Post # 1
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
I’ve been looking at the waiting page for a while now, mostly when I’m feeling especially impatient. Well tonight I decided to actually join in hopes of getting other’s opinions in regards to my situation.
My bf and I have been together for a little over 5 1/2 years now, about 4 1/2 years of that has been long distance. We have always been on the same page about our relationship; same timeline and values. We had originally planned on being married before we lived together, very traditional. While he was back in town for Christmas, he had mentioned to me that he thought it was better for us if we got engaged and then live together since we would be married within the year and for both of us to pay seperate rent would be a waste of money. His excuse was always that we needed to graduate college first. I’ve been graduated for almost 4 months now and still nothing. His next excuse was that I needed to finish my resume. Done. Nothing. His timeline has changed from spring (long gone) to the end of summer. Well we went on a wonderful date tonight and though I tried so hard to not have any expectations I really felt it was the perfect time. I still had a blast and didn’t show my disappointment. So here I sit sad and wondering why it has yet to happen.
We are both college graduates, he has a career already with his family business. I’ve been working to find a job in my field. We have had the timeline discussion and talk about future in everyday conversation. Maybe I’m jumping the gun and am being too anxious since it’s not quite the end of summer yet but waiting is just so hard sometimes.
Post # 2
Member
1017 posts
Bumble bee
I think you should try your hardest to wait until end of summer. I know how you feel, I just started to really feel like I was waiting and I hate it! If you wait til end of summer, you are being fair but if nothing happens by then you should definitely have a serious conversation about it and find out what is holding him up. Hang in there, summer will be over before you know it 🙂
Post # 3
Member
576 posts
Busy bee
I think a lot of waiting bees can relate. I know I can. No way around it, waiting sucks, pretty much all the time. Mine come and goes in waves, after a serious ‘come to Jesus’ moment with my SO, it’s been more mild over all. Instead of just pessimistic constantly depressing lows, I’m mostly content now with moments of mild frustration or impatience.
Ride out the summer. There’s no easy way to put it out of your mind. People recommend hobbies, more work, more time with friends, volunteering, which might make you tired but if you’re like me you can still worry anxiously even when tired. XD It just takes a little bit of time and enough forcing yourself to find other things to look forward too and appreciate in your life. And minimizing your time on Facebook, lol.
Post # 4
Member
1228 posts
Bumble bee
I think you should focus on your career right now, both for your own benefit and to show your BF your life isn’t on pause waiting for him and he can’t drag his feet forever. It’s been 4 months since you’ve graduated- I don’t know about your field or your classmates, but I find that employment promotes employment, same things for unemployment (meaning, if you already have a job it’s easier to find another job. And the longer you’re not working or working outside your field, the harder it is to find a quality job). Whether or not you get engaged at the end of summer, finding a job in your field leads to huge personal growth and satisfaction.
Post # 5
Member
3031 posts
Sugar bee
- Wedding: May 2015 - Walnut Hill Bed & Breakfast
I’d focus on finding a job. Are you still long distance? Look for a job in his area if you can. (I assume his location is set if he’s working a family business.) Start saving whatever you can for your wedding/house so you’re ready when it happens. 🙂
Waiting is tough, but I think i’d wait it out at least to summer, if not a year. Maybe have a discussion come fall if his “end of summer” doesn’t pan out. It’s tough because you don’t want to ruin any possible surprises but you also want to make sure you’re not waiting around for nothing.
Post # 6
Member
436 posts
Helper bee
I second PP. Focusing on finding a job will help the summer go by and it’s a great way to build yourself up. 🙂 I’d definitely recommend a discussion once the ‘end of summer’ passes.
Post # 7
Member
3065 posts
Sugar bee
Hunnybeebear: I am thinking if he wanted u ti finish school first, then changed it to finishing ur resume and it still hasnt happened it…my guess is he is going to say he wants to wait until you get a job. Otherwise why would he care if your resume was complete?
I agree with other PP focus on finding a job in your field and begin saving a little. It may help him realize how grounded you guys are and ready to start ur lives.
Post # 8
Member
1221 posts
Bumble bee
I don’t like how he’s dictating his requirements to you. What the heck does a resume have to do with getting engaged? If it’s about making sure you two are financially stable before marriage then say that, but these arbitrary requirements are silly. If summer passes and he doesn’t propose, I would talk to him and re-evaluate if he really wants to marry you as you are now or if he is stalling.
Post # 9
Member
1323 posts
Bumble bee
your bf just doesn’t sound ready to be engaged or married yet.
leisha606 and
spiffanee make really good points.