Waiting waiting and more waiting

posted 7 days ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 16
Hostess
3957 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

watiekatie :  I don’t think he’s going to marry you, and that’s honestly a good thing.  37 is still young, walk away now and don’t waste any more time.  I don’t know why you’d even want to marry this guy, he sounds like a terrible partner to you. 

Post # 17
Member
568 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

watiekatie :  He lets you plan vacations (sounds like you pay for them), take care of his kids, and you bought a huge plot of land for him to supposedly build a house on and he’s not willing to have kids with you…..this sounds like a train wreck of a relationship. You should be planning your exit, not wondering why he hasn’t proposal. 37 is still young, break up with him and find someone who will give you everything you deserve.

Post # 18
Member
2160 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Bee, you are lucky. You have your own business, money, property, intelligence, and capability. Not everyone has these things. You can do whatever you want and have no reason to settle for someone who so completely doesn’t meet your needs and is a burden on you. I was divorced at 37 and met the man of my dreams and my huband at 38. There is no doubt in my mind you can find a partner who  shows you the love, respect, and committment you have given to your current boyfriend without reciprocation.

When you decide to leave, be prepared for him to suddenly step it up, promise you things, and maybe even propose. It will mostly likely be a ruse to get you to stay and continue funding his lifestyle and making him comfortable. Do you really think a man who has a hidden child that he doesn’t spend time with will have it in him to commit to you? There will always be another excuse as to why you can’t set a wedding date and he will drag this on while you enter your 40’s and start feeling even worse about your life. Don’t let that happen! Things can turn around for you quickly, but you have to take that first step in freeing yourself. Good luck.

Post # 19
Member
1282 posts
Bumble bee

You’re a supporting cast member and a financial prop in his life and not starring in your own. 

 

 

 

Post # 20
Member
1476 posts
Bumble bee

watiekatie :  I’m so overwhelmed by everything that is wrong here. 

1. He told you up front he saw no reason to get married. Why did you think he would change his mind?

2. He is NOT a better father because of you. He is apparently a deadbeat who relies on you to make up for his absence in his children’s lives

3. he’s a liar- he lied to you about having a fourth child. What else is he lying about?

4. There is something deeply broken in you that compels you to overcompensate in your love life. You bought him a fucking international trip 4 months in when he was essentially a stranger to you. He learned he could use you financially from that point on and YOU set that precedent.

5. You seem to think that because you have paid his way for everything thus far and taken on childcare responsibilities that your free labor somehow entitles you to a proposal. It absolutely does not. Engagement is a mutual decision between two parties, NOT a business transaction. 

6. You are running out of time if you want kids. And you should NEVER sacrifice something as big as kids for some guy. No one is worth sacrificing your fertility for

7. you need intensive therapy to help you figure out why you throw money at your problems and are drawn to deadbeats who leech off you. 

Stop enabling yourself to continue this destructive pattern. Get help now. And dump this guy and STOP paying for everything!!!

Bottom line- You cannot pay him to propose to you and marry you. Money cannot buy you a loving husband 

 

Post # 21
Member
2124 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

watiekatie :  The question is not, “Why won’t he propose?” The question is, “Why would you want him to?”

This man has lied to you about a 4th child, let’s you do all the work and put all kinds of money into the relationship, promised to propose by a timeframe and then completely disregarded his word (and you should have lost trust in him already by his actions), and you’ve given up your desire to have kids for him. 

What’s in it for you?

Don’t be so obsessed with getting married that you attach all your hopes on this awful human being that you should have never taken back. Honestly, you’re your own worst enemy here! This man is not the only man on earth! There are millions of great men, even local men, who are good and kind and who won’t constantly lie to you and take advantage of you.

I got so mad reading your post, because this man is complete and utter garbage, and you want to tie the rest of your life, future, and finances to him?!

 

Post # 22
Member
152 posts
Blushing bee

Some relationships are not meant to go to the next level. This is one of them. Remember the good times, special vacations, etc. This man is not HUSBAND MATERIAL. I think in your heart you already know this. Wanting marriage and children is normal. Sometimes one door has to close, for another door to open. Don’t be afraid to walk through a new door. Forget the number “37”. It is just a number. You can find the right man at any age. I think it is important to have reciprocity in a relationship. Hold back and be a little less giving in the next relationship and observe what a man does for you. 

Post # 23
Member
81 posts
Worker bee

watiekatie :  Please dump this loser and get some self respect… no one in this world will treat you will until you learn to treat yourself and love yourself

Post # 24
Member
6917 posts
Busy Beekeeper

This isn’t a train wreck in the making, this is an established, mature train wreck. You know what you need to do, Bee. The only thing harder than breaking it off now will be breaking it off a year from now. 

Post # 25
Member
36 posts
Newbee

He is a user and you deserve better! Putting in a certain amount of time and money into a relationship does not guarantee you a proposal/wedding, for him to change or treat you better and it’s better to cut it off than waste more of your time. If you really can’t bring yourself to dump him now then just cancel the Valentine’s trip and stop putting money towards him and see what happens… I’m willing to bet he will show you his true colors again. A wedding day and ring isn’t going to magically fix anything if there are issues in your relationship. It’s not a magic ring. There’s a reason divorces are so common.

I’m also very concerned that you say it’s effecting your business of 20 years and you spend every night drinking cocktails with him on the phone. You need to take control of your life again!

Post # 26
Member
850 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

watiekatie :  why buy the cow when the milk is free?  This is not a question you need to be concerned with.  What you need to answer for yourself is why do you want to buy an entire pig for a little sausage?  And make no mistake, this guy is for sure a pig. 

I suspect that you believe that if you can just get him to marry you that he will suddenly make you a priority.  Sorry bee, that is never going to happen. He has made it clear in countless ways, every day, that you rank very low on his list of what’s important to him and that isn’t going to change no matter how much money you throw at him. 

Get some self respect and cut this dead weight out of your life.

Post # 27
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2016

You are being used, plain and simple. You deserve better and I have no doubt you could do a lot better. 

Post # 28
Member
1005 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I know that love is blind but you really need to take off the rose coloured glasses and view it as an outsider would. I mean seriously! This guy brings nothing and takes everything. What a life he has, yet still won’t do anything for you or even compromise on one child for you. Sorry but I just don’t see any positives except at least he has been kind enough to not marry you so you can escape easier

Post # 29
Member
1064 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

This is a well known scam in Thailand. I lived in Thailand for years, and I’m still friends with some sex workers there. Usually it’s bar girls working it on foreign men, but I guess there’s no reason it wouldn’t work in reverse.

That joke: you buy the land and I’ll build the house? There’s a reason for that.  As you must know from your purchase, foreigners can’t own land outright in Thailand. So there’s a reason that’s what he asked you for. What percentage of your purchase did you have to put in his name to make your purchase legal? Did you put everything in his name?

He was almost definitely on that gay website. Not because he’s gay, but because why not try to scan some gay men as well. He’s probably got loads of profiles in places you won’t look.

It’s absolutely not uncommon for a family to be in on it, and it sounds like his kids were prepped on how to work you. I have a friend whose father had “given his blessings” to more than 10 guys, and then asked them for a small gift of land to just “see of they were sincere”. None of the guys knew they weren’t the first.

Get back whatever assets you can and get out. Seriously, this is a scam.

Post # 30
Member
224 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Reread your post a couple of times and pretend that you are your best friend or someone very close to you. What would you think? I’m pretty sure you would think that this is a toxic relationship for them and they should move on. You should never compromise who you are or what you want in life (marriage, kids, ect) for love. It sounds as if you think you can buy love and you found someone who knows this and is willing to take advantage. Does he do these big romantic gestures, such as buy you trips and pay for weekends away that you would love? I’m going to guess and say no. He lied to you about having 4 kids, made you believe he will change his mind of marriage and made you give up your dream of having kids, and you don’t even live with this guy… it’s a long distance relationship. You seem to be very wrapped up in fantasy and seeing what you want to see, rather than looking at the facts and reality of this situation. 37 is not too old to start over. 

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors