- 10 years ago
- Wedding: July 2012
I never thought I’d join the ‘waiting’ list…simply because I was never all that concerned with the idea of getting married. I knew I wanted to start a family someday, and I knew that I wanted to be married before I had kids, but always thought ‘well, it will happen when it does’ and left it at that. And here I am. My story is a simple one, really. My guy and I have been together for a while, and have lived together since Valentine’s Day. He tells me frequently how much he loves me, how lucky he is to have found me, how happy he is because of me, etc. so I have no questions about his feelings for me, and honestly was so happy to have found him that the life we had was a good one. HE brought up marriage months ago, we were going to a friends wedding and he kept saying things like ‘at our wedding’ or ‘when we get married’ and so on, until I finally said (half joking and half serious) ‘Well someone needs to ask me first.’ Since then we’ve openly discussed our wedding, cupcake flavors since I want them instead of a cake, possible locations (we even drove to a park one day I had in mind for a possibility for our BBQ type reception, he knew why we were driving there, he even had an opinion about whether or not to have it there), favors, centerpiece ideas, I mean we have a lot of the small details figured out…but no ring. Worse than no ring, no proposal after I got all excited at his open-minded conversation about it all and started really wanting to be engaged. About a month ago his friends (who were married last year) were over for dinner, and his friend asked ‘When are you two going to get married already?’ and my guy replied ‘soon’ and that was it. In light of all of this, I once asked him if he had an idea in mind of when we might talk about getting ‘engaged’ (ring or no ring because that part isn’t the important part) and he said he wanted to save some money first. I specified ‘You want to save up money before we even talk about getting engaged?’ and he said yes. OK. So I can’t bring it up anymore, so I’m sitting and wondering ‘huh?’
Now for part 2 of this rant, my birthday. My 30th birthday. It’s in 2 weeks and 1 day. The little background I will share here is that I’ve had a rough couple of years, birthday wise, and don’t think I’ve had a good or happy one in at least 4 years, which he knows. I’ve said that this is a milestone birthday and it’s a big deal. I’ve joked that he better work more overtime to afford a nice gift (and he knew I was kidding, I said it after he’d worked almost 100 hours in one week, he laughed with me) and made jokes of that sort. Now it’s in 2 weeks, it’s a big one, and I’m afraid that he hasn’t started shopping for any gift yet. Last week I printed out a bunch of different ideas for him (not that he had to choose one, but it gave him a bunch of things I like so that he can use them to base a gift on) and left it on his computer. I also printed (and left on my own computer, but he happened to see it anyway) a stack of engagement rings that I liked, complete with notes on what I’d like, what I like about them, what I don’t like, etc. He had said he had no idea about diamonds or rings and that he did want my opinion on them, so it isn’t like I went *completely* crazy, just a little bit. He has both lists sitting on next to his desk, in the same spot he put them that night (after laughing at me) not looked at, or if he did he glanced.
So, after all of this…I have no expectations about my upcoming birthday. I certainly am not expecting a proposal or a ring, and as materialistic as this sounds, I don’t even expect him to give me a personal or thought-out gift. I’m starting to think he’ll wait until the last minute and go shopping the day before (or on his way home from work THAT DAY) and buy the first thing he sees. They say it’s the thought that counts, and that is true…but if he hasn’t given it much thought even after I’ve made such a big deal about it being my 30th I think I might burst into tears that day. I also happen to know that my sister, 2 best friends and mom are in cahoots over a surprise birthday party and my guy hasn’t really been involved in any of the emails, which I only know because he left them ALL OPEN on his computer when I walked in to get a pen one day, I wasn’t snooping because I like surprises and was kind of sad it got spoiled. No one knows I know about this, but it hurts that he’s not even read half the emails nor has he responded to any. I so badly want to say ‘Well, he has been working a LOT the last few weeks and he’s probably busy’ but then I think that when he IS home he is always on his computer, so it wouldn’t be difficult for him to READ an email regarding my birthday party, and possibly start shopping for a gift.
Am I being over-sensitive???