Post # 1
I am going INSANE. I know he loves me and I know he wants to be with me, but it would mean so much if it were official. He always tells me I’m his fiancee and wants to make plans and stuff, but I don’t really want to because I don’t want to be excited over something that isn’t quite there yet. I’m bursting to tell my family and friends that we’d like to be engaged, but my family is really rude and would be on his case, as well as mine, about not having a ring. The ring I want is seriously only $700, so I don’t understand why its an issue. Maybe I’m being selfish. I shouldn’t care what my family thinks, but its just so awful listening to them nag. We’re both in a good position to be married but I feel like this just isn’t going to happen. He’s giving me a lot of talk, but no action. How do you ladies cope? I literally cry every day. I feel lousy that I feel this way, but I’m starting to feel angry at him. Help!
Post # 3
@cmynix: I would suggest: sit him down, talk to him and tell him you want a ring, a proposal, a wedding, a marriage. That it means a lot to you, and that you cannot get it off your mind. Make sure he fully understands how important it is. Then decide together how you will get the ring. If you want to choose it, choose it and tell him, and then tell him that it’s in his hands now and stop talking about it. If you want to choose together, make a date to go look at rings. Decide what you want, and then stop talking about it. Nagging is not going to help but I think it’s normal for women to initiate the first steps.
And remember, you are NOT selfish for wanting to get married if you’re both ready! Also, marriage is about you as a couple but it is also about family – if your family wouldn’t accept that you are engaged without a ring, he has to take that into account.
Post # 4
@arathella: Excellent advice. I agree with this.
@cmynix: I’m in a similar position, I know how AGGRAVATING it can be. Arathiel’s got the advice down. . . I need to take it too (but I’m waiting to do so until after our 4th dating anniversary, which is coming up; I think if I can keep the engagement chatter to a minimum until then and then we have a serious conversation about it, that will be best).
One thing I just thought of– try to keep the daily/weekly hints to a minimum. I have been trying to, but it’s hard because relatives of mine have begun to make comments and they bother me, so I tell him about thpse comments– but I wish I could keep them to myself! Guys DO notice the hints. :/ I’m just not sure what they make of them– if they’re not ready or don’t want to talk about it, I think the response to hints tends to be minimal, which if course makes us want to talk about it even more to get something out of our guys (at least that’s how I tend to be). I have learned to repress the urge to draw out the conversation in that situation–I try to keep my mentioning of the subject to a minimum unless I’m ready for a real conversation that will actually result in sharing useful information and feelings, not a quick back-and-forth.