Waiting waiting and more waiting

posted 7 days ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 2
Member
5815 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

I’m not going to lie, this whole relationship is a train wreck and by obsessing over engagement you are only missing the wood for the trees. 

Post # 3
Member
401 posts
Helper bee

I honestly don’t know why you want to marry this person.

Post # 5
Member
865 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

You can’t buy commitment or respect. It sounds like he has enjoyed having you as his benefactor, but he has already said he doesn’t see a reason to get married.

What is it you are hoping to gain from marriage to him, since he is not improving your life currently?

Post # 6
Member
853 posts
Busy bee

Agree with pp. This is a shit show. I’m sorry to be harsh, but why would he think you have enough backbone to leave him? From the very beginning of the relationship you have constantly bent over backwards to accommodate him while he’s barely lifted a finger in the relationship. He is a parasite and you’re the all too willing host. It’s hard to imagine what he could do that would actually make you leave given all the crap you’ve already put up with, from being strung along waiting for a proposal that never comes, to giving up your dream of having children, to discovering he has a fourth love child, to paying absurd amounts of money to support HIS kids and pay for HIS vacations while getting fuck all in return….WTF bee? Wake up and smell the coffee – this man is a LEACH and I have no idea why you’d even want to marry a person who takes advantage of your generosity like this.

Post # 8
Member
869 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

You’re his sugar momma, doormat, babysitter, sex toy, the list goes on

He is a liar, cheater, deadbeat, and user

Why haven’t you left already? You’re in a parasitic relationship. What do you get out of this? You’re basically giving your time, money, and body to a Nigerian prince

Post # 10
Member
853 posts
Busy bee

Bee, just look at your own words about what the relationship is doing to both of you:

His kids say he’s a better father because of me. His parents say he has changed his entire life and that is because he met me, and he has said a thousand times over I have changed his life when he had nothing to look forward to. I’ve lost so much money doing looking distance. I’ve partially checked out of my business all together. I sleep on the couch every night and have cocktails with him on the phone. His life improved 100%. I can’t say the same for me

I wonder if life is passing me by. Like I’m not doing the things that really matter in life. Like having a family,  a home and a partner to come home to. I’m not feeling fulfilled just being his long distance girlfriend anymore. I really want to have a normal life and he knows this is effecting my happiness and my business. Which has slowly deteriorated since I’m more focused on spending time with him. 

His life has improved 100% yet you are a shell of your former self, the business you’ve spent DECADES building is falling apart, you’ve wasted countless amounts of $$ on him, and at the end of each day you go home to an empty house to drink alone. What are you doing? Why don’t you think you deserve better than this? Being single would be BETTER than this, like a million times better. You basically are single right now anyway–just with a leach slowly draining you dry–financially and emotionally. 

Post # 11
Member
1784 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

watiekatie :  His life improved 100%. I can’t say the same for me

Everybody knows this is how happy, healthy relationships are supposed to be…….NOT!  OP this sentence should be all the proof you need in order to know what to do.  Of course his life improved,  his sugar mama is bankrolling things he could never have had on his own!  He’d do anything to keep you……except marry you.

You want marriage and it appears you want children….neither of which you’re going to get from this guy.   You are miserable because of the choices you’re making…..accepting things you know to be unacceptable.   Please, please, PLEASE…..get out of your own way!

 

Post # 12
Member
853 posts
Busy bee

watiekatie :  I am glad you found this site too and hopefully this is the wakeup call you needed. Bee, you can have everything you want. You’re 37, you’re not 80. Earlier this week, I went out for drinks with some of my mom friends. Two of them were 40 yrs old and just recently had their first baby. They’re both planing to have at least one more child. There is still time for you to build the type of life you want, but first you’ve got to drop the dead weight that is your boyfriend.

Post # 13
Member
6856 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

watiekatie :  He is a user and leach (not to mention a liar). And you are giving up EVERYTHING to be with him for some reason. He is not worth it! I’d struggle to even call this a relationship in all honesty. PP was right: you are his sugar momma. Sorry to be harsh Bee, but you need to wake up. 

Post # 14
Member
6 posts
Newbee

Nope. nope. Nope. Drop him. Run! I know you feel like you are super invested and how can you walk away but omg, walk away. Don’t look back. He is a class A loser and he is absolutely using you. Don’t cancel the trip. Take it by yourself, take a friend, take your mother. Girl, you are in some serious need of self examination. You have spent way too long invested in this relationship and need to step away and spend some time alone. In a year you will he thanking God every single night that you walked away from this. You have many years ahead of you that can be ruined by not walking away so let the last few go. 

Post # 15
Member
7186 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Girl, you sound like a fucking CATCH! But you also sound like a doormat – and he knows he can get the best of both worlds. You, wining and dining him, literally flying him around the world, him with minimal commitment, lies, deceit, keeping you long distance at arms reach so never fully involved in his life. 

You sound very driven and successful, and TBH I don’t think a deadbeat dad who lies about how many kids they have (?!?!?!?!) is going to do it for you.

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