Post # 1
My bf and I have been together for over 3 years which mat not seem long, but it is compared to the fact that everyone else we know gets engaged after a year or less it seems.
Its really doing a number on my happiness with where bf and I are namely because it makes me feel like there must be something wrong with me. He tells me we will be getting engaged sometime by next year, but in the meantime, it seems like every Monday is “Let’s see who got engaged over the weekend” day.
This didnt bother me until a girl I knew got engaged on the anniversary of meeting her now-husband. It wasn’t even the anniversary of them becoming a couple. Throughout her engagement, this girl continually downed my relationship because I had no ring and tried to make hers sound so amazing because she was engaged Already. She even was trying to give me unwarranted relationship advice “as a girl who is getting married.”
Another girl who was an intern with me at a youth group who told me to “not rush things” when bf and I started dating met a guy in March when bf and I had been together for 8 months, started dating him in May, they got engaged in December, married in July, celebrated their first anniversary in July and have two month old daughter.
Ive lost track of the number of people who hadn’t even met each other when bf and I started dating who are already engaged/married. We’re christians and he goes to a Christian college. People have even openly questioned the legitimacy of our relationship because we are looking at a 5 year meet-to-married timeline instead of a year.
It seems like everyone thinks that whirlwind love stories are the only good ones.
I know that is crazy and I know that we are making a smart choice by waiting. I know that it is coming within the reasonable future. But after getting all this flack from people who are sitting high and mighty with rings on their fingers, it’s getting harder and harder to not internalize it all…
Post # 2
Comparison is the thief of joy. It sounds like a lot of this is in your head. If seeing all the engagements on Facebook is getting to you, stop using social media for a while. It’s actually super refreshing. It sounds like you’re at that age where engagements happen all.the.time. I’m in my late 20’s and I’m seeing that with babies right now. SO MANY BABIES. A few years ago literally it felt like everyone around me was getting engaged. I didn’t let it get to me. I was genuinely happy for my friends whose weddings I went to. I danced my butt off at their weddings, I went to showers, I answered the “why aren’t you engaged yet?” questions even though I didn’t want to…
Sometimes too people get engaged after a year of being together and that’s fine, everyone is on their own timeline. I got engaged just over a year after knowing my now husband. We both knew what we wanted and we both knew we got that in each other, so we got engaged and now we’re married less than two years after our first date. It’s not your place to judge people for getting engaged and/or married sooner than you. Actually that’s a pretty crappy thing to do. Everyone has their own timeline and just because their timeline isn’t the same as yours doesn’t mean that they’re wrong.
If your “friends” are genuinely throwing engagements and marriages and babies in your face, it’s time to get new friends. Seriously.
Post # 3
ljm308: no offense, but it seems like most of your reply was a knee jerk reaction to the fact that you assumed I was downing people for having fast marriages and you, being married less than two years after your first date, would fall into that category.
That actually isn’t what I said at all. During the past three years, plenty of wonderful couples I know have met and gotten married and that’s great and I’m over the moon happy for them. There are, however, plenty of people within Christian culture who feel that anything other than the two years or less plan is wrong or less of a relationship than a fast one. That’s what I’m dealing with.
Post # 4
No actually I didn’t take any offense at that at all. It was right for me so I could care less what other people think of it. I’m saying that you’re comparing yourself to others and that’s not healthy. I applaud you for taking your time to get engaged, but if you keep on letting the fact that others are getting married and you’re not get to you, I can guarantee you will be unhappy in your relationship.
I also stand by that if your friends TRULY are throwing their rings and marriages in your face they’re pretty crappy people and it’s time to find new friends.
Post # 5
I know how you feel seeing so many others that have rushed into things from meeting, to relationship, to engagement and marriage. I’ve seen that happen with a few of my friends. But I’m going to take a guess here that you are in your early 20’s. I’m basing this on the mention of your boyfriend being in college. The two of you taking your time with the ideas of engagement is a good thing when you are both so young. Waiting until you are both done with school and getting settled in your careers can be a blessing for both of you. The people that you are seeing rushing into marriage if they are at the same point in their lives as you two are could be a mistake for them. If they are at a later point of their lives such as finished school and such then for them meeting and marrying might have seemed like the next logical step. But marriage isn’t about logic. It’s about love and commitment, not only to each other but to yourselves as well. I’ve personally seen quite a few young quick marriages go wrong after awhile. I’ve also seen some people who are young wait 3 or more years before getting engaged and married have very successful marriages. They took the time not only in getting to know each other, but also in both getting to the point in their life where they were ready to handle marriage.
Have faith that if it is meant to be it will be. As for any questioning of your legitimacy of the relationship or any unwanted advice from other girls, just smile sweetly back at them. It will confuse them 😉
Post # 6
I have been facing this problem as well! My Boyfriend or Best Friend and I are small group leaders for our church’s youth group and people are always asking when we will just get married already. We are 20/21 and just celebrated 4 years together.We have started a pre-engagement counseling class with our pastor and it has really put some things into perspective. If you are looking for some sort of official-ness, ask if your church offers a pre-engagement counseling program as well!
As for the whole seeing everyone around you getting engaged except you, I feel your pain. I don’t even go on Facebook anymore just to avoid it. If you ever need someone to talk to, I am here for you 🙂 Us Christian Bees got to stick together!
Post # 7
I only just got engaged and I have been with my partner for 7.5 years. There were lots of people getting engaged/married and having kids around me, meanwhile my Fiance and I were travelling, finishing school and have just recently bought a house, whereas a lot of girls I went to school with got married at 21-22, had kids but don’t own their own home and have never been overseas.
I don’t think you should be stressing out about what other people are doing as everyone has different priorities. Comparing yourself to others is the worst thing you can ever do in life! Someone will always have something bigger or better than you, but that’s just how life is.
Is it possible seeing as your Boyfriend or Best Friend goes to a Christian college that a lot of the people he is surrounded by those that are waiting to have sex before getting married? My cousin is Evangelical Christian and is waiting until she and her Boyfriend or Best Friend are married to have sex but they are already talking about getting married and have only been together a year (and are only 19). Without being disrespectful at all to your faith it does seem like these quick and young marriages happen because the couples want to be intimate with each other. With my cousin I know that does play a part in why they are wanting to be married so soon.
Try not to stress about it, I actually feel more accomplished and better knowing that we waited so long to get engaged because now we really know each other, just because someone is married before you does not make them more experienced in relationships!
Post # 8
Ignore her and your other friends. I was in the same position two years ago. When both of my BFFs since 6th grade got married. One even became a mother and starting to educate me on how ” relationship should” be. I felt bad I was still with my ex at the time and I felt pressured and sad. We lived together for a year. Most of my friends were engaged and I even got many wedding invitations. I felt my realtionships have failed. I was in another 4 year relationship with another ex before and lived toegether for another 3 years. Nothing came out of that realtionship too. I am extremely happy nothing happend because I met my fiance the two years ago and engaged now. Marrying in Jan 2016 in court then having ceremony in summer 2017. Ignore the people around you. You will marry when you are ready. If you are really sure he is the one, you can also propose. Do it when you are ready. The marriage is about two of you, not a competition. Every couple is different. I am around the same age as you but my Fiance is 28 he is ready to marry and have kids even before he met me. Just make sure BOTH of you are ready.
Post # 9
I completely understand where you’re coming from. My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly three and a half years. We got together when I was a junior in high school, and we’re now waiting until we’re done with college to get married (well at least done with undergrad). It is the wisest thing for us to do. We don’t want to be the couple who thinks they’re old enough and mature enough to get married, but then relies on mom and dad to take care of their rent and pay their bills for them.
Also, especially since we attend a Christian college and have many Christian friends back home, I know what it’s like to see so many other couples meet, get engaged, and marry within a year or two. Of course I’m happy for them, but at the same time, it’s like, “Sigh…when will it be my turn?” Our plans have changed a lot throughout the years, but as of now, our plan is to get married in 2017 (it’ll be five years for us too!), after we both graduate. So I am expecting a proposal next year, which feels good even though at times it feels far away. Things may change, but for now, that’s what I’m holding on to!
So you’re expecting a proposal next year too. That’s exciting and something to look forward to! Are you guys also waiting until he’s done with school or until you guys are more financially stable? Also, you said he’s in college. Are you too?
(I’m also not into anniversaries of the day people met. When I ask how long people have been together, I’m asking how long they’ve been couple. Not always, but it usually seems like they’re trying to add length to their relationship. Again, not always, but usually.)