- 5 years ago
- Wedding: August 2014
This is my first post. I found this message board after Googling “boyfriend says all the right things but won’t propose to me”, and I found soooo much comfort in reading all the other posts by waiting ladies like me. I just want to share my story and hear any insights you might have to offer.
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for over 2 years, living together for almost 1 year. We’ve known eachother for about 3 years. He’s 33, I’m 31.
My boyfriend is super kind, loving, gentle, fun, smart, generous, reliable – basically everything you’d want in a boyfriend times 100. We have a lot of fun together, are very compatible, get along great, hardly ever fight, and when we do disagree, we do it respectfully.
I pretty much knew I would and wanted to marry him 6 months into the relationship. He was (and is) very affectionate and loving, and I thought we were on the same page. When we’d been dating about a year, he told me that he’d told his mom that he was saving up for a ring. I thought I only had a couple more weeks to wait. He has a very good job and makes good money. (I have a pretty good job as well.)
Well, 7 months went by, and we did not get engaged. During that time, we moved in together. Before we did, in January 2013, we talked about our plans for the future. I told him I wanted to be married and having kids within the next year, since I hoped to have 2 kids and I didn’t want to go through pregnancy after age 34 or 35. He said he had to wrap his mind about the idea of getting married within the year, but assured me that my timeline was acceptable and reasonable to him, and that he planned to commit to me.
Several months went by, no proposal. In May he asked me to show him what kind of rings I like, so I emailed him some pics. Another 6 months passed with no proposal, bringing us to today.
To be fair, he has never shown me any reason to suspect that he doesn’t want to commit to me, other than not proposing. He talks about our future together as if it is a done deal. He wonders aloud about our future children. We discuss our planned parenting styles. A few weeks ago, I simply had to ask him if there was something wrong, some reason he did not want to marry me. He said straight out that he had no qualms about our relationship, that he has no intention of having a future without me in it, that I have nothing to worry about, that he is not just stalling for time, and that I should just trust him. But how long should I keep waiting and “trusting him” before I betray my own life plans and dreams?
I want to trust him, but I feel like I’ve been waiting long enough. I don’t want him to commit to something he doesn’t feel ready for, but at the same time, it sucks having to wait for something I have BEEN ready for when there doesn’t seem to be any good or logical reason for waiting. 2 years is not an incredibly long relationship, but neither is it too short, and we are both in our 30s and know our own minds.
I try to be chill about it and just enjoy the relationship for what it is, and most of the time I succeed, but sometimes I feel really sad and upset that our lives have been so good, and ARE so good, but he does not want to move the relationship forward into permanency. When I hang out with other women my age or younger who are married or engaged, or even have children already with their husbands, I sometimes wonder if there is something wrong with me, that all those other women are worth getting engaged to, but I am not worth the same in men’s eyes.
Something that compounds the problem is that I don’t like the city we live in very much, but he needs to live here for his job. If we were to break up, I would move for sure. If we do get married, I plan to go back to school so I can get a better job in this hard-to-scrape-by-in city. So in a way, I am finding it hard to commit to a path in my life before he commits to me. Will it be marriage, school and gross city, or adventuring on to a nicer new city?
PS. This isn’t a wedding thing. I know this is a wedding site, but to be honest, I don’t care about the actual wedding at all. I just want to be legally and morally bound to my partner so we can build a strong and loving family.