- 8 years ago
Hi everyone, I have been reading your posts for awhile now and thought it was time I said Hi! Hi from the U.K! Some of the things you have been saying have given me such comfort as I thought I was the only person feeling this way!
I am feeling a little frustrated/anxious/excited and feel like I shouldn’t really be talking about any of it so I am using you guys to vent. Me and my SO have been together for 41/2 years.. I am 29, he is 33. We live together in London, we just rent (we can’t afford to buy anywhere!) but we have been living together for about 2 years and we are really happy. Everything has been ticking along nicely with no particular urgency. And then in the summer I turned 29 and I started to hear a biological clock ticking! I really want to have a baby in the next year or so and I would really like to get married beforehand. So I started making these noises to SO, he is great and I trust him 100% not to let me down. He wants to have a family too- whenever I am ready he says- and agrees that it would be nice to married beforehand so I feel like we’re on the same page. But lately I feel like a bit of a crazy woman.. it started with me just dropping hints, and then it turned into me mentioning it every day and him getting annoyed and us fighting and me feeling rejected. He said that if I keep mentioning it then he won’t do it. Then one of my best friends who has been with her SO for less time than me got engaged and I was gutted. I cried so much! but I didn’t tell anyone. But everyone around us starts mentioning it more- when is it going to be you? it makes me feel so bad! as if I haven’t already started asking that question myself!
a few weekends ago SO and I went away for a weekend break by the sea. it was really romantic, we had a 4 poster bed, we watched the fireworks but no proposal. I know my friends and family thought it might happen then too. We did look in some ring shop windows and he asked me what kind of ring I would like (first time he have ever done that) and we did talk, in a really calm way and I said I would like to get married in 2011(first time we have ever discussed time)- maybe even Spring time (about 6 months) and I said to him I don’t even need a big proposal, I just want to get married and we could go shopping for a ring there and then. But he said no he wanted to ask my Dad and do it the traditional way. I said fine, but if we want to get married next year we might need to get on with some planning. I did feel so much better after that conversation, I feel like we have reached a calm place in our relationship and I feel like we’re on the same page but now I feel like I am just WAITING. Since that weekend we have been getting on so well, he is being so sweet, I told my sister about the conversation on our weekend break and how we had looked at rings and she said NOTHING which is really strange as usually she’d like to gossip- I feel like she might know something. He has changed his Facebook password which is weird because he has no secrets from me. So I feel like it might not be far away.. I know I havent been waiting for years or anything but I am getting impatient- I am used to being the one in control in the relationship and finding it so hard to keep quiet and not get my hopes up.
secretly I am hoping for a December time proposal but I daren’t even let myself get excited. I also feel like I shouldn’t really say anything to anyone about all this- apart from my sister- since I am worried SO will feel pressurised even more and will delay even longer.
I have been naughty and looked at a few wedding venues and a few rings online but mostly I am trying to take my mind off all this. I know this is silly, I know I will look back on it all and think what was I worrying about! but right now I feel like I am going to burst. I am so worried that other friends are going to start getting engaged around us (we have been together the longest out of our friendship group) and each time I feel a little bit gutted. Yesterday another friend said to me- why is it taking him so long? I was like, its not been that long has it?? But I just want to scream!!. It is so good to know there are others out there who feel the same way and Im not losing my marbles xxxx