- 7 years ago
SO need to vent- I might just compust otherwise.
This fall will be my bf and mine 11 year anniversary. It’s sorta funny how I hear other bees frustrated after 1 or 2 or 3 years of waiting. Sadly its been 11 years, well not technically, sorta. If I’m really hard on myself it’s been 11, but we started dating back in highschool, then dated on/off during the college years, and now we’ve both been out of college for over 4 yrs now. Im 26 and he’s 27. I just finished my MA and just got a great promotion at work. For the past 2 or3 years I’ve been talking about marriage seriously. It’s definitely time and I know im ready to move forward.
WE’ve had our ups and downs over the years, and have been living together for 3 years now. Most of the problems we faced as a couple dealth with my disaproving parents. My bf and I have even sought out therapy together and separately to better deal with the issues and any of our other issues as a couple. When I was young, my parents were very emotionally and mentally abusive to me, and in turn were also very disapproving of my bf, mostly I belive it was due to the fact that he actually stood up for me against them and actually cares about me. Im in such a better place now, that I can more objectively look at my parents and realize that they were so wrong about so many things. Steve (my bf) has really helped me through it. In fact we’ve helped eachother through a lot of ups and down.
Anyway, we’ve been in couples therapy for about 9 months now and things are better, we’re able to communicate better now. WE aren’t perfect and still have our touchy subjects w/ eachother, but we’re better.
Unfortunately, my bf Steve just lost his job 3 months ago. I knew it was a touchy subject, so for the first month I let him just sludge around and deal with it his way. Then the next month I tried encouraging him some more to actually try and look for a job. Three months later now, I’m seeing bare minimal effort, like he’ll sit on the computer to look for a job like for 2 hours only about ONE day a week. Hello! !!!! and that’s where it get frustrating. In loosing my patience.
He says he wants to get married and move forward, and also that he wants to find a stable job. Which I agree with- BUT I see that he’s doing very little to make that happen. Our therapist prescibed him some meds to help with his depressed mood. He’s willing to take the meds and willing to continue to go to therapy with me…
But how long should I wait for him to get all his ducks in order (as he puts it)? He says he want to find a stable job. But he’s 27 and I’ve seen him go through several differnt kinds of jobs, nothing really secure. Mostly restaurant jobs, car lot stuff, and even surveillance work- where he basically sat in a van all day and tape recorded claimants. He had the surveillance job before for 2 years before he just got fired. So why didn’t he propose then?
what if he finds the right job, but then post pones even more by saying “well now I want to work a little bit and save some money in the bank” or what if he says “well, first I want to pay off debt, or first i want to buy a house”.
He says he wants to get married not long after we were to get engaged, but when are we ever going to get engaged? his typical answer is “soon” or “sometime soon”. Lately he said he’s hoping to find a better job by late Fall.
He just found some parttime work as a limo detailer, which I am happy about. He’ll have some money a little bit. But it’s not the secure job he wants. Basically he’s long over due for putting on his big boy pants and getting to business. I feel like Im ready to move forward, like Im waiting at the airport ready for the plane to take off. I’ve finished school, have two degrees, have a great job and just got promoted. But for as long as I’ve known him he’s struggled with finding his path. He’s still stuck circuling the parking lot of the airport.
AND it’s not like he doesn’t know what he’s getting into. We’ve known eachother since we were 16 and 17. We’ve been living together, sharing bills, and playing house for 3 yrs. We’ve weathered the good and bad together….I just need him to step up and be a man here- but when will he do it?
A very frustrated bee.