(Closed) Waiting, waiting and hating

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I’d say, since the holidays are coming up and that is proposal season, wait until after new years (as hard as that is) and then if it hasn’t happened, sit him down and work out your timeline again with him. I wouldn’t want you to freak out on him, if a holiday proposal is right around the corner!

Post # 4
2503 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@ohnatto:  Actually, its not just a wedding site. There are so many waiting bees on here, you are not alone! You can come here for support, or you can come here to check out other Not Wedding Related posts.

I understand where you are coming from, but to me it sounds like your SO believes he is on the same page as you. I would definitely give it some time…a few more months, and if nothing happens then let him know that his timeline isn’t working out for you. Good luck!

Post # 5
202 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I think it’s pretty mean and thoughtless of him – sorry to be a debbie-downer here. My Fiance promised me a ring by a certain birthday if I moved to a foreign country with him, I moved, birthday passed, no ring; six months later I wanted to move for school/work and he took me to look at rings and told me if I couldnt leave because we were going to get engaged and he planned to marry me. Etc.etc.etc.

I wish I’d ignored all the ring talk and thought of him as a boyfriend rather than a soon-to-be fiance when I made life deciscions. He proposed when I’d finally started looking at him as a boyfriend and decided it was time to move on (I’d actually been looking at apartments and planning to tell him I was moving out when it happened) but then I got the ring and said yes because I’d been waiting for years – the ring is nice but I’ll always resent him for the pre-engagement b.s. and it feels like our relationship was build on dissapointment and empty promises. 

Don’t let the promise of a ring spoil a perfectly nice relationship (or artificially extend a not so good one) It’s not fair for him to expect you to make deciscions as if you’re engaged while he takes his time to make up his mind

Post # 6
1248 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012 - Chateau Briand

@leftylettersthis exactly. After the holidays would probably be best to bring up the conversation and as another PP said, tell him his timeline is not compatible with yours and find a resolution.

Post # 7
1671 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

@ohnatto:  Ah, you are definitely not alone. I am going to bet that he either has the ring and has not found the right time (my Fiance admitted to attempting three times before – but things did not line up correctly for it to happen) or he is saving for the ring or is super picky for the ring. These things take time – and if he is everything you say he is he will want it to be as close to perfect as it gets. As hard as it is, be patient – he is totally exhibiting the classic signs of proposing to you ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 8
1145 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@ohnatto:  I believe that you should trust him. He is probably waiting for an anniversary, vacation, holiday etc. If it doesn’t happen with the year that you 2 spoke about, have that serious talk again. Try not to bug him.

A lot of times, the guys we are with lack a sense of timing. I said it before and I’ll say it again: LET’S BEAT THEM WITH A CALENDER!!

Post # 9
733 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@leftyletters:  +1

@ohnatto:   I was in a similar spot last year and was getting soooo antsy I could barely handle it. I was also sick of constantly keeping my nails perfectly painted and doing full hair and make up everytime we went out ‘just in case tonight is the night’! Haha. Anyway, he did propose, mid-December, and we knew a number of other people who got engaged right around the same time, so I say definitely give him until the end of the year and try to stay distracted and not focus on it too much. A holiday engagement might be just around the corner! ๐Ÿ™‚ 

Post # 11
733 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@ohnatto:  No need to be embarrassed! It’s a ton of anticipation and anxiety when you’re patiently waiting for a proposal! I joked with my fiance a couple times that if he didn’t hurry up I’d “kidnap” him and take him to Vegas and we would just get it over with. Fortunately, that will not be happening (unless we both completely lose our marbles during the planning process and decide to elope – haha!). 

Post # 12
892 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

let me tell you something. I have been with my (now fiance) for 3 years and 8 months. But who’s counting. I started getting antsy about a year ago for a proposal. I dropped hints, we talked about it. we looked for rings, i cried to my friends, i stressed myself out and at one point decided maybe i’ll just have to live with the fact that we’ll be boyfriend and girlfriend forever. In this past year alone my aunt got engaged,my younger cousin got engaged after 2 years, my best friend got engaged to her boyfriend of only 1 year, 3 of my friends got married and 1 friend had a baby with her husband. Needless to say i was jealous of everything they all had. I started to drive myself nuts over the issue. I resigned myself to believeing it wouldn’t happen until next year some time. As it turns out 13 days ago we went to Bear Mountain in NY and he proposed. Why did it take him so long? He wanted the proposal to be 100% perfect for me. And it was. i really had NO idea it was coming. Long story short. if he’s talking about it, he’s asking you for ring pictures, your talking about the future and you’re living together he has all intentions of marrying you. He may jsut be waiting for the perfect time!! The holidays are coming up!!! Honestly if the holidays pass and he hasn’t made a move by february you might need to give him a little nudge. sit down and talk with him about it and ask him seriously if he plans on proposing. Things that also help. Having a close friend ask him if he plans on proposing. Also, a hint… “accidentally” leave your phone or your computer open on a page with engagement rings you like. Good Luck!!!

Post # 13
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@ohnatto:  PPs all gave good avice. I’m in the camp that says, its coming, so just trust him and try hard to be patient.

@leftyletters:  +1 to everything!

Post # 14
2532 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Come on here and vent as often as you like!
The bees will keep you distracted (and listen to your woes!) – there are a TON of waiting bees, and while I don’t know how it works, you can put yourself on the list (so that maybe you can request to be taken off when a ring comes)!

Like PP’s, I’d say be patient and wait till after the holidays, then if nothign happens you two need to sit down and have a serious talk, not just about getting engaged but your personal timelines and what your individual goals are for the future.

In the meantime, use this time to try and strengthen your relationship a bit – being engaged can get a bit tangled with difficult emotions sometimes, and I think it’s better to start working on weaknesses as soon as you recognize them. ๐Ÿ™‚

Good luck, OP!

Come back as often as you like to poke around or post something. ๐Ÿ™‚

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