- 6 years ago
Soooo I feel like it’s been forever since I’ve posted (realistically probably only about 5 days, hahaha), I’ve had a rough couple of days and I’ve checked in to the board and been reading everyone else’s updates, but as far as my own situation goes I’ve just been way too depressed and ‘blah’ to write.
So Sunday another one of my girl friends announced engagement. No big deal, other than the normal ‘another friend is getting married before me’ jealousy/disappointment, right? Well, not exactly, this one stings, alot… I don’t even know how to illustrate the situation accurately. This particular friend of mine, awesome girl, beautiful, funny, great career, is exactly like me in a lot of the ways that I differ from the rest of my peers, and the ‘norm’. I won’t go into huge details, but she was like, the LAST friend that I expected to get proposed to before me, especially because she’s been with her fiance for about half the time I’ve been with my SO. So it hurts a lot, I really saw myself getting engaged before her, but I’ve been proven wrong and on top of everything else and all the defeat I’ve already felt, I’m at an all-time low this week. I’m trying to look at the positive and tell myself that on the flip side, if my equally awkward, ‘late-blooming’ friend is engaged now, that HAS to mean that it will be my turn really REALLY soon, right?
In addition, one of my exes and his fiance (that I am friends with still, don’t worry I’m not creepin!) after being engaged for several years have finally started planning their wedding which will be in April. When that happens, ALL of my ex-boyfriends will be married. What makes it worse is they are all married/engaged to the girls that they dated right after me. I’m like the female “Good Luck Chuck”!!!
As far as the Christmas Challenge goes, I can atleast be proud of myself that I’ve stayed strong and I haven’t brought up engagement in over 2 weeks! Again, such a short time that feels like an eternity! I’m back into a routine at the gym, and I’m back into my book series that I started a few months ago. My recent realization that no amount of bringing the topic of engagement up is going to make it happen any sooner has really helped alot with letting go and dealing with the fact that I have no control.
My SO has been doing a LOT of overtime at his job, and he’s been doing a lot of freelance work on the side as well this month. Last night he announced to me that he has done ‘x’ amount of additional time at work and should have all the money he needs to do everything he wants to for Christmas. I found the comment interesting, but still dont think there is a proposal on the horizon. He is getting his mother a present that is going to cost him several hundred dollars, and he has been looking at new tvs for our own house a lot still, so I have a feeling if there is to be any kind of Christmas purchase for us it is going to be a tv. It sucks, but I’ve let him know I think it sucks, and that hasn’t seemed to change his opinion about buying the tv, so whatever.