we’ll be trying then!

Post # 433
Member
48 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Well, I got rid of Nuva Ring and went on the copper IUD a month before the wedding. My cycle has reverted back to the regular dates, but it took awhile. 

Post # 435
Member
1614 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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Janelle123:  I had the same issue and tried to alter my cycle without taking hormonal BC – I reallyyy didn’t want to mess with my cycles.  I ended up getting AF the day before my wedding and was basically hemorrhaging up until an hour before the ceremony when my period miraculously stopped for 24 hours.  It was ridiculous (and kind of amazing).  I used my cup and wore dear Kates (basically period panties) to try and protect my white dress.

I had heard drinking lots of ginger tea can make AF come earlier.  It didn’t work for me, but it’s worth a shot for you!  I would start drinking it now to try and get it to move your cycle up by a week before the wedding.  Good luck!

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