(Closed) Waiting…need a little advice, and maybe a hug….

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1719 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

*hugs*  You have a lot going on in your life.  I would ignore your sister and your family.  You marry when the time is right for the both of you not when people tell you it’s right.  Maybe you should sit your bf down and have a heart-to-heart about when you (both) wanted to get married/proposed?  

Post # 6
Member
748 posts
Busy bee

Big hugs, honey. First off, ignore your sister, cut her off if you have to. She’s a bitch and doesn’t deserve to be your sister, and you don’t deserve to be treated that way. Stand up to her if you have to, she most definitely deserves it.

Second, I would sit down with your SO and talk about timelines and money and whatnot. I would calmly tell him just what you told us, that he just bought a new rifle but wants to save more money for a new ring, and ask him why he thinks a new rifle is worth buying more quickly than a ring for your engagement. Explain to him that your family is being difficult and, while you don’t want to pressure him, it is important to you that you feel like you are being given priority over other things in his life. Who knows, maybe he’s throwing you off? Don’t want to put any crazy ideas in your head, but you never know, right?

Oh, and I would ignore your family when they say all that stuff about the cow. That’s nasty stuff. You know you guys want to get married, and they need to just shut up about it and stop dictating you when and how to live your life. Hugs again!

Post # 7
Member
147 posts
Blushing bee

Oh hell no he didn’t! While I can appreciate an understand the need for a tricked out gun (the redneck in me is coming out) he doesn’t do that after saying how much he needs to save for your ring. 

I honestly would have made him take it back, or told him he then had to buy me rings equal to his gun. (Even though I’m all for your awesome gorgeous cheap ring, it really is stunning, you have good taste). I know some women that would scoff at even going under 1500 for the engagement ring. 

As for your sister, I know her type. Mine are similar to that, really, I don’t know how offer any suggestions. I have cut mine off because they are self absorbed and I can’t deal with that, when my love and I finally decide to commit I want it to be about us and not them. So, I wouldn’t suggest that to you unless you feel its neccessary. 

But *hugs* serious *hugs* and lots of love sent your way as you go through all of this. Keep us updated as to how everything goes down. 

Post # 8
Member
1168 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

First off, *Hugs*! Sounds like things are stressing you out right now. Family relations can be incredibly difficult, and I’m finding that sister relationships are one of the hardest. I would do your best to ignore your sister and her caddy friends. It’s obvious that she’s insecure and so she picks on you to make herself feel better. Her friends only make the problem worse. She’s family, so it’s not so easy because they are much harder to ditch. Instead, can you limit your time with her? Or maybe just tell her off? Whatever you can do to minimize the drama would be good. 

Have a talk with your SO. Sometimes guys need us to be blunt and come out with how we really feel. Tell him that it makes you upset that he went out and bought an expensive rifle knowing how much the ring/proposal means to you. Maybe he all ready bought it and doesn’t want you to know? On the other hand, he may not understand how you feel. Good communication will get you guys on the same page. Then maybe you won’t have to stress so much about it! 

I hope things get better for you!!

Post # 10
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

firstly your sister is being a self absord bitch – yes she can have her wedding blah blah blah but that doesnt mean your happiness should be sacrificed

as far as the ring goes – i would be PISSED if my guy would balk at $770 and then go buy himself a $3K toy.  not saying he cant spend money on himself but if he wants to be married to you then that should be his priority. 

you need to sit down and have a discussion with him – when will things move forward to the next step in your relationship would be my question.  goodluck!

Post # 11
Member
242 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

First off this is for you…{{{HUGS}}} 

Secondly – with the sister – try your best to close your ears to her ridiculous behavior..she is truly acting like she is 12…She will always be your sister but that DOES NOT mean you need to be her punching bag…Take pride in the fact that you have a long term relationship and she is the “rose colored glasses” phase of hers 🙂

As for the SO – ARGH!!! Men!! My SO did the same…I have been waiting for a ring and he went out and spent $2500 on an ATV…boy was I pissed…but I had to let it go (and I’m not the let it go type of girl) because if he wasn’t ready to buy my ring..then he wasn’t and I needed to decide if I was going to stick around or be mad and hastily just go…but I did need to talk to him about his priorities and where I stood.

If you are ready for the answers he will give you – then I say talk to him honestly and try NOT to do it where he feels attacked…speak in terms where you mainly start with…”I feel” try not to say YOU…he will feel attacked and the convo may turn the wrong way.

 

 

Post # 12
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - county fairgrounds

big big big huge HUGS

your sister is crazy, and needs to calm down and not be such a drama queen. my family went through something like this when my cousin was pregnant and her sister got engaged. it was like world war III 

i’d be pissed if my fiance had told me he bought a rifle that expensive after saying he didnt have the money for a ring. we went on vacation (where he ended up proposing) but that was for both of us, i already knew he put a down payment on the ring but he didn’t know that i knew it was the ring and that was our only big splurge in costs til i got engaged but if he had bought some huge expensive thing and i hadn’t know about the down payment and the vacation wasn’t for both of us i would have been extremely angry, so i agree that you should have a sit down and tell him that thats not cool

o yes and mucho mucho more hugs

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