Ok so my SO has had the ring about 9 weeks now. I’m getting totally unexcited about the whole surprise/proposal. I know he’s planning something but we’ve been together for 4 years for goodness sake how long does it take to plan a proposal. I know some bees will say that I should be patient or that he has the ring in the house so I should be happy. And that’s all good and true but he’s sucking the excitement out of it for me at this point and the whole “surprise” factor thing is getting old. NO I don’t want to ruin it for him or ‘spoil’ the proposal and look back on it in regret, blah blah. But after some thought I think that guys KNOW how they want to propose if they indeed do and I think the “surprise” thing is just a cover up for them to be able to have the GUTS to actually propose. It has nothing to do with surprise in my opinion. Maybe I’m just being a brat right now but I’m extremely frustrated. I’ve been waiting pretty patiently for over a year now. At this point I just don’t really know what to do. Each time I want to say something I think to myself but what if he’s planning to do it this weekend then I’ll ruin it, etc. But then the weeks just keep going by and….NOTHING.
Thank you bees for reading my vent. Not sure what I’m looking for here but advice is always nice.
I don’t know your Fiance, but I know some people are just really really bad at planning. Or will drag their feet on really obvious things. Not sure if it’s fear of decision making, or just trying to make the proposal the best ever (without regret).
I am already engaged (got engaged in 2006 actually!) and would like to be married, but haven’t planned the wedding yet. Do I know how I want to get married? Yes. Do I have the organizational skills and confidence to pull it off? No.
From what I have read here on the boards, it seems a lot of guys waited until their SOs seemed completely uninterested before they proposed. Like, they waited until it seemed like an engagement was the last thing on their girlfriend’s minds. Maybe that’s what your SO is doing? Sucks that he’s waiting so long, but look at it this way: he would not have bought the ring unless he was going to propose. So at least you know that it’s a 100% certainty that a proposal is coming 🙂
I totally understand your frustration, but be careful about thinking “If he really felt ____________, he’d do ______________.” People just approach this stuff differently. Even if he does feel a little fear about proposing — that’s not a horrible thing! It is a huge, serious, life altering decision and basically all the weight of taking that final step forward falls on him with the proposal. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to do it or he’s not going to do it. It could just require him pep talking himself a bit. Or he could be waiting for a holiday or a special occasion. I know a few couples where the guy had the ring for months before proposing. I know it feels like a pointless wait, but I think as long as you don’t truly have the sense that something is wrong or he keeps you waiting for 8 months or something, the best thing to do is just ride it out.
I think I would be feeling the EXACT same way as you are. I don’t think my SO has the ring yet…but he better not hold onto it for very long….suprises be damned! Good luck to you…hope it happens SOON!!!
I know exactly how you feel. My SO has had the ring 5 weeks with nothing yet. He’s just getting adjusted to a new job so I try and take that into account, but I agree I just want to be engaged and move on, I don’t care surprise or not, a parking lot would be fine for all I care. Hugs to you!
Since my SO has put a deposit on my ring I have gradually become less and less excited about it. I guess it is because I don’t want to keep thinking he will propose when it just isn’t going to happen when I think it will.
I just hope for all our waits, it will happen sooner rather than later. I am not sure how much longer I can stay positive for while being “in limbo”.
Sorry you’re having a tough time. When you put it on paper, him not taking action seems pretty silly. Why would he buy a ring if he didn’t mean to propose soon? You know. That kind of stuff. I don’t know what your SO’s feelings are on the matter, but my guy has expessed a couple times that it is stressful for them, even if they really really want to marry you. There’s a lot of social pressure for a guy to plan the perfect proposal. Just like there is social pressure for women to marry and have babies by the time they are 30 (well, nature doesn’t help either). Once you propose everyone wants to know how he did it, and you better have a great story. And they want to know what ring he got you, and it better be the perfect one. I know that in the end, what people think doesn’t matter. But while people are turning their attention to you, asking your story, he wants to hear, “Wow, he’s so romantic, he did such a wonderful job” etc.
It scares my guy a little. that and even if he’s 99.9% sure you’d say yes, there is still that .1% chance he’d screw it all up or you’d say no.
Either way, you’re allowed to feel frustrated every once in a while. But here’s to hoping you won’t have to wait much longer. Good luck! 🙂
@PrettySedity: I feel the exact SAME way! We’ve been planning on getting engaged since March/April this year. He has my sapphire, he has all the money, I think he has the ring… He told me it would be by the end of the summer. It hasn’t happened yet. I even have engagement photos scheduled for October 22 – he and I both wanted fall engagement pictures.. we’ve even picked out outfits and everything. I can’t imagine waiting as long as you have! You are a much better women than me!
I feel like such a brat… but I’m getting really annoyed with this waiting crap. I HATE waiting, I hate anticipation… it makes me sick – and actually I’m waking up in the middle of the night sick to my stomach from the stress. I’m trying my hardest to just forget about it and to just be happy and patiently wait, but this is extremely hard.
I live for weekends and to spend time with him. I psych myself every weekend hoping it might be it… and every weekend slips by and most of the time we just sit at my parents house watching tv…
If he’s waiting for that perfect romantic moment it’s never going to happen.. he needs to make something happen!
Private message me if you ever need some cheering up or some commiserating. It sounds like we’re in a similar boat!
Thank all of you ladies. And @mandigrl04: I definitely will. It’s always good to have someone to talk to.
Well to update this I do feel a little better now. Especially since this weekend. We went to an event. Well pretty much every couple that was there were married except us (go figure). Which sucked and after writing this and the way I was feeling I didn’t really want to go because of that reason. I just feel ackward. Well nonetheless while we’re there a couple that’s been married 14years started preaching to me and SO about moving forward, why we weren’t married, etc. They made a good point that it’s never a ‘good’ time to get married or have kids. You just have to do it. And it was the first time that it had happened to both of us. So although it was uncomfortable, because I really have no control over it, I was glad they were doing it to him too. So after that was done we went outside to talk because they were really preaching the bible and grilling us about not been married after being together 4 years. Initially I think that SO got a little bit uncomfortable with the convo because I think he felt a little pressured. So while we were outside discussing this he admitted to me that he didn’t know what to do — regarding the proposal. He feels like I’m so particular about everything that I may not like his proposal, he wasn’t sure if he needed to include my mom and nana because we’re so close and he was basically stressing trying to figure out the “perfect” way to propose. Which was crazy thinking! I tried to reassure him that it isn’t about the “proposal” it’s about us and that he’s putting too much into “how” to propose versus just doing it because he wants to spend the rest of his life with me.
With that frame of mind he will never propose because there is no such thing as “perfect”. It will be perfect for me because it came from him. I think he was relieved. I used the example of Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries (couldn’t think of any other recent celebrity proposals haha) and how he just proposed with simple rose petals in her home. Nothing fancy…So hopefully that relieves some stress off of him and speeds up the process. I think it was a really good talk and I feel better about it. So I’m hoping it will happen by the end of this month. Only two weekends left and that’s really the only time we see each other due to our different work schedules.
@PrettySedity:It is really nice to have someone to talk to who is going through a similar situation!
What good progress though!
I think that may be exactly where we are too. I think I may have scared him away with my expectations on the proposal. He said something recently that caught me off gaurd when we were discussing the proposal… he said that he’s trying to be spontaneous. I don’t want spontaneous. Neither of us are spontaneous! There is no perfect moment that will happen from spontaneity. I told him originally that I don’t want it to be a “Oh let’s go look at the stars… will you marry me proposal.” That’s not me. That’s not us. He’s always done creative things for me in the past and he’s a really creative guy. I wanted something a little more unique – and I don’t want it to be in front of a million people we know. I don’t mind if it’s in public… just not like at a party or something. I’m an introvert… I don’t like parties to begin with. lol
So basically something semi-creative, and not in front of a million people. Those are my requests.
I think I may need to tell him that he doesn’t need to over think it, I’m not THAT picky… however I made a “silent” date. I wasn’t going to mention anything proposal related for a few weeks.
Should I tell him not to sweat it as much? Or should I just keep quiet?
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