(Closed) Waiting…not waiting…may be waiting?

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
3969 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@rollingbee:  I would definitely have a talk! Nothing threatening, just something along the lines of… we’ve talked about each other being a part of the other’s ilves and talked about plans a year from any given point, but I know that marriage is important to me and I just want to get your feelings about marriage, possible marriage to me, and what timeline you might envision for us. See what he says!


Post # 5
Member
3969 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I know. It’s scary. But to me, I’d rather know sooner than later. Especially if you know he wants marriage! Say, hey, I know marriage is important to you… I was wondering how  and when/if you envisioned that in our lives! If marriage is definitely something he wants in life, don’t hestitate! Maybe bring it up with the possibility of moving in together, and that gets you thinking about other milestones… etc.

Post # 6
Member
3969 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Plus. Let’s say he says I don’t know yet. You said you’re ok not being married, so that works for you! Ask again after 6 months, a year, whatever timeframe you think is appropriate. If it IS not you (which I doubt, after 3 years, if marriage is something he wants, he wouldn’t be wasting his time with a girl he didn’t see in his future long term!). Or he might say… I have been thinking about it, I just don’t know a timeline yet to give you. So give him some space to figure it out and approach the subject in a week or two. My guy needed time to be presented with it and figure out what he wanted.

Post # 7
Member
823 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I agree that it can be scary! I guess it seems like an easier path to live in ignorant bliss rather than stir up trouble by asking about your future. But really, I think you have a right to know what his intentions are so that you can make plans for your own future. If he doesn’t think you are the one he wants to marry or start a family with, then you have a right to know that. Having conversations like this is part of the natural progression of a relationship. Don’t think of it as rocking the boat, but laying foundations for the future. 

Post # 9
Member
812 posts
Busy bee

I agree with th other bees – you should talk to him, put your mind at rest. I really does make you feel a whole lot better knowing where you stand

Post # 10
Member
27 posts
Newbee

@rollingbee:  Sometimes when I complain to him about not helping out with the house work he rebuts: “that’s what being a wife is like, my mother raised a family, worked, and did all the housework”.  To which end I reply: “well I’m not your wife, nor your maid, so pick up your socks”.  Additionally, he’s been tightening up the purse strings lately.

I’d talk to him about both the timeline, and his expectations.  I agree it’s best to know now, even if the outcome is unpleasant.  By The Way, and a bit off topic,  his statement above raised my hackles and I recommend discussing his “ideals” of married life, because that sounds like a humongous burden to me (ALL the housework!?) and rather outdated IMO. 

🙂 Hope I’m not “out of line.”

Post # 11
Member
20 posts
Newbee

I think you definitely need to have a *non-threatening* talk. How will you know if you both want the same thing without talking to him??

It’s really important to establish that you both want the same things ultimately, not necessarily now, but in your future. And that’s what being married is all about, your future together.

Better to know now than later I think Laughing

Post # 13
Member
1352 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Oh no!! I am so sorry, but at least you’re looking at the positive side… at least you found out now and not later!! *hugs*

Post # 14
Member
663 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017 - Vegas Wedings

I’m so sorry. Stay strong and keep busy. His lack of remorse or embaressment seems like scary qualities. You’re lucky to have found out before you got more serious.

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