(Closed) Waiting with cold feet

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
56 posts
Worker bee

Welcome to the hive! 🙂 Your post is intriguing, especially about the unexciting qualities — is your SO actively hostile and callous to others? Does it affect your relationships and friendships with each other and other people? If so, might be a somewhat bad sign. I’m not a fan of the idea that one can *change* another person’s nature/behavior by being in a relationship with them… but I do subscribe to the idea of growing and changing together. We all have our quirks and flaws, and sometimes being with a really awesome partner can help us decide to make big changes in our lives… but it doesn’t always happen. If you have cold feet about him, maybe it’s a good idea to keep things as-is for a while and have regular talks about how things are progressing… 2 years is a really great point in a relationship to build trust in each other, or make a civilized departure if you realize that you aren’t aiming for the same goals.

Post # 5
Member
5883 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

It’s 100% totally normal to suddenly have doubts once the idea of marriage goes from ‘some day’ to ‘right around the corner’. It’s a big scary transition and if you don’t have doubts, you’re nuts! lol But you have to dig deeper. It is normal, my life is changing and that is scary or is it red flag, need to walk away?

I suggest you look at this

http://conscious-transitions.com/oprah-says-doubt-means-dont-or-does-she/ 

You might also want to look at the Practical Weddings web site. They have lots of really good articles about approaching marriage without all the media nonsense. 

From what you describe, it sounds like your SO is a human being. If you talk to most people they will say how nice I am, because really I am. But behind close doors, I can make super catty judgemental statements about people. You can be kind, but still have judgement in your heart. My Darling Husband is a super nice, very laid-back guy, but behind close doors he can suddenly turn super cranky (like if he was a 5 yo, he would be stomping around the house pouting). Most of us have various facets to our personality. You just have to decide if that is something you can put up with and love. 

Good Luck!

 

Post # 6
Member
32 posts
Newbee

@KoiKove:  Awesome advice.  Every now and then, SO does something that makes me wonder if I really want to sign up for this for the rest of my life.  I’m sure I do the same to him.  

Post # 7
Member
32 posts
Newbee

@Silks:  If it helps, I felt the same way.  SO and I talked about marriage but after we actually put money aside I started to get cold feet.  He hasn’t proposed yet but I started feeling better about it after a few weeks.  Maybe a little time is the cure?

Post # 8
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@KoiKove:  +1 awesome advice!

As for me, I’m more on the other side of the rope: will Darling Husband still want to accept/put up with me for the rest of our lives?  While Darling Husband has faults too (and I agree, people are more open/honest with their SO’s behind closed doors….that isn’t necessarily a bad thing), I’m the one that can be rather intense, moody and stubborn in addition to my better qualities.  Darling Husband is just very laid back, kind and humble, so sometimes I worry I have a little too much sass than what he would always want in his life.  But that’s just an insecurity I have about the “forever” idea.  I think it’s normal for everyone to have at least a few insecurities or worries about marriage…it is a big deal and committment!  You will be just fine, good luck, hun.

Post # 9
Member
220 posts
Helper bee

Those are important qualities to be lacking for me. However, everyone has different deal breakers.  I once dated someone similar. You have to ask yourself, are these deal breakers for me? Can I live the rest of my life with this person? Can I let these things roll off my back? You have to trust your gut. 

The topic ‘Waiting with cold feet’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors