(Closed) Waiting until marriage to have sex, romantic?

posted 5 years ago in Intimacy
  • poll: Waiting until marriage to have sex?
    YES : (43 votes)
    17 %
    NO : (203 votes)
    83 %
  • Post # 61
    Member
    2837 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    Willowtree2222:  There is the smallest part of me that thinks it would be cool if my husband and I were the only people eachother had ever slept with.  That said- we didn’t meet until we were both in our thirties, so it would have been a rarity.

    Also, truth is, I learned what I wanted and didn’t want in a relationship from my past relationships.  Which made my relationship with my husband “easy” in a sense- we were both old enough to be who we are.  Of course you grow all the time, but you do a lot of growing and changing in your twenties, when you’re figuring it all out, IMO.

     

    Realistically, those past relationships may have not told me as much if there wasn’t sex involved- I would never have sex to keep a relationship, but many relationships won’t last TOO long without sex, if that makes sense.

     

    Post # 62
    Member
    136 posts
    Blushing bee

    eeniebeans:  this is so incredibly lucid. I’ve had many sexual partners and each one of them I’ve cared for an enjoyed being with. Their existence and my experiences with them really say nothing about my intimate relationship now. If anything, those previous experiences have really enhanced what I want, how to express what I want, and what feels right. My mom and I don’t talk about sex often, but she always tells me how it matters to her that I know myself and make choices accordingly. 

    Post # 63
    Member
    698 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    This is interesting because my Fiance and I have different answers. I was 22 when I had sex for the first time with my second ever significant other.  He was 30-31 and a lot more experienced and was, honestly, very gentle and kind.  He was also not that large, so it was a blessing for me to not have the most painful time since it still hurt and he wasn’t … yanno.  Either way, after that I went on to have one other significant other and then my Fiance.  My Fiance is 25 and waited until he was sure I was the one before we had sex.  He is very appreciative of this and is very happy that’s how it went, since he came from a very religious background, taught Sunday school, etc.  Being that I’m not really religious (I’m still figuring it out), it didn’t bother me.  I will say, however, that it worked for me because I always said I’d never 100% full time live with someone until we’re engaged – simply because I don’t want to tie finances to someone I’m not 100% committed to.  So … For me it wasn’t a big deal, I was glad I did it early so I had experience to guide Fiance.  Fiance was happy to wait for “his one” because he felt like it was the proper way 🙂

    Post # 64
    Member
    1141 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    I think that associating virginity with purity is dangerous and can lead to having an unhealthy view about sex.

     

    For me it led to dating a guy who eventually sexually abused and raped me, I never reported it because these were my first sexual eperiences and because of my upbringing I felt ashamed and that is was my fault

    Post # 65
    Member
    563 posts
    Busy bee

    I kind of wish that we had waited until marriage but we can’t go back now. I do feel good about the fact that we waited until we loved each other and were strongly committed. I felt that our first time was romantic and that our sex life is romantic. I feel that its romantic when a couple in love makes love for the first time. I feel that such romance exists whether or not the first time is on the wedding night or if it happens sooner. 

    Post # 68
    Member
    16 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    My SO and I have found a sort of happy medium.  We both come from religious backgrounds, and both our families promoted the idea of saving sex for marriage.  I ended up sleeping with an ex, thinking he would eventually be the one and that we would get married.  That particular relationship ended up being the wrong one for both of us, but because I associated sex with marriage, I felt I needed to stick it out in spite of the red flags.  SO has saved himself and wants to continue to do so until marriage in order to honor his upbringing and his faith.  Because of my previous history, I am perfectly happy to wait as well.

    THAT SAID, we both recognize that physical intimacy is an important part of a relationship.  We’ve still found ways to be intimate with lots of foreplay, and we’re both very upfront about things that we like and dislike.  I’m confident that the time we’ve spent learning each others turn-ons and turn-offs will help us when we do start having sex.  We just know that we want to wait until our wedding night to officially seal the deal.   

    • This reply was modified 5 years, 2 months ago by  miekochan.
    Post # 69
    Member
    4524 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    Willowtree2222:  but why is it the woman who is “giving it away”? Why is it, that when two heterosexual adults engage in consensual sex, the woman is giving something away and the man is “getting some”?

    Choosing not to have sex if you don’t think a relationship has long-term potential isn’t a bad thing, don’t get me wrong. But sex, to me, is sharing something together, not one person giving away soemthing and the other taking.

    Post # 70
    Member
    8959 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    Willowtree2222:  Now I feel a little bad for all the men who gave me their milk for free when I never had any intention of buying their cow.

    Post # 72
    Member
    5089 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: December 2014

    Willowtree2222:  No. The whole cow-milk analogy doesn’t make sense for several reasons. It implies that the woman is giving something away but not getting anything, women can have sex because they WANT to, not just to please a man. It also implies that they only reason that a man would want to marry you is so he can have sex with you. By you saying that having sex with a man will make him not want to marry you, you are saying that the only reason men marry is for sex. Not true, look at all the people on this thread alone that ended up married to a guy they had sex with before marriage. If a man wants to marry you just so that he can finally have sex with you, because you want to wait until marriage, then that is a much bigger problem. 

    Post # 74
    Member
    5089 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: December 2014

    Willowtree2222:  You’re right. Everyone who has sex before marriage gets an STD… SMH.

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