(Closed) Waiting…and waiting…and waiting

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1991 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I can understand how you feel.

I’m waiting too…although I’m not frustrated, I can sympathize. Just continue to have faith that he’s going to propose.

He may be planning something big and that’s why he may not have done it yet.

Post # 4
Member
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Please read THIS!  Most of the advice you’ll get from us can be summed up in that one post.

Welcome to WB! The Waiting board will be your new best friend. 🙂

Post # 5
Member
603 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Welcome to the Waiting board! Isnt that annoying that you have to enter a wedding date to sign up? Ugh its like salt to the wound :/ Sounds like alot of us are in the same boat as you, luckily the waiting girls are super supportive and helpful!

Post # 6
Member
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

just to make you feel a little better….

I had to wait 7 years before getting engaged.  I went through the whole “maybe he doesn’t want to marry me and I’m wasting my time” phase multiple times.  And that was while we were living together.

Needless to say good things come to those who wait, he may have the ring right now and you don’t know it.

If there was one thing I learned through the process of all of this is that for women we are so anxious to get married and start that phase of our lives, but the mentality of men is that they want to have a nest egg to make sure they can take care of things.  It’s still very old school, but it’s important to them, and we need to be sensitive to their needs just as much as they do to ours.

Post # 7
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

not to be a wet blanket and i dont kn u or ur guy but do u really want to start a marriage right now when he isnt able to take care of u or a family .i kn u r frustrated i am too but he has a valid point. i think u guys should focus on getting him to be more independent then the wedding talk.

good luck

Post # 8
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I am right there with you! J’s friend who is dirt poor and not working just got engaged to his stripper girlfriend of 4 months…yeah, that made me feel AWESOME.

I know that it’s incredibly hard to watch guys with less money find a way to propose– I always think “if he can find a way, then why can’t you?!” but I know that J thinks I deserve more than that, and from what it sounds like, your boyfriend does too. It’s good to have a man who wants to give you the best, rather than one who thinks you’ll accept the minimum. Keep your chin up! I know it’s hard, though…I struggle with this too.

Post # 9
Member
5498 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Welcome to Weddingbee! You’ll love it! It’s a great place to vent and let out that anxiety!

We have some fantastic waiting (and engaged/married) bee’s here who are very supportive!!!

 

Post # 10
Member
272 posts
Helper bee

Engagement aside, it sounds like there may be other issues if he’s almost 30 and still living at home.  I understand this is an economic necessity for some people, but it’s bothering you that he has absolutely no firm plan for eventually moving out.  Not to discredit previous posters, but I think it would be a little foolish to assume that he’s planning a proposal right this minute. Given your particular relationship, if he’s content with how things are it might be years before he’ll actually pull it together enough to propose.  It sounds like he’s not really ready or interested in this next stage in life.  Does he know how important this is to you?  If you say you’re not keen on moving in together without being engaged, I would stand firm on that. 

Post # 11
Member
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Cinnamon roll, I’m glad you wrote that. So well-put. I kinda wanted to address those issues, but I was thinking that if I advise her to enact “The Plan,” then at least she would focus more on herself and not on this guy who really doesn’t seem to be in the same place as her. But, what you said needed to be said.

HopefulMrs, I really hate to say it but I am doubtful that he has a “nest egg” or anything else in preparation for a marriage if he has not even taken steps toward living an independent adult life at the age of 30, first of all. Not to mention, entering into a marriage partnership without ever having done that is not likely to lead to much marital success, IMO. Please be careful with how much you are investing into this relationsihp, while you are still unsure of how much he plans on putting into it! This was why I wanted to steer you toward “Mr. Bee’s Plan.” It’s great advice no matter what stage of a relationship you are in!

Please keep us updated, we would love to help offer advice or encouragement as things progress!

Post # 13
Member
1982 posts
Buzzing bee

Welcome to the ‘bee!

Ok, first of all…Wanting changes out of YOU before making a commitment is a big red flag. Not to be mean (but this is a little blunt, sorry!!!!) but if he loves you and wants to marry you, he’ll take you as you are. My Fiance pushes me to get off the couch and exercise, but he never tells me he’d love me less if I didn’t, nor does he force me to. He loves me for who I am, and sometimes just wants a workout buddy–not for me to change.

I think you need to get some sort of a plan together with him for the next year. Ask him where he wants to be in a year, what steps he’s going to take to do that, and then start following Mr. Bee’s advice. If you leave him to do it and he doesn’t/keeps saying you need to change, then probably he’s not going to do it. I think that establishing some sort of goal and steps to get there would be a healthy thing for you two to do, together.

Good luck!

Post # 16
Member
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I do understand where you are coming from but the only thing I can tell you is that I don’t think he is being realistic with you. Honestly, I come from an expensive city as well, Miami, FL and my SO and I made it work, he told me those little things he wanted me to change and I changed them for myself not for him. We also bought a house ourselves and moved in together. He will be 25 this year. He doesn’t have a degree and he doesnt have what we would consider a high paying job. I think that your SO is finding excuses or just isn’t ready to settle down. Will is be that he finally realizes this at 35 or 40? Are you willing to wait that long… These are just things to think about. There is really no “right way” of things there is just a right way in your relationship and your eyes. What may be right for him may not be for you and vice versa.

Just remember that a relationship is a two way street and not just he wants this and he wants that…. You must both contirbute to it to push forward and suceed.

The topic ‘Waiting…and waiting…and waiting’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors