(Closed) Waiting until next year… Alcohol induced discussions

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Having a hard time focusing on the question, I keep getting bogged down in the fact that your ring may be 15-20k and your wedding would be 75k.

People are usually more honest when they are drinking, but otoh, he may not remember the conversation precisely.  I’d take it as an indication of his thoughts, but not an actual timeline.  Wait a little (you have plenty of time) and bring it up when sober would be my recommendation.

Post # 4
Member
2893 posts
Sugar bee

I’m gonna have to ditto everything kay01 said. I wouldn’t take it as a hard timeline but rather his personal thoughts on an ideal time. Give it some time and you can knock out more details later. I’ll also have to say I also got caught up on the 15-20K as well. ๐Ÿ™‚ I don’t even know what that looks like. I mean – wow, wow, wow and wow. Is he determined to spend that much? Was that why he said it would take him 18 months before he had money to buy the ring? Is that your guestimation of what it would cost? Would you be ok with something in the 5-10K range if it made it easier for him to save quicker and perhaps push up the engagement date? Just curious.

Post # 5
Member
318 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think he’s sincere especially since you know his financial situation and it’s not as if he’s making bank and not doing anything.  Good luck, I know it’s hard waiting.  

Post # 6
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think you both should be communicating about your future in a healthier, sober way. Really – marriage = communication. Talk to him about this when alcohol isn’t involved. Also, you wouldn’t have to wait until late 2013 for the wedding if you had a budget less….out of control? I promise you can have a really nice big wedding for half that budget. Something to consider for budgeting for your children’s future, perhaps.

Post # 8
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

If you guys arent good savers, that seems like an awful lot of money to save in a few years.

I think you need to have a sober discussion about timelines.

Post # 9
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I get expensive city weddings – I live in Boston (though I hope I’d able to do it for much less than $75k, because I refuse to go in debt for it).  However, just know that the “rule” regarding 2 months salary was created by DeBeers marketing campaign in the early 20th century and it is not a required by etiquette.  I say spend what you can afford that makes both of you happy – it needn’t be two months salary.  (Average I read somewhere is $2100.)

Post # 10
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@Marryanne007: If you are worried about it taking too long, and you aren’t the best savers, perhaps you should mention that the ring doesn;t need to cost that much, unless you think it does.

Post # 11
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I agree that you need to talk about this when you are both sober.  If you were sober, I would say that this a real timeline.  18 months isn’t that far away if you have a plan and know when you would like to be married, etc.

You really don’t need to spend two months salary on a ring and 75K on a wedding.  I don’t mean to be preachy, but, considering your financial situation and the fact that you are not “good savers,” I’d think long and hard about this… especially since you say you want to have kids soon after you are married- and b/c you want to get married/engaged sooner rather than later.

Post # 13
Member
2893 posts
Sugar bee

I don’t think you’d be pressuring or nagging. Especially if you lead with, “We were drunk and I’d rather have this conversation sober so we both know where we stand.” It’s completely legitimate and if you talk about the future as it is I’m sure he’ll be fine with it.

I forced myself to do the sober talk after letting my dose of the liquid courage get the best of me once. I get very calm and happy and bold when I drink and subjects I’d usually hestitate to approach spill forth. ๐Ÿ™‚ But he sounds like a great, understanding guy. Let us know how it goes.

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