(Closed) Waiting to wait…

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 17
Member
786 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Welcome!  I lurked around here for a couple weeks, and then one night me and my boyfriend at the time (now fiance) had an argument about getting engaged and what was going on and if anything was wrong..  That I got fed up and joined here and vented my situation to the other waiting bees haha.  It did help to get it off my chest though.

I never got a timeline before about when we would be getting engaged.  Just “when he was ready”.  We never went ring shopping together or anything either.  We just discussed marriage and how he knew it was important to me and I didn’t want to wait forever too.  It was really over the last 2 years that I was bugging him more about getting engaged and what the delay was.  So I have been waiting since then I’d say, and each time we went to a friends wedding I felt it more..

Then after our last argument I kept my mouth shut and didn’t say anything related to marriage, rings or whatnot to him..  So I came on here to look at some ideas and talk with the other waiting ladies who were going through the same thing.  So it helped having somewhere else to go to than to my Fiance.  Then the engagement finally came and now I can talk wedding talk to others too so he doesn’t go crazy! haha.

Hope you will enjoy it here, lots of valuable information and friendly gals.

Post # 18
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee

Welcome! I joined a few months ago and was so happy to find people like me. ๐Ÿ™‚ I went from having no thoughts of marriage on my mind to engagement-fever practically overnight. It was crazy! So this is my outlet. 

I guess if I had to pick a milestone it would be when we sat down and talked about it the first time, timelines and all. That was December. We *almost* went ring shopping/browsing (I was too embarassed to go inside). Since then, we’ve also talked more in-depth about expectations (kids, career, etc). Our timeline is by Fall 2012 so there’s still a long way to go! 

Post # 19
Member
600 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2006

Welcome!  I don’t think I lurked for too long, maybe about a couple days.  But I also posted during that time just a bit.  I became officially waiting after our anniversary in January when after 6 years he legitimately asked for and agreed with my timeline.  Before then, I would read posts from “real waiters” and be so jealous that they had timelines or that they knew their man had a ring or at least said that he could see them married someday.  I was so jealous.  I really didn’t feel like I was really waiting until the whole timeline discussion and him finally saying he’s thinking about marriage in a good way and on his own accord.

I did a poll about it this idea of “real waiting”:  http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/when-did-you-start-officially-waiting 

I think this can be a helpful place no matter where you are in your waiting and no matter how much info you have or don’t have from your SO.  Good luck!

Post # 20
Member
296 posts
Helper bee

This is my first post! wow!!!

Welcome! I am also “waiting to wait.” 

I have been lurking on this site for 2 FREAKING YEARS. I’ve only been dating my SO for a year and a half. You do the math, lol. I just like looking at wedding stuff, even though I don’t feel ready to get married anytime soon. It’s my guilty pleasure, hehe. 

But right now I’m just enjoying being with my boyfriend. If we even make it to that point, I think it will be at least a year until we get engaged~ probably longer. And I’m totally okay with that; no hurry here! 

I’m not sure how actively I’ll participate in the WB community just yet, but just decided to join now because I was relieved to see there are others out there that are “waiting to wait” like me, and wanted to add my voice.

Post # 21
Member
1555 posts
Bumble bee

I found this site randomly, told Boyfriend or Best Friend and he has encouraged me to keep reading up on stuff and checking in. I have no timeline, no ring picked out (I’ll get to pick my own since he won’t buy my jewelry … god bless him for that.) But today he did say “I’m going to enjoy all that wedding stuff with you.” So yay! ๐Ÿ˜€

 

I almost feel weird that I didn’t lurk. I signed right up and jumped into the fray. I like looking and seeing what others have done.

Post # 22
Member
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Hi and Welcome! I joined a while ago and we we had a timeline to get engaged etc etc. But things change and life has kind of made our wait a little longer. I later found out that I joined about a month before he was going to propose. I think it is a little different for all of us waiting bees as to when we joined and if our FH knows we are here reading and talking about weddings.

Post # 23
Member
442 posts
Helper bee

Welcome!! You’ll love it here! ๐Ÿ™‚

I lurked off/on for probably over a year before I actually joined The Hive. I had actually joined a different wedding-related board, but found everyone on this board seemed more welcoming and gave more thoughtful [and thought provoking] replies to threads.

I finally joined about 6 months ago, just before my 4yr anniversary with my SO. In the last year, he’s gone from saying he wasn’t ready and didn’t know when he would be, to saying he sees us married within the next 2-3 years… to more recently saying he agrees it’d be nice to be engaged by next year and that he has ‘plans’. He’s even started pointing out rings in commercials and asking my opinion on them.

I’m actually curious if other Bees have noticed this… but I realized that the time period where my SO and I would actually get into arguments over getting engaged, was when I was just lurking. Since joining, we don’t actually argue about it anymore and are able to have calm conversations about the topic. I don’t know if it’s just our communication skills improving or what. But I found it interesting nonetheless, I assume it must be because I have this outlet now and come here when I need to have a meltdown. ๐Ÿ˜‰

So, with all the emotional ups and downs I’ve gone through during this whole ‘waiting’ process, I don’t think I would’ve been able to get through without this place.

Seriously. This place is a godsend! <3

Post # 24
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee

Welcome!

Post # 25
Member
296 posts
Helper bee

@authentic: hmmm that’s an interesting observation, that you and your SO would argue when you were lurking, but it stopped once you joined. 

Maybe you’re right; that now that you have this outlet, you don’t bug him about it as much. 

That could be a possible benefit for me.

Our situation is that we had casually addressed the possibility of getting married over the first year and three months of our relationship, but we both knew we were talking about a hypothetical situation. Then, at the beginning of this past January, I suddenly realized that we’ve been dating for a significant amount of time, and that within months we would surpass the longest relationship I’ve ever been in (20 months). With this realization, I started to view him as not just my boyfriend, but the man I could marry someday. 

So I started bringing up the future a lot more. Not future like “when do I get my ring?” but rather discussions about “if we were to get married, how do you think we should handle our finances?” and “how do you think we could balance having a family with our career goals?” I just wanted to make sure that we weren’t wasting each others’ time if we weren’t compatible, and felt that it’s best to bring up the important stuff sooner, rather than later. He was a good sport about it, and we had some productive discussions. 

But yesterday, I said something, and he sort of protested that his friends don’t talk about marriage this much with their girlfriends. So I apologized, and said I hadn’t meant to annoy him. We both know that we’re not 100% sure about marrying each other, but he said that he feels like I’m a lot closer to the decision than he is. I told him it was not my intention to pressure him~ I just wanted to make sure we were compatible. We agreed that from our previous discussions, it appears that we have no glaring issues and are on the same page about everything, and so I said that I would drop all talk of marriage to avoid making him uncomfortable. 

So, this is it! I have to keep my mouth shut now! Maybe this will be a good outlet for me, in order to avoid annoying him, haha. 

The topic ‘Waiting to wait…’ is closed to new replies.

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